Out of the Woodwork

A lot of stuff has gone on that I simply have not had time to put on paper; there has not been enough time nor energy to do a lot lately. That is going to change….it is time to work smarter, not harder. It is time to be far more selective about my social circle and my playmates. It is time to make the time for my friends and for my me time.

So let’s just jump into all the things that have happened that not only brought me to this conclusion, but makes me want to actually implement it. (You guys know I talk a damned good game but procrastinate on walking the walk) And what would a post from me be if it did not contain updates/laments/mentions about the “men” I have somehow been involved with on an intimate level? I have some blasts from the past for this time around.

50th Birthday: I turned half a hundred last week, and I was a pool of emotions. First, grateful and blessed because  once upon a time, I never thought I would live to see 25. The life I led, the obstacles I had to overcome, the hardships…yes, they were all a result of choices I made but to have made it out on the other side alive and sane and in a process of healing all of the wounds? Thank You, Jesus! But, it’s 50….and I am single, still picking up the pieces of both a broken heart and life, still feeling like a lost little girl on the inside. None of that matters though…I am here, I am healthy and frankly, look better than I ever have. Who knows how many years I have left and now is the time to make the rest of my life the best of my life. I want more laughter, more happiness and more adventures (of the good kind) in my life…I can make that happen and no time like the present.

Food Poisoning: I suffered through a bout of slow moving food poisoning that I honestly thought was going to kill me. It came about from eating 4 day old leftover Chinese food (shrimp egg foo young) from some hole in the wall ghetto carryout that I refuse to eat from again in life, but they did have some good fried food and that fried rice with extra egg was bangin’! It lasted almost 10 days (fun fact: food poisoning can last anywhere from 2 days to 2 months), and all I could stomach was broth, saltines and Gatorade. I took off work for the 1st day of it (and shoutout to Lexie Grey who came to check on me, brought me said saltines and Gatorade and said nothing about the odors permeating from both me and my apartment) and worked through the remainder of it. Yang fed me pho and praised my dedication and I ended up losing 15 pounds! The Intern Dr. Cross swears I am just one food poisoning away from being skinny, and he’s treating to the next order of egg foo young.

David, The Scientist Guy:  I think I have mentioned this guy before: an author from Seattle whose passion in the bedroom upgrades his talents from average to really, really good. And he likes all the electronics off…no lights, no TV, no music. He is an author who lives in Seattle and he came back to town not too long ago. He emails, I show up and while he hasn’t changed a bit, he did dye his hair a bright/deep purple. Like Baltimore Ravens uniform purple, so he kinda looks like a character from the cartoon Ed, Edd and Eddy. We met on an evening when Yang was in her element and I was her target….there were after hour texts and emails that frustrated me so badly, I cried. David was there with shoulder rubs, neck kisses and hugs. We shut off the phone, shut out the world and relieved stress. It was nice to relax and unwind after a stressful day that way and I almost toyed with the idea of actively pursuing a real world relationship with someone. And then David ruined it…..as I was pocketing the donation on my way out the door, he says he wants a 3some next time(November) and asked me to set it up. So I left the hotel wondering why I simply was never good enough or just plain enough for a man, even when it came to an arrangement/agreement.

Alabama Business Man: THIS guy is my favorite date. With him, I get the Boyfriend Experience every time. There are flower petals on the bed, conversation about our lives, laughter, nudity (remember the indoor naked picnic?) and compliments galore. I met with him the week after David and again, on a day where Yang had been cracking a whip. I told him I needed to decompress and he sprang into action. When I arrived, he met me at the door with a cold diet Pepsi and he undressed me while I sipped it. While I was being spoiled, I noticed he had gotten a haircut that somehow made him look like Moe from the Three Stooges. But then he started doing things with his tongue that made my eyes roll back in my head and all thoughts of his haircut went away.

We laid in the dark, enjoying a comfortable silence, tracing lazy circles on each other’s skin. He stood me in front of a mirror (NAKED) and asked what I did not like….and told me why he did like it. He proposed marriage. Conditional marriage…basically his wife has to divorce him or die. Even though the marriage is unhappy (based on his version of the story), the kids would be devastated. The kids are 26, 24, 21 and 17. I think Moe loves his family but not his marriage. We feasted on room service: scallops, calamari, chicken tenders, French fries, pizza with extra cheese, pepperoni and jalapenos, and chocolate cake. Don’t be jealous…it was hotel food so it wasn’t that tasty.

