PowerPuff Girl

Gonna start this post off with some updates. My good, special-to-me girlfriend has made a decision regarding the issues touched upon in my previous post. She is choosing happiness and leaving dude where he is. Should he change his mind, she will be more than happy to rekindle the friendship on a strictly platonic level but for now, he just wants to play the game known as Limbo and unfortunately for him, she has realized her name is not Milton Bradley. Kudos to her!

The job search is frustrating and still futile (more on that in the next post)….makes me wonder more than ever if this is my time to actually write a book. For the first time, I have nothing to distract me. No job, no man and no dates. Just me, time, good music and a laptop. And a ton of stories and characters. I really believe if I took one week and exerted the efforts I put towards my job search towards writing, the book would be halfway finished.

Nebraska (who is a Facebook friend…I know, shoot me now. But I blame the People Pleaser personality) has come across my escort ad and is now wondering if I will peg his ass and if I will charge him if I do so. I told him to just stop.talking. I do not come on Facebook to be sexual; I come to Facebook to be me: stalk my exes and their wives, post pictures of food and like everyone’s pictures. You wanna talk other stuff… answer my ad.

And have heard from Pudgy…see the letter below. It came out the blue in an envelope that had my full name and address (surprised he knew, remembered, whatever) and his name as the return address. As I read the letter, I don’t know what I felt. Even though I think he is no prize as a husband (trust me, not that good looking AND a cheater who is coming across as a teenager waiting for mom to lift punishment so he can go back out and do it again), I cannot be angry at him. Hell, with one action and few well-placed words, he has done what none of my exes combined could do: say goodbye (at least for now) and give me an honest reason why. To quote Rachel Green: “That, my friends, is what you call closure.”

Letter for blog post

Been getting a lot of questions asking if I am okay since the last two posts. Trust me, believe me…I am more than okay with what my personal life was and what it now is. We have all heard the saying: Better to be alone than with the wrong person. The trips down memory lane this time around made me see that. And now I have a greater appreciation for being alone. I see now that I have been doing this relationship thing all wrong. Or perhaps, wrong enough for the not- right- for -me guys to swoop in and take advantage. I (like most women) came out the gate trying to be perfect and impress the men with all of my awesomeness. Along the way, I put myself down (without even realizing it) and elevated the guys to heights untold. And the man never ever had to prove himself to me…I kept thinking I had to prove myself. Guess what…I don’t! Obviously, I had something that caught their eye…they need to show me what about them catches mine.

Seriously, I am the one before a first date (a real, out in public, no-money-exchanges-hands date) showering with Bath and Body Works (the good stuff), conditioning her hair, agonizing over outfits, trying to decide which hair to wear, picking perfumes, lipsticks and asking every neighbor between my apartment and the lobby how do I look. I am the one wondering will he like me, will he think I am attractive enough, will I be able to keep up with conversation? And always, always, always….they are the disappointment. Men who take casual to new heights and never notice my grooming efforts. Men who choose to look at blank walls versus hold a conversation. Hell, Him never changed the sheets between visits.  Do you know how long we would go between visits? I choose to believe the man had only one set and that they were at least washed.

I am giving up the people pleasing with men. Hell, I may be giving up men period. I am a single, independent, attractive, confident in herself woman. Not tolerating nor putting up with stupidity and disrespect. Over the past weekend, I posted an ad on CL. I was going to treat myself to dinner (I have groupons) and did not want my only company to be my phone. So I posted looking for a dinner partner. I got all kinds of silly responses but the cake taker was the guy who emailed at 8:15 (I wanted to be at dinner by 8:30) giving me his CL bio (complete with picture) and asking am I from the area. I responded that I was not trying to be rude but he was asking questions that could be answered in person. I asked was he serious about meeting for dinner? He comes back (while I am eating…that is how long it took him to respond) that I was rude for not sending a picture and inconsiderate in my response and he could not handle the drama.

