It is Christmas Eve, and I have not one drop of holiday spirit. Not sure why I don’t…granted, Thanksgiving is my big holiday but I usually still feel some of the magic of Christmas. Not this year…and it isn’t a depression or the godawfulness of that first Christmas following the Him fiasco (God, that was a saaad time). I don’t feel sad or less than nor am I wondering what is wrong with me. I just don’t feel Christmas this year. But this will not be a reflective or depressing post because one thing I AM feeling is excited!
Going to start out first telling you guys about the 75 year old man. Yes, I met with him and never again, people. Never again. He was saggy and wrinkly and smelled of garlic, wheat germ and not so fresh egg salad. The man came in and took off his toupee and took his teeth out and set them on my makeshift nightstand. Drool and all. Once he left (not a moment too soon), I noticed my turquoise and gemstone ring (which was also on said night stand) was missing…and I swore up and down he stole it. Well, that or it got caught up in his teeth or hair. Artsy Craftsy told me to just hold the phone and perform the Baby Jesus Lost and Found Prayer and lo and behold…I found my ring!!! Friends. I love them.
Reliable One/The Safety Net came through with a rent check and not a moment too soon. Thank you, Jesus!! It was not without arguments, accusations and me trying to figure out if the man is just not nice or just totally out of touch with reality. Seriously, who FLIPS a quarter to a homeless man looking for food? Someone please tell me what 25 cents buys in today’s society? And there was a lot of taunting from Reliable One: telling me he could write the check with no problem if he chose to do so and asking me what would I do if I didn’t know him. And I knew the answer he wanted (he is amazing and I would be lost without him) but truth be told….if I did not know the man, if the man had never started paying the rent…I would not be in this predicament. Because I would not have had someone to hand over my control to. Trust me, I have learned my lesson here on a lot of levels…I am the only one responsible for my well-being, I got lots of tears and sympathy from my friends but no one had help. The Lord helps those who help themselves and it is time to take back control and power of my life in all areas.
I saw my team this week…yes, they are STILL my team, I don’t give a damn who sits in that window. It felt like coming home to be amongst them and talk, laugh and joke like we always did. I was bummed that Smart One wasn’t there but I had long talks with Feisty One and The Good Looking One, bantered with The Hard Headed One and My Favorite. Harpo twerked for me! I think he was renewing his vows with his Sophia…it was interesting. Sweet One was there and raved over my weight loss and believe it or not, the Sherriff and I HUGGED…twice! That visit was the highlight of my month.
Which brings me to the excitement!!! Raleigh, NC is not only still on the table, it is becoming the table. I don’t think I have ever been this excited about change. Ever. However, my friends are looking at me like I am crazy….relocation was a good idea when eviction was a real possibility but now that Tiny House Nation lives to see another month or three, why move? Stay here where I am easily accessible and we can meet for impromptu lunches and grocery store runs. And while I am torn about leaving (or rather the reasons why), I think it is the best move I can make.
My feelings: I feel almost as if Prince Charming is running me out of town…I felt no need to escape my life during and after the Him fiasco. There was no turn tail and run away…I stood my ground, reclaimed my happiness and found an assignment with the BEST.TEAM.EVER and met a man who (for a little while) made me happier than I had ever been in.my.life. Why should I be the one to leave? PC is already gone and living his life…I am starting to live my life again. I have my friends here, my professional network is here and Lord know, where will I find the neighbors I have here anywhere else? It is comfortable here but I am no longer comfortable.
So no, I am not relocating because PC did…if that were the case, I would be trying to convince you and me how Utah would be FUN and INTERESTING. No, I am leaving because my life is stagnant and there are no changes…no permanent job in 6 years and I keep meeting the same man no matter how much I grow and change and mature emotionally. Not sure if it isn’t my season or if DC has run out of steam and/or options for me but I cannot wait around another 6 years to find out. I just can’t…I am drawing close to the half century mark and not wanting to find myself in this exact position this time next year…trust me, there is a pattern with me, men and assignments come holiday time…2013 was the exception.
Raleigh offers change and fresh starts and new beginnings. Raleigh would be amazing and an adventure and seriously…all I pray and hope and wish for could be right on the other side of I-95S, less than 300 miles away. I would get out more to learn my new city (which means new adventures), I would meet new people (new friends) and I would be able to have expectations of the good kind. It is closer to my parents and I would still maintain my current friendships….phones, text and email work in Raleigh and I would be in the same time zone. I would even have a place for folks to stay should they come visit me. I already have my house picked out: it is in Northeast Raleigh in the Haithcock Farms neighborhood; the house itself is not outfitted with the latest bells and whistles, but I don’t need all that. I need a place I can fill with peace and love and this place just feels like home. I can see myself there.
So there is a lot to do…first thing is to figure out how much it would cost to move and get settled there. I would need a vehicle and money for furnishings; I would need a job. Which means I need an assignment here first so I can start saving and budgeting…I won’t be moving tomorrow but if I work hard and the stars align, I could be having a Carolina Christmas next year. And that is my goal for 2015….to start my new life in my new town in my new house.
Okay, I have tons of stuff to do as I am sure you Lovebugs do also….even though I don’t have the Christmas spirit, I do have the cooking bug and need to finish prepping for my small dinner party tomorrow. Not to mention cleaning and maybe (just maybe) doing some laundry. Wishing everyone a wonderful, safe and incredibly Merry Christmas. Talk to you after the holiday!