What I like best about Alabama Business Man is that there are no fantasies he wants me to become, I am not objectified (if you knew how many men saw me as only a pair of tits or some urban version of Xena, Warrior Princess), and no strange positions. We both know at our age and weight, it would be both unsatisfying and painful. Cuddling in the afterglow would be replaced by sharing a glass of water and a bottle of motrin. It’s NORMAL…no extreme fetishes, no control issues, no playing a role. Me…plain old me with the unpermed hair, the not so pretty feet and still chubby tummy….I am more than good enough. And that is when I realized that not everyone will see my worth and realize I am more than enough all by myself; instead of beating myself up that I am the only one who sees it, appreciate the ones (when they come along) who do. Alabama will be back in town in October, and I am counting the days.

Man with the Biblical Name: It has been a good 3 years since I have seen this guy…..last time was right before Prince Charming entered the scene. It’s strange how you can totally forget someone but once you’re reminded of them, it all comes back. Unfortunately for MWTBN, all that came back was the bullshit. He was a pretty regular client when I was chronically unemployed, and our sessions were nice. Then he started wanting to do more and make plans, which he never followed through on. When I pointed out he was the one who wanted to do the weekend in Ocean City and dinner at Blues Alley, he backpedaled quickly stating that this should be a “see ya when I see ya” sort of deal….and I never saw him again. Until last week.

I was taking a smoke break at work and headed back into the building (and a desk full of work) when I heard my name called. I turned and it was MWTBN, except I did not know it was him. I mean, he looked familiar (I thought he was one of Fun One’s (the guy who owns the temp agency) gay friends, or perhaps an old boss I had cussed out (which was soon followed by me being fired by the Mayor of DC). So I am there doing that awkward conversation folks have when wracking their brain trying to put a name with face. I finally told him his name escapes me, and he identified himself. You could tell he was hurt he was not as memorable to me but I am so over it. A single guy who cannot meet except on a lunch hour and who disappeared when called out on his shit? I no longer have time for boys who simply want to shelve the good thing that lands in their lap. The conversation ended with him telling me how great I looked and that he would text me soon. Hasn’t happened and guess who ain’t mad?

Pantyhose Dude: This guy was my longest running client outside of Secret Lover (I met Pantyhose Dude on Craigslist when it was useful and functional, that is how long ago that was) and he is certainly the weirdest. He has a fetish for big black women wearing white panty hose and an extensive knowledge of Nazi Germany. He made me wear a pantyhose suit for our sessions and when he was at home, uses some sort of early version of a fleshlight to masturbate 4 times a day. He has no idea how to kiss and does not believe in foreplay. He disappeared about 3 years ago and I did not miss him at all. So imagine my surprise when he texts me, saying he is missing our times together. He wants to get together. I have not responded and do not plan to. For what? My life has moved on beyond listening to readings from The Third Reich while wearing a pantyhose suit. For real, there needs to be some sort of Booty Call Etiquette; first rule is if there has been no communication/contact after 3 months, don’t contact the person at all.

The Pilot: Ahhhh, my near miss. Let me just get this one out the way right now: The Pilot is a Mormon. A Mormon!! (For someone not on social media, he popped up often enough in google searches and Facebook in case you are wondering how I found out) I am still recovering from the first one and just getting over being ghosted two consecutive times. Now I have to deal with the fact that Mormon men and I may be secretly attracted to each other. I could be a #secretMormon…that’s scary. But I digress…I woke up one morning to an email from The Pilot and immediately a smile came to my face. (not good) He wants to know how I am doing, he enjoyed lunch, he wants to see me. As much as I wanted to respond, I refrained because I cannot take a chance on even one encounter, paid or not.  He is a married Mormon (with 2 small baby girls) who is paying me attention and I find him funny, charming and interesting ….a well-known recipe for disaster.

So these are my updates…it may not seem like much but I definitely see some maturity, growth and self-awareness. It has taken me a lot of years, hard work and half-assed relationships to reach this point: where I can give myself the answers, where I can avoid the traps, and sidestep the cycles of unfulfillment. From this springboard, I will begin the rest of my life. Every day is a fresh start where I can choose happiness, positivity and put crazy in the corner….and that is the plan.

I will be back soon to tell you guys about my 5 hour catch up session with Sister Someone. If you have never read a Sister Someone post before, get your snacks and aspirins ready. You will need them. As usual, thanks for stopping past and reading and as always….enjoy your day!