There was the guy who answered the ad and thought that a one-time payment was that was needed. Our second meeting, he showed up with no payment and dug $40 out of his pocket last minute. (Trust me, had I known that was all he had, we never would have met). Afterwards, when he texted, I would remind him of the payment amount. He would say okay, he would text when he was on his way and then…silence. He did this three times. When he texted last week, I told him in no uncertain terms I was not his girlfriend nor his go-to girl when he was in town; nothing had changed in my arrangement with him so please stop wasting my time. He told me I was harsh and he needed to leave me alone. I told him the truth was no harsher than his game playing and time wasting and he had left me alone a long time ago…I just now gave him a reason to tell me that.

Does ANYONE see anything dramatic or harsh in any of that other than what they brought to the table? See, the new me, the one who is starting to see my fault lies in allowing shit to happen and go on far too long, is not feeling badly about those exchanges nor is she wondering what she did wrong. If knowing what I want and sticking to my agenda is harsh drama, so be it. Of course, it gave the guys the perfect out to flake on me, which would have been done regardless. I just saved everyone some time.

I am founding out that men absolutely HATE it when you call them out on their shit. Well, probably not all men but the ones I know do. There is no reason for me to be called dramatic, harsh or a bitch and once upon a time, that would have bothered me. It no longer does. For real, the questions are why would a man I don’t even know want to keep me from dinner? Why would a guy knowingly waste my time and leave me in limbo and why would I want to beg a man who is a liar and went underground and silent when he got found out to come back? Seriously, I went from being the (supposedly) one and only to a side chick and I was begging for that. (I did that twice!)  Men don’t give sandwiches to women who will settle for and indeed, even beg for crumbs.  And not sure if these men saw me as dumb and desperate or if they knew my reasoning. That I loved them and the thought of us enough to try to hold onto even a semblance of it. That I wanted and even needed them in my life so badly it was okay to change the game mid-stream. I was giving them all the power and they used it against me.

Men know women give them the power: it is in practically every online dating ad. The woman must meet certain requirements and specifications (and women feel less than if they don’t meet them); they aren’t shallow…they have standards. Oh, and let’s not forget, the woman needs to catch their eye and attention by telling WHY the man should pick them.  Yet, if a woman has preferences and requirements, we are told we are too high maintenance, too picky and we need to see them for who they are. Oh, and their response to a woman’s thoughtful, well written ad? “Hi.” So to break it down, men want us to commit to vague words and have no standards.

I do wonder if the new me is too rude and cocky versus confident (no one likes a douche) but I don’t think so. I spell out exactly what I want…anyone can tell you, they knew coming in what it was all about and where I wanted things to go. No hidden agendas…whatever guys tossed out there, they did so because they wanted to and then got panicky and stupid because I picked it up. Seriously…it’s like they handed me a wrapped gift saying: “for you” and then got angry and went crazy because I opened it. The woman I am becoming has no time for the men who don’t know what they want or who can’t back up their words with action. I no longer have time for potential or what could be. I am becoming a bad ass. I am starting to KNOW (not see, not realize) that I am amazing, awesome, strong, beautiful, intelligent, and funny and a plethora of all good things. It is not my fault nor my responsibility if a guy never sees it or if he does see it and still chooses to walk away.

It is not really my/women’s fault: every love relationship article out there is telling women what WE can do to make things work. Anyone ever see any articles geared towards men and what they do wrong? Not even dick pics are addressed as being wrong and rude. Women are constantly bombarded with media and society telling us what isn’t right about us and our behaviors. Right off the bat, women are conditioned to think and even believe something is wrong with them and men are perfect, so step your game up because it’s a competition and only the BEST woman will win. Have you noticed that? Men are perfect: they aren’t fat or hairy or bald… men are just fine the way they are. Women on the other hand are ALL WRONG. We are too tall, too skinny, and too fat; our hair is too long/short/curly/straight. We are too old, over educated/not educated enough, we are all strange and weird and crazy. Long story short, unless you are a mute 25 year old blonde Barbie with a trust fund…something is wrong with you. So imagine a woman like me: 6’4”, over 300 pounds, a year shy of 50, currently unemployed, straight shooter and with a missing front tooth….I am willing to hold onto to any man who dares to call me cute and wonders what it would be like to hold onto my fun bags. I am willing to make a meal out of crumbs and convince myself I am full because I am told everywhere I go, with every magazine I read and every commercial I see that I am fat, ugly and unworthy. I’m lucky a man even looks.my.way. My issues are fed negativity every day and the men I thought were special and different simply reinforced the negativity because I chose to take the crumbs instead of demanding and holding out for the cake and sandwich I really wanted.

