This is the first blog post being written on the new laptop. Her name is Sadie. We don’t know each other and it’s weird. Her keyboard is unfamiliar and she was a bit resistant to my installing Zune software but all is well. Sadie has a webcam which I may or may not do ridiculous things with…at least I can now skype on a screen that is larger than my phone’s. But the camera is kinda grainy…wonder if that is normal or if it’s the lighting in my apartment. FYI…it’s soft lighting…makes the apartment look cleaner and me younger. Flossie has been restored to factory settings…I did not want to because Flossie had 8 years of my life on her…three relationships, who knows how many jobs, pictures and most importantly….emails that served as evidence of all of this. I know most folks would call them memories, but given who I have been with…it’s evidence. And I let go of most of it…I saved pictures, resumes and music….the Him emails, my blog post drafts, birthday greetings and a lot of other things got erased. I was sad, but new beginnings and all that.
So, was not sure what today’s post was going to be…I have lots of ideas and topics but decided to go with the topic I did some “girl on the street” research on. The question popped into my head one morning: fetishes: enhancement or dysfunction? I think of the most random questions…once I wracked my brains trying to figure out who had/held the keys to the front door of the White House, but that’s another story. Based on the nature of the question, decided to post it on Craigslist, home of “every other ad has the word fetish in it”. No idea what I was thinking as it is also the online home of Stupid, but the results are both sad and hilarious. I really had high hopes of thoughtful, intelligent discussions and maybe even talking to an actual fetishist as the initial responses were gung ho and enthusiastic; that is what I get for thinking people actually know the definitions of the words they use. Just know there was no answer to the question…hell, they did not even know the definition of fetish…it kept getting mixed up with preference, fantasy and kink when I wasn’t bombarded with the CL definition. Side note: men on CL have their own dictionary which can make your head hurt if you have ANY intelligence. The top three definitions of fetish according to the Men of Craigslist are as follows: a big booty, eating pussy and platonic can be sexual as long as you use the word friend/friendship. Don’t ask me about the last definition…no clue. .
A fetish is defined as an inanimate object, situations or body part not normally associated with sexual pleasure or arousal which must be present in order for the fetishist to achieve normal sexual performance and function. In other words, if the fetish isn’t present, no sex for you. The word itself means obsessive fascination and is defined by psychologists this way: a disorder when there is a pathological assignment of sexual fixation, fantasies or behaviors toward an inanimate object — frequently an item of clothing — such as underclothing or a high-heeled shoe — or to non-genital body parts — such as the foot. Only through use of this object can the individual obtain sexual gratification. The fetishist usually holds, rubs or smells the fetish object for sexual gratification or asks their partner to wear the object during sexual encounters. Fetishism is a more common occurrence in males, and the causes are not clearly known. Fetishism falls under the general category of paraphilias, abnormal or unnatural sexual attractions. Easy to see how it could be mixed up with kink, defined as bizarre or unconventional sexual preferences and/or behaviors. Except the kink does not need to be present in order for the person to function or perform sexually. Kink heightens the sex whereas fetish is the sex. I think preferences speaks for itself whereas fantasy is a bit trickier. Fantasy, defined by psychologists as an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need, is actually an illusion signalling a sexual need. Let’s say most men want to have sex with Beyonce…it’s not so much Beyonce but a curvy girl with the classic hourglass figure, long hair, a pretty face and the ability to drop it like its hot he wants.That chick can be his Beyonce.
I have actually been with men who have fetishes and have seen it as a dysfunction…I had a guy once who kept saying he could tell by my face and skin I had pretty feet and he wanted to see them when we had sex. I told him I did NOT have pretty feet and if he had a foot fetish, he had the wrong girl. He swore he didn’t and when we met and he saw I had stockings on my legs and feet…he could not even get hard, despite my best efforts. He blamed it on everything except my covered feet. AFO had the white cotton sock fetish which started out as a bonus for me (not really an enhancement) since my feet look like I catch live animals with them but unless both parties are into the fetish it becomes a hindrance. Remember the fetish being the sex? I soon become objectified or rather, the white cotton socks did. When AFO saw my socked feet…that became who I was. I’m telling you, if I sent him a picture of my face he wouldn’t know who I was, but a picture of my feet in socks? He would say I have never looked better. And the fetish grew…I had to wear then on my hands also. It just got…weird. Pantyhose Dude is another fetishist…when we would get together, the ONLY thing that aroused him was the feel of the hose. I wonder if fetishists are capable of sustaining long term relationships (monogamous isn’t even factoring in here….normal men cannot maintain monogamy, why would a fetishist be any different in that regard)…I would say no but who knows? If they found a partner who would indulge the fetish or maintained a (more than likely pay to play) relationship separate from their primary one they may be able to, but even then I do not see it as a full one on every level.
I never got to ask the CL men these questions since I was too busy being Merriam Webster, but I did find out interesting things: men don’t listen when it comes to what women like sexually. I knew that from at least one lover, but this is one of those: “she just THINKS she doesn’t like it…she has never had it done the way I do it” type of deals. Reminds me of telling your grandmother you don’t like macaroni and cheese and she takes it as an affront because you simply haven’t had it done RIGHT. Her macaroni and cheese will change your mind. The men who are selfish lovers get pretty pissed when you tell them so. I had the guy who talked on and on about what turns him on, what pleases him, what gets him off. When I asked what about his partner, his response was her pleasure should come from pleasing him. Or the man who said he would give oral but not for long because it took a woman too long to orgasm that way and fingering was part of the deal…the more stimulation, the quicker the orgasm…but he wanted his pleasure to last and the woman HAD to take her time. One man even said he preferred to masturbate over having sex with his wife…that way it was all about him. And men wonder….Another thing, men seem incapable of holding a conversation unless it involves sex, masturbation, what studs they are, how high their libido is and how their partners cannot keep up. Well, given what they have told me about their selfishness, so not surprised no one wants to keep up with them. Hell, I wouldn’t keep up with them and I get paid to do such things.
Personally, I could not deal with a man with a fetish…too much work and too much worry. Kink is all I can handle and given my track record I either handle it too well or not well at all. I have found out men have no clue. Period. And that Google is my friend, even when I am at my most obsessive and stalkerish…google gave me answers to my question that two days of painful conversations with actual human beings where I lost them at the definition could not do, Except for the guy who said he had to have a 9″ cock hose (whatever that is). I may have tried to pursue a conversation with him had he used punctuation and I did not have the mental image of a bug eyed crazy man in a strait jacket in my head when I read his response.
Going to end this post with a bit of FYI: It’s National Singles Week and for the first time ever, there are more single folks than married ones: 105,000,000 singles. Of course, what they don’t tell you is 40 million are underage, 50 million are women and 25 million are men who are crazy without papers. Okay, so I made up the last sentence but it’s probably true.
Check back soon for more posts and hopefully posted with more regularity and as always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual….enjoy your day!