The Way Way Back


DC (the city) is experiencing a spring thaw of sorts after a late in season snow day…technically two snow days because no one really thought that going in on a two hour delay on a Friday was a good idea. I am telling you, the city is going to stop shutting down….I am guessing the feds and state governments do so in the interest of public safety and  to keep folks off the road and safe, but every time the news comes on, folks are out and about, sledding, snowball fighting, shopping, even bicycling! It would appear the snow only stops them from coming into work. Your bosses are watching. Folks are going to have start going into the office regardless of the weather, even if they have to do a Boston (jumping out of windows) to do so.

The   Original #SnowDay was spent playing games with Honeybee and Downstairs Neighbor. DN suggested the idea the day before and I was sooo into it. It was different, it was bonding and it would be fun! Then I woke up on the #snowday and all I wanted to do was sleep…that was nothing but laziness and lethargy which I soon shook off. We were going to play Clue and eat pizza and pasta.  I cooked the spaghetti, cleaned the apartment and couldn’t find Clue…no Colonel Mustard for me and that made me sad. But we played Cranium for about to turns and no one wanted to think that hard, so we did lightning rounds of Perfection, followed by two games of Trivial Pursuit 80s Edition. Talk about thinking hard….I think someone sat around and just made up questions out of thin air. It’s not the 80s I remember, at all.  Downstairs Neighbor says I was too helpful when asking the questions (I didn’t care who won) but the questions were obscure and the hour growing late. We were in a dead heat, three way tie and Downstairs Neighbor was the winner. It was a day of good fun, good food and good friends. We have got to do this again.

#CrazyNeighbor did not come (she was not invited and even if she were, Downstairs Neighbor is white. CN would decline anyway) but Honeybee and I made sure to divide the leftover pizza and chicken from #Gameday with her. Trust,  she is still around…she needs cigarettes and meat to go with her can of beans.  She needs to borrow my can opener to get the beans.  #CrazyNeighbor’s SIM card for her phone came but she is still asking to use my phone, saying she has no minutes and her service is disabled. Not to mention knocking on my door waking me up to update me on even more in government tactics and asking where I have been when I don’t answer. This chick needs an ad, housewares, medication and a support group.

Onto today’s post…I have an ex trying to come back into my life. Let me say this first: it may take me forever and a day to learn lessons and get over someone, but once I do…I do NOT want you back. There is only one ex who still has half a chance over here and we all know who that is. No worries though…not only is Prince Charming NOT looking my way, it isn’t too much longer until he is banished to the Enchanted Forest forever and for good. No, this ex goes aaaallll the way back in the day…over 20 years (but he swears it is just 15 years ago…yes, he is counting) and this is a dude I KNEW I was better than even in the midst of a rapidly escalating addiction. Not saying I am all that but we all know when it comes to men, my taste is in my ass. I dug deep up in there for this one.

The man is 4 years older than me and he has a huge mole in the middle of his forehead, kind of like a third eye or a misplaced nipple. I choose to go with misplaced nipple and his blog name shall be Nipples.  There isn’t a lot I can give you as far as backstory seeing as I don’t remember a lot about the 90s. It was the decade I achieved Rising Star status in the world of addiction and the highlight of the entire decade was I ended up in prison. I was caught in front of a house I had broken into (stolen good galore in the back seat) because the car locked up due to lack of water and other vital fluids; instead of carting what I could and making tracks, I chose to smoke an 8ball and wait for the owners to come home to call me a tow truck. It was a great idea at the time.

In any case, when I met Nipples, he was an overweight alcoholic who was still hung up on the chick he was tricking with. Not sure what happened between them, but it involved following her to a crack house, pushing her down some stairs and ended with her slicing his throat so deeply, she cut his vocal cords. That chick was ruthless…she also set a guy on fire for putting his hands on her. Nipples could still speak but it was raspy as hell. I was an addict in denial who was a productive working citizen and dutiful daughter Monday-Friday. It was not a match made in heaven, there were no butterflies, no instant attraction. We both saw something we could use in each other. For him, I was generous (he worked sporadically and I had a steady income and did not mind cooking, cleaning, and doing his laundry…hey, I am always a good girlfriend) and for me, I had a man who adored me two days out of the week (he was still seeing Cutthroat during the week while I was working and thought I did not know), who would help support my habit and I had a place where I could smoke freely and not have to share one crumb.