Today I know it is NOT that way. I am me and Me is pretty fucking awesome. Today, I know that a man who will base your worth and value and what you can add to his life by your age, height, weight, and race is not the man ANY woman should want to be with. A man who cannot be truthful and consistent, who cannot take me being truthful and consistent…he is not the man for me. Which brings me back to why I will never get married and why I am more than happy to be single. Life is too short to settle, to worry what others think of me, to meet someone else’s expectations.  Life is too short to settle for potential and accept that as being good enough or the best one can do.

I am not suddenly some empowered woman who has her shit together…I still have self-esteem issues, I still Facebook stalk and at times have and hold out unrealistic hope but I know I have the power to be the woman who is confident in herself inside and out; the woman who will know enough to walk away at the first display of disrespect and who will heed the red flags. But for now, one must learn to harness the power before channeling it.

Okay, done talking. Hopefully I did not come across as preachy or all up on a soapbox; I hope I come across as a woman becoming happily single, gaining a healthy perspective on her body and what she deserves emotionally and who is no longer willing to settle for less than what she deserves.  Because that is who I am striving to be. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual….enjoy your day

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De-Friended

New Mommy has had her baby!!! YAY It is a boy and I have NO name for him. For now, he is KBugg’s Brother. New Mommy has a nickname for him but not sure if I can reveal here on the blog just yet. Stay tuned. Since today’s post is a little long, going to jump right in. Going to answer the question if friendship after a breakup is possible. Remember, this is based on me, the men I have been with and my experiences. Your mileage may vary.

I have a very good, special-to-me girlfriend who is going through heartbreak. Not sure what stage of the process she is in (we all process differently) but she is seeking distractions online (where she came across another ex).  Quick backstory: they met on social media and developed a years- long friendship. Mainly online as they were long distance and there were complications. Feelings developed and one or the other would occasionally pull back. Don’t want things to get weird, right? But then, he professed his love, some complications fell away and they met. It was amazing. She was in love and threw herself into the relationship with no reserves. You can’t love half-assed. Things were good and there were two more meetings. Except the last meeting was awkward…hugs instead of kisses and her feeling like an awkward third wheel around his friends instead of his girlfriend. When it was time to return home, she thanked him for spending time with her and he says: “okay.” Then silence punctuated by awkward conversation.

When she first told me what had happened, I asked what she was going to do; she replied they were keeping the friendship. I was jealous….I have zero friendship with any of my exes. I would not even know how to hold a conversation with any of them. I read once that only mature adults are able to keep/maintain friendships after a sexual relationship, so I thought she was amazingly mature and I wasn’t. Then I was skeptical….I just don’t think it is possible to be able to return to platonic friendship after experiencing deep levels of intimacy, being naked and having excellent sex (her, not me) with someone. And now she is taking time and space to process things fully because right now…she just can’t do it because while she wants to keep the friendship, she also wants him to change.his.mind. I feel her on that one.

Which got me to thinking about my past relationships and if friendship was ever there to begin with and if after a decade or so of time had passed, could I embark on friendship with someone I was once in love with and lover to? Because at this point in time, I cannot even hold a conversation with them even if they were speaking to me. A friend is defined as a person with whom you have affection and pleasant interactions with; a person with who you bond with; a patron or supporter of a person, cause or organization. I decided to run a Relationship Highlight Reel, Truth Edition to find out. And if it seem as if I am the perfect girlfriend and the guys are all assholes…that’s because I am and they are.

First Love: No friendship. Not even a relationship. Sex, drugs and lots of violence, that’s it. Except for that Christmas he bought me the Brue Springsteen Ultimate Collection. Other than that, we smoked crack, he pimped me out to support his habit, took over my credit cards and charged up a storm and had organized a gang bang for his brother and coworkers with me as the star attraction. Towards the end, I chased the man down South Capitol Street, butt naked with a butcher’s knife and the last time I saw him, I had a straight razor to his throat.

