This is a post I am hoping will be fun. At the very least educational and light-hearted. I am tired of being all heavy and deep and trying to find out the whys. Fuck the whys….the man is gone, I am not looking for another one and hoping none are looking for me. And Readers (I swear, I want to give you all a new name….”Readers” sounds so serious and a little stand-offish to me. You come here and read all my business that is laid out like a drunk hooker at a party and the best I can call you is “Reader”. Thinking Lovebugs or Honeybuns or something), we can all thank UTA for this post. My friend/confidante/sister of the heart and I have been talking, laughing and giggling like school girls for the past week or so….and she is getting me to do what I have never done: I am laughing at my pain. Rather, what the source of my pain has become….perspective is everything.
Going to start this post with saying my birthday was Monday and it was an incredible day…Facebook showed me lots of love, Downstairs Neighbor took me to dinner and I know I was a little bitchy and picky at first but it was all Dottie’s fault…and the greedy people descending upon my neighborhood. I do not like foods I do not recognize and I am not adventurous when it comes to food. Never have been , never will be and it seemed both restaurant options had stuff that did not sound right or sounded as if it went together…just one place had seating and the other didn’t. However, dinner was actually yummy and the leftovers were just as good the next day. Honeybee bought a cake….a birthday cake with FROSTING…and I was determined to eat some, despite the carb overload at dinner. Thank God I took meds before and after because I basically handed Dottie a loaded gun that evening. One would not think I really do want to see 49.
I received an email on my birthday from…Nebraska. Of all people. I did not even bother responding. I had a girls’ night out with Feisty One and my Childhood Friend (that is going to be talked about in my next blog post) which I have dubbed a #homance and started the 100 Day Happiness Challenge, courtesy of Preacher’s Wife. And I actually answered an ad for a one night stand….the guy is all of 10 (this dude is so baby-faced I wanted to give him a bonnet and a pacifier) and got pissed when I told him I had no sexual fantasies left. I guess he thought I was lying or flaking but seriously, I have been having sex longer than he has been alive and all the things he thinks are so kinky and taboo and “for real?”…I did 20 years ago. Last I saw of him, he was toddling off to the sandbox to ask the nerdy chick about playing with her BDSM Barbie.
On to the reason for today’s post… I have been moving forward with my life and it has taken a weird turn. For the first time in a long time, I have no male/physical distractions, not even the ads. I am getting zero responses and while I am thinking I may be losing my appeal, I am also happy because now I can focus 100% on where I go professionally (rather, where I want to go) and I stay true to the emotional shutdown. All I need at this point is to fall for the first cute face, first kind words or gestures to send me back where I started. So I get up early, ride the metro, go to work…and sit. The few tasks I have are overly familiar and quickly done so I admire the views inside and outside the office. I have no distractions, no text partners and surfing the net gets old before lunch (which I eat alone. Every day.). So I think about PC and wonder what his life is like now. In Utah. Without me and surrounded by a gaggle of folks. His Facebook tells me nothing except the usual: single dad, living in MD and strangely enough, he removed his education and Juris Doctor degree information. Well, I have nothing but time and a computer that is faster than mine, so I piece the info from extended Facebook stalking and look up life in Utah to give me an idea of what he really wanted and what I think I am missing out on.
The answer is: total nothing. He and his family (immediate and extended) live in a town (founded in 1854) that is the 3rd largest city in the southern part of the county and has a population of approximately 6,200 people (+10). Women outnumber the men (100 to 73) and the average median family income is $37,000….for singles,it’s $21,500. 30% of the population live at or below the poverty line. Whites makes up 90% of the population and Hispanics make up 9%…not a lot of room leftover for other ethnicities. There is one registered sex offender living there and there are inside jokes of a retired Grand Dragon of the KKK living in town. The entire town is like some modified version of Chik Fil A….open 11am-9pm, Monday-Saturday and closed on Sundays. They have the county fair, rodeos, demolition derbies/monster truck shows, Snow College (it bills itself as a rural, 2 year college offering certificates and Associates degrees….I say it’s a community college for Latter Day Saints) and church. In fact, the LDS (Latter Day Saints) church there is on the same street where he/they live.
