There is a hiccup in my happiness and no, it is not related to Prince Charming. On good days, I can crack jokes about the man and think of what was without sadness. On really good days, I don’t think of him at all. There is no more anger or sadness when he crosses my mind or when I speak of the man…on not so good days, there is just confusion and disappointment and then only fleetingly. PC and the Mexi-Cali Crew are weird, strange and pretty boring…simply not having the time nor the room in my life for them anymore. Call me when the Karma Drama begins. I’ll make time for that. No, the hiccup is little things: my cutie pie leopard flats being destroyed during a morning commute (as much as they cost, they should be walking themselves everywhere), late summer cold, being in a holding pattern over the next big assignment…little things that are annoyances to be sure. I am learning to keep things in perspective and not let a bad moment turn into a bad day. And here is another thing…I am not happy all the time. Really, I don’t think anyone can be happy all the time (even at the height of my happiness with someone, it wasn’t constant) but I am content and at peace with me and situations. Happiness and contentment aren’t the same things but I think they are on the same page. Contentment is happiness muted.
Much of my peace and contentment comes from simply leaving men alone. Not that I am anti-man or about to become a full blown lesbian, but I am not healed over enough yet to deal with men and their stupidity. One does not get over stupid with even more stupid…and sometimes it goes from stupidity to downright ridiculous. Remember my Day at the Museum? I was supposed to go with a guy…the super tall guy who said I wasn’t active enough. I placed a Craigslist ad seeking a museum partner and his response was probably the only sane one….however, our schedules never meshed so we rescheduled for dinner and bowling, which I thought was a bust. But…he kept texting me and wants to go out again…and then I see where he has placed an ad on CL for adult breastfeeding. I’m done but UTA thinks it would be a hoot to go out again to see if he makes a move in that direction. I am just wondering if I inspired the ad (I probably land in Top Ten Biggest Tits East of the Mississippi) and if that’s a bad thing or a good thing. He has texted me asking what will he do since there is no NFL on Tuesday and Wednesday nights…I am just like…seriously? How about you read a book or watch something other than football so you won’t be so boring? I still think the man’s face can crack bricks but I have been told I am being too harsh…he isn’t that bad looking and others have seen much worse. I should give him a chance, but I don’t want to. I find him boring, he actually lives in Chicago (no long distance relationships, please) and maybe it’s me but his face reminds me of a piece of raw beef after it has been beaten with the wooden mallet. You be the judge…below is his ad (that was written complete with head shot).
I am seeking an Adult Nursing Relationship. Looking for a women who wants her breasts worshiped. Age ,looks , ethnicity don’t matter as much as that you love your breasts suckled and caressed. I can host or am willing to travel. I would like this to be an ongoing thing.
The fall off with the ads may be the best thing to happen since I can now fully concentrate on me and leave my customer service oriented life to the 8-5 world. I know I have told you all about the good ads and how the money from two dates is basically equivalent to two days’ pay but I have really not told you about what I go through to get even one viable response. I get illiterate men who MUST only read the pictures because despite a clearly posted age range, I get the 22 year olds who claim to be mature, respectful and ready to rock my world. Somehow, responding when I specifically asked you not to does not strike me as respectful. Again, despite being clearly stated, I get the ones who seem shocked to hear I seek financial assistance…they want to know what happened to the fun of it? Blame it on my addiction background or my emotional wiring, but there is nothing “fun” to me about being used as a hole for a man. I get the guys who want an email buddy, the men who wish to negotiate as far as pricing and time and the ones who want a discount out the gate because it will be an ongoing thing….dude, we can cross that bridge when you actually show me it is an ongoing thing. I ask them to be clean…I get the ones who show up sweaty and unshowered thinking I am going to provide them with soap and water. Yeah, they pretty much leave as soon as they arrive…short of being homeless, you should be able to shower before showing up to get naked and be sexual. This is neither a hotel nor a bath house. I swear, men have stopped putting forth an effort towards anyfuckingthing.