Nipples: The man Facebooked me saying he had read over our conversation and said I portrayed him as a drunk who beat me and cheated on me while I was the perfect girlfriend who could do no wrong. He was pissed I could not remember anything good about him. (Coming from a man who can only remember the sex between us) I told him I was not getting into this with him. I never said I was perfect (really I am not), but I paid his rent when he was unemployed, I was the one making potato salad for him at 3am because he just had to have it, I was the one who was cleaning, cooking and doing laundry…for him. My thanks? Beer thrown in my face and blow by blow accounts of sexual exploits with other women he gave money to. I don’t blame him for what he did…I allowed it. Just know this: I am not responsible for the memories you left me with. There was never a friendship there and nothing to build upon. Ever.

Married Man: This was a case of sex evolving into a relationship. No friendship.  I have always said that I loved the man but never liked him. I adored him, justified his behaviors and was on call for whatever he wanted, be it sex, a hot meal or a place to lay his head. In return, I got disrespect on levels unheard of and constant reminders that I was not his wife. Oh, and after we finally broke up (for real and for good), he showed me he was incapable of maintaining friendship…who fucks up your federal taxes to the tune of $2700 (when you are unemployed) because you won’t sleep with them?

Him: A case of friendship that led to a relationship. I will always maintain that the man is a better boss than boyfriend. No lie. I was there for him in any way he needed: when he was depressed, I was the one sending jokes and encouragement. I was the one who was finding videos of kinky (and illegal) porn. I was the one buying gifts and liquor and cigars just because. The Hooker he married cannot even remember the man’s birthday. So imagine my surprise when I asked Him to help me with my rent. I did not demand or ask as a girlfriend…I asked the man as a friend and even said I would pay him back. (I think this is where I fail as a girlfriend….I do not want my man’s money, only his time, love and loyalty) Hell, when I was his secretary he paid for my lawyer when my landlord failed to pay taxes, lost the unit and I was being evicted. But Him went OFF….told me he did not sign up for this, he did not have a money tree and good luck with that. Does this sound like a friend?? Does this sound like someone who has affection for me? And he never did help with the rent….when I accused him of not caring about me, he said (with a straight face) that my health and welfare were among his top priorities. So many signs, people….so.many.signs. Lesson learned here: Sex with a stranger is no guarantee of friendship but sex with a friend is pretty much a guarantee of things getting weird and more than likely, falling apart.

AFO: Nothing to be said here. At all. I tried to turn a ho into a housewife with disastrous results. For those who do not know the story, type AFO into the search box here on the webpage and prepare to be boggled at how many posts could be written about absolutely nothing.

Prince Charming: It still stings because I still have love for the man; however, I love me more today. And I am realizing I miss what he offered, not PC per se. This was supposed to be the happily ever after…we started by talking to build the mental connection. How many other people feel if the mental connect is there, the physical falls into place? Not many. Then came the sex, then came the building of a friendship that led to a relationship. For the first time, I was receiving more than I was giving. He gave me attention, compliments and caring. I was over the moon with happiness and no matter what (arguments, sex, bouts of crazy because I was waiting for the FOOLED YOU), Prince Charming was there. He said he would never leave because there was no place he would rather be. I was in love and thought he was too.  More than likely I am romanticizing things because the man was a control freak from hell (he wanted to tell me what to wear, when to eat and ask permission to use the bathroom) who also turned out to be a narcissist, pathological liar, cheater, coward and someone who needs other people to tell his truth for him. It’s like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (hey, at least he didn’t disappoint with the FOOLED YOU) and the questions I am left with, I have the answers to them. Reality refuses to fully sink in when it comes to that though. Lesson learned: you can tell a lot about a person by the way they leave you.