There are putt-putt golf courses and motor raceways for family entertainment along with the Pioneer Park (it has a log cabin, a pond and a bridge) and the RV resort. There is a Peace Tree, a War Monument and their own newspaper. There is a movie theater that shows two movies…at least they are showing current releases. Fine dining options include: Snow Dragon (for all your Asian cuisine needs), Mc Donald’s, Lotsa Motsa Pizza, Los Amigos Mexican Restaurant, The Malt Shop and Ray’s Tavern where they are closed on Sundays for family and worship. Oh, and Ray’s now serves…PIE, people. As for PC and his days…his parents have two horses that his wife and daughter have ridden and that’s it as far as I can tell. Disclaimer: to say MG actually rode the horse is an exaggeration. The woman looked terrified, huffed/puffed, groaned and sighed as the horse was led/walked in a circle. The school aged children go to school and what he, MG and her grown children do all day is a mystery. The top employers there are Snow College and Auto Zone…not kidding. The McDonald’s needs a shift manager and there are a couple of trucking companies(not hiring and would require a CDL license…if PC is no longer acknowledging (let alone using) his law degree, not sure he has the initiative to go after a CDL license). There is one attorney in town and three others in a nearby town. They don’t even a “careers” section on their websites.
There is a Chick’s Rock ‘n’ Roost for the late night revelers, and here is something interesting about night life in Utah: one cannot bring alcohol or beer into the state of Utah and beer served in establishments (from 10am -1am) has an alcohol content of 3.2% or below. Full strength beer and harder spirits may be purchased at one of the 41 State Liquor Stores. By the way, those 41 state liquor stores span the entire state…so you will be travelling to get that buzz on. I just don’t see where it would be worth it since everything shuts down in that town at 9pm. Oh, here’s a tidbit: Utah’s population has grown by 6,000 since 2010 and not from folks relocating there….it’s a baby boom, so maybe sex is a pastime. Whether it’s a late night or family friendly one, I have no idea.
It is a quaint small town that is almost Mayberry-ish complete with history (apparently his ancestors fought numerous wars with the Indians) and a Main Street, but not sure what he or his family are doing there. Not sure what anyone other than retirees and college kids are doing there. Already this town has my vote for most boring city in America, especially for someone coming from a big, thriving urban area. His daughter has a look on her face that is a combination of WTF/someone come rescue me, his son appeared in two photos with a blank face and has not been seen since and PC’s sister looks crazy. In fact, in all the pictures I have seen, folks look either crazy or unhappy…such is life in Utah. The only ones trying to make the best of things and stay positive are MG’s two oldest daughters…her youngest child (who was straight gangsta complete with gang signs in California) looks like she woke up smack dab in the middle of a bad dream. PC makes appearances at the car/truck shows but other than that, who knows where he is and what he does.
And this….this helps me to believe (so different from knowing) that I have not dodged a bullet…I have dodged a round of bullets fired from a machine gun. This life…this is not me. At all. I need culture, vibrancy and options for a night life/social life. I need an office to go sit in 8 hours a day to show off my pretty clothes… not boots, jeans and horse shit. I need fine dining at places where steaks cost more than $19.95 and sides are a la carte. I need a salary that is going to afford me the pretty clothes, fine dining and a roof over my head. I need a man who is going to utilize his higher education, be a provider and actually lead us/me/the relationship. Not someone whose dream is to increase his family by 7, uproot everyone to live in his mama’s basement and possibly get a job as a stocker at the Auto Zone seeing as the attorneys in town have closed rank. And seriously, if the man could not get an attorney job here in the DMV, Utah won’t offer him the opportunity either…the Promised Land, it isn’t. And this man who is actually doing this and living this life…this isn’t the man I met and knew and fell for. My PC had goals and dreams and wanted something…he was independent, take charge and wanted a strong, driven, independent woman by his side. Hell, MG can’t even do her babysitting gig since being uprooted but maybe she can still sell her Amway, so that may be something. But it isn’t enough for me…I need a roof of my own, both parties working hard to achieve goals and dreams and someone who doesn’t find senseless destruction of vehicles awesome. (Not going to really hold that against him as I want the experience of living in a true backwoods trailer park)
So this is my post about what I found out about possible life in Utah. I hope you enjoyed it (I know it ran kinda long) and will check back soon for more posts. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual…enjoy your day!