I get the flakes who make a date only to never show, or who say one day/time and a week later, they are asking what’s up or what happened. I have been given hotel names and room numbers and show up only to have the knocks go unanswered or the door is opened by someone who has no idea who I am or why I am there. Once when I was unemployed, I spent my last money to cab it to a hotel uptown to be on time for the date, had my knocks go unanswered and as soon as I \exited the hotel on my way to metro to head home…the date texted me asking me where I was and why was I a no-show. I did not even bother to respond. I get the men who cannot accommodate my schedule (and I get it…daytime availability is key and I just don’t have it) and the times I do accommodate theirs…they flake. Pantyhose Dude was famous for this (which may be another reason I am not all that gung ho to see him)…he could only meet every other Monday at 3:15; while unemployed that was not hard to do but once I started working, he would not budge from that and I would take days off to accommodate him…and that is when he started with he had made other plans. What.the.FUCK? And now, he says he can only meet Wednesdays at 4:15….the man who is now supposedly single and has this incredibly flexible work schedule can’t meet any other time. Tell you what, we’ll never meet. For real. I get guys who disable their email accounts before I can ever respond back, men who call me names, men who seem interested and disappear and the men who after one session think we are friends and email me constantly asking how was my day and how I am doing. And this is a constant bombardment of stupid…these situations are the rule and viability is the exception.
I do have one repeat customer and the man gets on my nerves. I haven’t heard from him in awhile and I swear, I am SO happy about that. I probably sound ungrateful or confused since I am pretty much complaining about the stupidity of the responders (who wouldn’t want a regular, steady customer?) but this guy is nerve wracking. My two issues with this dude is his need to hear that he is my fantasy…no, you aren’t. You are what the five foot, four hundred pound love child of Raul Julia and Marty Feldman would look like. The other thing is he is asking to be my boyfriend…but only when we are being sexual. Seriously, you only want me to be your girlfriend when sex is involved? He doesn’t ask about my day, he whines and begs to see me when I tell him I am tired (that’s very inconsiderate) and the small talk with him is excruciating. He wants to know did I miss him, did I think about him and all kinds of questions that make me want to scream. I don’t like him, certainly don’t love him and he doesn’t even provide fodder for mastubatory fantasies. It makes me wonder if this is how I was with the men I was in relationships with. If so, I ask all of them to please accept my heartfelt apologies and condolences. Neediness is not pretty, especially in a scenario where it is definitely uncalled for.
I think I am growing up even more emotionally…unlike that period of adjustment I went through after Him when anyone or anything was acceptable to prove I was sexy, worthy, pretty, desirable, etc….the time with Prince Charming showed me I am looking for a someone, not an anyone. Chef says I am being picky and snobby but I don’t think so…I have standards and must haves, damnit. I will admit I am still a little hung up on PC (looks wise, I find myself comparing guys to him) but just like PC knocked Him completely out the box, with the one I think is the right one, the comparison will end. Not looking for a perfect package (none of the guys I fell for were perfect in a physical sense) but as I have stated before, I need something to work with: personality and humor and a face I find attractive. Someone who actually listens (Breastfeeding Dude wants to take me to the zoo…it involves lots of walking and dealing with animals who perform bodily functions in public…and when he asked me before asking me out again how I felt about the zoo, I told him it was a huge NO for me) and who is comfortable at Five Guys and five star restaurants. It is also evident with this growth spurt that I am simply not a working girl…I am not on-call, spontaneous and ready at the drop of a dime nor am I constantly horny. The ads are up for a variety of reasons and the reasons are all mine…it is on my schedule, not theirs and if our schedules don’t mesh…oh, well. Yeah, might be time to close this chapter in my life.
But for now, more than happy to stay emotionally shutdown and enjoy the peace, contentment and bits and pieces of happiness that no men brings. I am planning a trip to the Museum of the American Indian (maybe it can be a #homance outing), have two posts I want to write, organizing my closets and crossing my everythings for potentially good news on the professional front. Life may not be as good as I would like it to be (swear, I was 7 stories higher this time last year), at least I am not starting from Ground Zero and able to see the blessings no one can snatch from me. As usual, thanks for stopping by and reading and as usual….enjoy your day!