Now the question is: who actually wants to be friends with those guys? Men with such high levels of dishonesty, deceit, immaturity and cowardice? Apparently I did. But time and an honest process showed me the bad will always outweigh the good, and the bad is what sticks with you. In my opinion (based on my experiences), there is simply no way a couple can have a friendship after breaking off an intimate relationship. When the benefits come along, the friendship goes. Sure you can be civil and friendly (so different from being friends) but even that takes time. Sex changes EVERYTHING. And even if enough time passed for these men to get over their cowardice and I wiped my brain clear of all the hurt and mistreatment, I could still not be their friend because then I am wondering why I wasn’t enough. And them being men, they want to think I have been waiting in limbo, legs closed and life unexperienced waiting for them to return.

Reading back on what I have written, I feel so sad for me. Not in a pity party way, not in an angry way…in a resigned-to-my-fate kind of way. Because it is evident I have yet to meet a good man, the love I held for the men was in vain (by in vain, I mean wasted) and the love I thought I had in return was a lie. Does anyone else other than me see that I was their friend and rarely were they mine? And because of this, I am no longer trying, no longer putting myself out there and no longer open to what comes. I don’t know what a good man looks like or does and the behaviors and treatments I am used to….the results speak for themselves and frankly, I am tired of it and deserve better. Much better.

I cannot go through this anymore. Not just the hurt and heartbreak; there is so much more to it with me. I cannot go through the what ifs, the waiting and hoping that they will change.their.minds. (told you I understood exactly what my good, special-to-me girlfriend was talking about). They didn’t have to change….just change.their.minds. Tired of wondering what is wrong with me, what could I have done differently, why they just couldn’t be honest. Why, after all the accolades and compliments they gave and extraordinary efforts I put forth, someone else was worthy of the ring and title while I wasn’t worth a goodbye.

Yet another pro argument for having financials in place….with financials, I know exactly where I stand and what role I play. I am a contractor and if/when my services are needed again, I will be called. As a volunteer, one is showing up every day, working hard and hoping for a chance at the job that you know will eventually be filled. And usually, the volunteer isn’t the one who lands the job…it’s an outside applicant. See, it’s a lot to go through and I have been through it too many times. Not angry nor sad about my decision. Really.  It is just easier to refuse the friend request than it is to be defriended.

No idea what my good and special (in a good way) girlfriend will decide to do. Just want her to know I am here, no matter if it is 2am or 2pm. I am rooting for her…if I want anyone to prove that ex-lovers can separate the sex and friendship and remain friends, it’s her. She doesn’t want to lose him and I know what she means…if he goes, it all goes. Even the good parts and especially the friendship.  Stocking up now on chocolates, tissues, latex gloves and weapons (just in case). I can get us alcohol and Chinese food because no matter the outcome of this, it will be a celebration.

Okay, wrapping up the post now. I will return sooner versus later with new posts . Take care of yourselves until we meet again. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual….enjoy your day!

Always a Bridesmaid

 Long time, no talk. I have not been depressed or even angry but I have been using this time to try and get my attitude right. There is not a lot I can do to control the situation but I can do something. I have been applying my ass off, had a couple of interviews (one for a perm job!) and some submissions for long term contract positions. My mom and brother (the only two family members that know the direness of what is happening) sent financial help. I am so gonna kick some butt once I pay them back, but they both have told me to not be so prideful…take the help and hush.

I reapplied for unemployment and waited for them to finish laughing and send the rejection letter; UI sent an email telling me to file my claims…4 weeks’ worth. Still no payment. I swear, UI is comprised of all my exes. Reliable One has called and asked what was going on….he wants to help me and suggested dinner. I will bring a groupon, he needs to bring a checkbook. And I have done fun stuff: saw The Breakfast Club with Feisty One, food with Downstairs Neighbor, solo dance parties, cooking yummy food, talks and laughs with the Panel and enjoying time spent with me. Something is going to break soon…whether it is the job or me going full ghetto retard remains to be seen.