It was a stormy relationship at best…we fought physically, were abusive verbally and it was just a mess and a wreck. This was probably the most emotionally unhealthy I have ever been….my relationship with Nipples was followed by the even more physically abusive relationship which was then followed by my personal decline preceding rock bottom. He stalked me, wanted to know where I was every minute, and followed me wherever I went when I spent the weekends with him. He threw beer on me, belittled me in front of his housemates and sex with him was something I had to steel myself for. He would even call my parents and tell them about my drug habit. One Thanksgiving he was invited to my parents’ home for dinner; we fought and yelled so loudly, my parents asked him to leave but not before I pulled a knife on him and threatened to finish what Cutthroat started. My parents no longer have company over. For anything.

But, life goes on and I forgot about Nipples soon after our breakup and the man had not crossed my mind at all since we last laid eyes on each other, so imagine my surprise when he found me on Facebook (I swear, it’s a worldwide phonebook and pretty much everyone is listed). I debated accepting the request but figured enough time had gone by, he was probably married with kids and we would catch up. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.

First, he is still not good looking….he has lost weight and now the mole is more prominent than ever. He says he has stopped drinking (but his personality is as ugly as ever and now dull to boot) and had had three heart attacks. He is on disability and living with his father in NC…not Raleigh, thank God. Second, he is still stuck in the 90s. He has no idea why we broke up, I would have been better off staying with him, and he was not abusive to me…IF he was, I brought it on myself by pissing him off. And I especially pissed him off when I accused him of being with Cutthroat. (Here’s an idea: maybe if you WEREN’T seeing her, I would not have accused you) Who do I live with, do I miss him, do I think about him and if I don’t, that means he was never important to me. He wants me all to himself. Oh, and he was STILL talking about Cutthroat…she passed away New Year’s Day of breast cancer but he not only spoke of her as if she were still here, her name was in all caps (CUTTHROAT).

Nipples has no life….he sleeps all day and watches little television. Every.time you ask the man what he’s doing or what he did with his day, the answer is the same: chillin’.  He does not go out to movies, museums or comedy clubs. Going out to eat is someone’s drive thru. And he seems to resent me having something of a life…when I say I will be back later, he asks where am I going and says I need messenger so we can keep in constant contact. Why do I want to go out, why do I want to socialize? Dude….if one has to explain, you are too far gone. Weird thing is, I absolutely hate the fact that this man is so insecure, needy and possessive but these traits were fine in other men. Prince Charming had control issues and possessiveness out the whazoo and I was happy to indulge them. Love is stupid as hell. For real.

Well, after the bombardment of a long ago past, I told Nipples that we would not be rekindling anything…we have both grown (at least one of has) and moved on. He says he could stimulate me and rock my world. I told him no, he could not…not then, not now; he comes back with I used to like it. Someone give me an Oscar and a porn star award please. I told him that was then, this is now. I mean, does this man not know I don’t even date black men anymore? Hell, I don’t date anyone anymore….job, rent and Raleigh are what I am focusing on this year. A relationship is not on the horizon (I am actually glad I don’t have a man in my life…for real), especially rekindling one with an abusive ex who is still stuck 20 years back.  I have not defriended him yet, but I have stopped talking. What’s the point? A man who has nothing to offer but awful sex and a guilt trip….and he thinks I would be better off with him….how? My exes: the Winner’s Circle of Losers.

Okay, going to wrap this up and let you all know I will be off the grid for awhile. I got my Notice of Exhaustion from UI today…except it is dated 3/3/15 so not even sure if I am getting a payment this week. My situation just went from critical to straight fucked and I have no idea what I am going to do. I have revised my resume, registered with damn near every agency in town and applying to at least 10 viable jobs a day. Nothing. Pudgy is not an option because since our reunion, he has fallen off the face of the earth. I just have no idea and need time to think and figure stuff out.

As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual, enjoy your day. I’ll be back…not sure when but before they cut off my internet.

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