Silent Night


It is late on a Christmas Eve….Christmas is about 10 minutes away, and I am listening to anything but Christmas carols. I just came in from dinner and movies with Downstairs Neighbor. If you step into my apartment, it looks like March 23rd…..no Christmas decorations, not even a holiday card is displayed. I did not cook for the holiday; I plan to eat leftovers in between sleeping and catching up on TV shows. And I have never been happier to just have at least 2 days where I do absolutely nothing.

Gone (for now) are the unhappy holiday seasons where I was alone with heartbreak and unanswered questions. The Thanksgiving after Him had dumped me and married the Big Tittied Hooker still stands out….the darkness, the pain, the endless crying. The Christmas after Prince Charming had married the Mexican Girlfriend and I spent the entire day and night stalking their FB pages, not eating, and crying, crying, crying. The months and years I spent telling myself I was fine and I didn’t care.

This year, I AM fine and I really don’t care. I am at that place where I am totally at peace with myself; I have what matters: a roof over my head, rent in case the landlord shows up asking for it, clothes, no worries about my next paycheck, incredible friends, and a sense of self-everythings. My health could use some help: Dottie has been a little out of whack lately but blaming it on me having both bronchitis and gall stones….and still smoking and eating greasy foods. It always has taken me a little time to actually learn a lesson.

So as I sit here, marveling at the fact that 2016 will be history in about one week, I wonder what 2017 has in store. It seems that 2016 gave us a Chicago Cubs World Series win (first in 108 years) and all it cost us was a slew of celebrity deaths and America losing its political sanity. I have nothing against DJ Trump but who he is getting to mind the store while he tweets, runs his businesses, and produces a reality TV show has me just a tad worried. I need a President who knows that Leader of the Free World is not a part-time job.

I did not have hopes and dreams for 2016…after surviving 2014 and 2015, I expected 2016 to simply be a repeat. But I was pleasantly surprised by how normal it was, and my emotional growth spurt that has allowed to me to grow both as a person and an employee. I feel so empowered knowing that no one can take away my self-everythings and no one is worth me downplaying myself in any way, at any time. I no longer want to revisit the past or have it revisit me. I want to enjoy the present and await what the future holds.

It has taken me a long, long, long  time to get to this point, so my hopes, dreams and goals for 2017 are simple: to be a more efficient communicator, which will be hard as I tend to surround myself with folks who hear what they want to hear, how they want to hear it; to continue to recognize  and value my self-everythings and not tolerate any behaviors or persons that do not; and for my family unit to remain intact and in good health for another 365 days.  Of course there will be hiccups and setbacks, and for that I pray for strength and a continuous renewal of my faith to hold me steady.

So I am going to wrap this up now…..I wish everyone a safe, blessed, bright and happy holiday week. Please be safe, and focus on appreciating what you do have versus mourning what you don’t. It makes all the difference. I will be back in 2017 with new posts and updates and fingers crossed you will be here to share them with me.

As usual, thanks for stopping past and reading and as always…..enjoy your day!

 

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