Of course it’s me, so it has not all been peaches and cream: Crazy Neighbor has gone from spying on me through her window to inviting me into her place while swinging a baseball bat to giving me a present for all I do (candle and card). I saw a picture of Him (Chef sent an unsolicited pic from his new phone) and I swear the man looks as if he is a day late for his own funeral. Seriously, the man has aged 20 years during three years of marriage. So glad he is happier than he’s ever been. And the responders the ads? I have the guy who told me I had low self-esteem when I asked him what prompted him to respond to my ad. He came back with: Why not you? You know a confident woman would jump on this offer. Hmmm…maybe they would but I have a screening process and I am not a fan of people who answer questions with questions. You should know why you want to be with me. Or the guy who said he should not have to pay (dude, again…I am in escorts, not CL casual encounters) since I needed a real man, not the old pervs on oxygen tanks. But, if he had to pay, I was to go to the nearest Western Union and he would wire the money. Hmmm…I don’t need a man…I need your money. And not the one to teach you how this works…either you know the game or you don’t.

Today’s post is to tell you and make it clear to me why I will never get married. The ads have helped me realize this…not because I indulge in commercial sex (which does not make a woman any less marriage material) but because of the sides of men I get to see doing this. I am the chick men open up to…I know their secrets, their kinks, their perversions. I am starting to realize how they operate and why (they write and talk, I read and listen) and while my research and opinions formed are from my perspective and experiences, know this: the men online are also in the real world. May not seem like it, but they are. And I do not claim to be an expert on men but I am experienced with them on levels not a lot of women are; just know that my observations are based solely on me and my many experiences.  So below are my reasons for why I will never get/be married.

Mind Games: Men operate from the ego. All the time. The male of the species must feel as if they are in control and running the show. This is why whenever I reject Nipples’ advances, he tells me if he wanted me, he could get me. This is why Pudgy has gone silent…not only are their egos are bruised, they lost control of me/the situation and I let them know. (Pudgy was an accident)  Never mind most of them have no idea how to lead and turn coward and run when it leads to unexpected (to them) places and outcomes. I think the truth for men is like asking directions: they simply don’t do it and if they absolutely have to, it is grudgingly with all blame placed squarely on the woman for making him do so. Hence, mind games. Not even going to get into it on a personal level (we would be here all month!) but commercially, the biggest one is being the one and only. It’s tricky and a total balancing act: they don’t want to be your only one due to other emotional and financial obligations (including  wives, girlfriends and other women like me)….they can’t be your sole means of support and validation. BUT…by the same token, they expect they should be and expect to hear you say so.  Men brag about multiple “options” and are constantly recruiting more, but get pissed, territorial and downright hurt when they even suspect a woman in this trade is seeing someone else other than them….even though it is what they want. I don’t understand it either.

Lack of Commitment: Men today have no sense of commitment, loyalty or duty regardless of marital status. You know, when I first wrote that statement I thought it was a contradiction seeing as I have two exes who actually married women. Yet, they were seeing these women while supposedly in a committed relationship with me. And as everyone knows, if a relationship blossoms for me/with me, the ads are history and I am all theirs.  So, one of us was committed and doing the right thing. Married men refer to their marriages as “situations” and attached men portray themselves as single.  Neither group wants to change their situation…they are just bored. Or lonely. Or incompatible but now there are children and financials involved. Single men, they cite work and being busy…I say it all the time: busy is the new fuck you. It is a way for a guy to keep stringing a woman along and keeping her on a shelf ….the woman is like beer. You don’t drink it that often (but often enough) and you want one on hand when you are thirsty. Men are only willing to commit to one hour or one orgasm…whichever comes first.

Sexual Perversions: The Enema Dude. AFO with his wanting to suck and be fucked by a dildo. Pudgy with his vibrating prostate massager. “Naomi” with his need for satin lingerie, makeup and wigs. The Old Guy who wanted to see me with a hanging tampon string and who wanted to wipe me after I peed. The watersports/golden shower requests (which I always refuse). The submissives who want to be nursed, spanked, slapped and kicked in the balls. The dominants who want to take out their aggression and anger by calling women very.bad.names. Foot worshippers. Animal Porn. Wanting to be with other men (at least orally). The list is endless. All I have to say is after such experiences, I have no idea how to look at them and the men surely don’t want to look at me. Talk about being naked and vulnerable. Fantasies are great to have and the best partner will give you new ones to explore…but some things need to stay a fantasy because the reality is quite the letdown.

