Dottie is hungry. Very hungry. Actually, she would have one think she is starving and has not been fed in the past three days but that is such a lie. However, one cannot tell the way she is scarfing down this chicken fried rice with extra egg and curry sauce…I think she is the only indication that shit is getting deep in my camp. That and the huge argument I had with Chef where I (according to Cuz) basically told the man to “go fuck his mother”. I did not actually say those words but the majority says I may as well have. Other than that, I am waking around and carrying myself as if I am filled with supreme faith and confidence or I am utterly delusional…your call.
The past week has been a mixed bag…worst case scenarios are coming to fruition, stupidity is running rampant and a few sprinkles of unexpectedness (of the good variety)….I am out of steam and ideas, tears are flowing and I have no choice but to accept my role in this and prepare to learn the hardest lesson so far in recovery. But not going to give up hope or faith just yet although both are wavering, teetering and tottering.
There is no rent and no options for the rent. Reliable One/The Safety Net has stated that the gravy train has ended…when I showed the man my online ads to show him I was trying to do all I could on my own without his help, I was told: “good luck with that.” When I told the man that eviction was a very real possibility, I was told: “I probably need to move anyway.” The mountain shall not be moved and there is nothing I can do about it. Of course, I am pissed, disappointed and scared…I haven’t been homeless since addiction when I was young, dumb and no idea what the hell homeless was. But, it is my fault for becoming complacent and dependent on someone other than myself to keep the roof over my head. The roof is important! I am hoping, wishing and praying for a Christmas miracle but also trying to get backup plans in place.
The first backup plan is a job/assignment but that is just not happening yet. It’s sucky that the Most Boring Assignment Ever ended mid-October which is the kiss of death for temp workers and contractors…pretty much holiday season is the death knell if one is looking to start a new assignment and in the working world, holiday season runs from Halloween to maybe the second week of the following January. Oh, recruiters have shown interest (I swear, I think these folks are on a quota or something) and I always test above average but the jobs I have been submitted for have just faded away or been put on hold. There is hope for one that is perfect on paper for me and is a permanent job to boot, but the recruiter I am working with is ridiculous. Seriously. She showed up a half hour late for out interview (carrying her lunch in her hand and wearing jeans) and tried to occupy me with piddling videos and unnecessary testing so she could buy time to eat her food. She sends me home with more testing assessments (which I aced) and when I called her for a follow-up regarding the testing, she had no idea who I was or that I had completed the testing. Yeah, while researching job options in Raleigh, I think I will just apply directly for the job myself.
The unexpectedness last week came from my old standby backup plan that is still in the early stages of retirement….the ads. I had three encounters that were fulfilling on so many levels and gave me the extra funds to pay bills (trust me, more than rent is going on over here) and pick up some gifts for my immediate family and a few close friends. First was the Man from Alabama….he was so romantic and appreciative. He had champagne (with flutes!!!) and flower petals on the bed waiting for me…when he found out I am a teetotaling diabetic, he went out and got me a 6 pack of diet Pepsi. He told me how beautiful and sexy I was, he worshipped and adored me and texted with me his entire trip…and saw me a second time (which included dinner and real conversation). The Pudgy Businessman showed up with conversation, a Christmas bonus and actually wanted to eat lunch with me! I reminded him about missing work and he said he would rather be with me…I didn’t argue. And it was rather nice….I learned more about him and when I mentioned I was looking to relocate, he got really upset and asked if I had a job, would I stay? He wanted me HERE. Talk about a “wow” moment. There was the Drunk Indian (Native American) who wants me to move in with him and the 75 year old guy who is seeing the 72 year old grandma and wants an ongoing arrangement with me…he mentioned this in between telling me about his hardened arteries and missing prostrate.
Of course, this week has been slow on all fronts….it is the week before the Holiday Week so no one is looking to hire or get laid. And I am more than okay with that….I have done all I can. Showing up for interviews, testing well, making follow-up phone calls and sending thank you notes for the recruiters and with the ads…keeping them posted and providing good customer service. The rent….I have no idea. My landlord is not one to be patient (I swear, I am going to tell you guys about him in 2015) or go along with payment plans…I am just praying that there is still magic swirling about this time of year because I LIKE living my life and one can only do that under their own roof, no one else’s. I will keep you posted.
So this is today’s post…mostly me rambling and trying to keep negativity at bay. It’s late and while the house is in need of some TLC and laundry is in need of washing that can wait until after I have had some sleep. Still trying to finalize plans for Christmas Day…tossup between dinner and movie out with Downstairs Neighbor or me staying in and cooking a small meal for me and a couple of friends (Downstairs Neighbor, Morning Person and Mini-Me). The Oscars invited me to Philadelphia but maybe I can swing an overnight trip that weekend.
As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual….enjoy your day!