 They Talk Too Much: Forget us women….men talk far too much. And always about the wrong things. The things we want to hear, the things they need to talk about (like why they feel lonely and bored in their relationships) with the people who matter (spouses, significant others and therapists)…they don’t. What one doesn’t know about arrangements such as these is that for the duration, the woman (if she does it right) is much more than a live sex toy. She becomes a masseuse, a therapist, a mommy and a girlfriend. She is open, responsive, and empathetic and solutions oriented. It’s customer service at a most dysfunctional level. So I hear stuff: adventures with other providers, how ex/current wives/lovers perform certain sexual acts, what they think of their jobs, laments about children, their sexual inadequacies, their fears. It is like an episode of Dr. Phil except everyone is naked. The downside of this is if one does TOO good of job with their customer service and listening skills, guys get caught up and offer all kinds of things they forget as soon as they walk out the door: things like trips, exclusivity and relationships. Rule of thumb: if a man offers you ANYTHING (other than (more) money) during a sexual climax or within the first five minutes afterwards, chalk it up to an April Fool statement.

What I Bring To The Table: Did you know men have a scale on which they rate women? The top four things men look for in a woman are: Face, Attitude, Body and Skills. Hygiene and conversation trail not far behind. Out of the online boards I read (for research purposes), nowhere does a man mention a woman’s intelligence or IQ although some guys say they like it when a girl is educated (and for the record, beauty school qualifies as college). Men like feeling as if they are “rescuing” someone. Men like being in control and feeling as if they are manipulating the scenes. Men tend to think being with a “hot” girl 30 years their junior somehow makes them virile and young. I am not that chick….I have intelligence, I can see through the bullshit, I am independent and more times than not, I am gainfully employed. I have my own issues (control and otherwise) and have little time for games and ego stroking. I do not have time to waste on meet and greets to see if we “click”; commercially, of course we will. I have big tits and a shaved vajayjay and you have a wallet full of dollars and no outstanding warrants. I am not a hot chick but I AM a good woman who does well at all she undertakes. I am attractive enough and know how to flatter my figure. You won’t know my issues unless I choose to show them to you. I am not an easy woman to catch, commercially or emotionally but once I allow you to catch me…the hunt is over. Men like the hunt. I don’t like being chased. Life is too short for that. I don’t have time for the ego…I have one of my own. I no longer have time to see if we have potential….I need someone who knows what he wants and is willing to commit to it. I offer a LOT to the right guy (and apparently just as much to the wrong one) and I want a LOT in return. Unfortunately most men don’t have a lot to offer.

And this is why I will never get married: the men I have met through my adventures and in this thing called life have shown me that it all ends the same way: with cheating and lies. Granted, I am biased given who I have embarked on relationships with and what I indulge in to make ends meet, but aren’t personal opinions formed from personal experiences? And not saying all men are like the ones described in this post. I have friends and family who have great marriages and awesome relationships. I am happy for them and accepting I may be one of the ones who will not have a partner in life and love.  I have always stated that the ads are a means to an end…mostly financial but sometimes on a more personal level so no, not looking for true love there. But the insights I have gained have pretty much let me know that marriage and probably long term relationships are out.

I am the chick who loses herself in a man trying to keep him:keep him around, keep him from lying, from straying. I am the chick who is constantly reinventing herself so he doesn’t lose interest. I have to hold back with my truthfulness because men cannot handle what I have been through. Men cannot handle the reality of me…the me who trusts them enough to take off my masks and expose my vulnerabilities.  And for all the efforts and changes I go through, men show themselves to be childish cowards and that at the end of the day, I am expendable. God, I hope I do not sound jaded or confused or hateful. Because I am not…I am just tired of trying and now I have justification to stop. What I have been through with men, what I know about them…why try? Just concentrate on me, a job and my plans and goals. Make ME enough, and I have been doing a good job of it so far. I am finding I like me: I am cool, interesting and fun. A tad self-centered. I am finding I love me…I love me enough to make my own rules and stand up for myself. I find being single is actually an amazing thing and not dating is even more amazing.

I’m happy…life isn’t great but it has been worse. Going to end the post now (it is longer than expected) but will be back soon to figure out if men and women can have a friendship post breakup. Hopefully there will be an update on the job situation also. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual….enjoy your day!