Saving Grace

Hello, Readers. I am ready to give up the ghost and succumb to my natural destiny: becoming a Crazy Cat lady spinster. As of today, I am 90% officially a Crazy Cat Lady In Training (CCLIT). I have most of the basics: crazy and female; I do not have the cats yet, but that is a mere technicality. I think the secret to being a successful Crazy Cat Lady lies in an attitude of disillusionment, the air of defeat, despair and bitterness and a hatred for most things male. I did not make the decision to almost fully surrender to my destiny lightly but with my track record in love, my trust issues firmly in place and my week of crazy other men…what else is a woman to do? Factor in that being single, childless, gainfully employed, having a semblance of class and proper use of English and grammar are now deterrents instead of assets…I see no other future for me other than being a Cat Lady. Read on to find out what helped me reach this point and what holds me back from fully surrendering.

Not sure if I can be termed persistent, hopeful or flat out stupid/crazy but I keep.on.trying. Not with PC/CP…we are over and done (just need my heart to catch up with my head) but in my pursuit of meeting someone new, interesting and who will get me and want to keep me for the long term. Of course, I know it starts with meeting, building and connecting…and to that end, I posted yet another ad on Craigslist. I was headed to Columbia Heights to pick up my insulin (more on that story in another post) and had a groupon to Z-Burger and wanted some company. Generally, I eat alone all the time: at home, at work and when I am out and about, but that day was so nice and sunny…I wanted to share it with someone. Hence, the ad…I met two and half men from the ad.

The first guy (who ended up sharing the meal with me) was young (my age range specified 38-55 and he was 30), decent looking and had interesting but dark stories to share. He is ex-military, works as a chef, has a roommate and is a single father…and that is when all thoughts of anything beyond the meal went out the window. A roommate AND a child? I complain about men but I am just as fickle and turncoat….my interest dissipated immediately and all I wanted to do was leave. Of course, being a man, he texted me later to say it seemed I didn’t want to go. I let him believe it and told him I thought he was good company but I was tired, busy and really did not have time to pursue even the most basic of things. He says he just wants to have sex with a black woman and all I have to do is lay there. NEXT!

The half man was some dude who responded 3 days later and did not want to give his age and status which raised immediate flags….turns out he is 60, married and of course, lonely. Says he wants a platonic friendship with a BBW but he kept asking me my dress size, my bra size and wanted to talk about how things taste/feel in his mouth. That is simply too creepy for me. I told him I was NOT interested and maybe he needed to look elsewhere. He still emails everyday asking me to give him another chance. NEXT!

The second guy…we talked for three days straight. He answered the ad five days into it and said he would enjoy treating me to a meal if I provided good conversation. He is 43, 6’3”, white and single. He lives quite outside the city and says he has no children, no girlfriend and is in no rush to become non-single just because he is single. He seemed interesting and interested and there were no lapses in conversation and also, no overdosing on conversation either. Until the conversations stopped. No warning, just stopped. NEXT!

Anyone here remember Ted, the guy from Utah who loved Mexican food and was coming to town for business and wanted to meet, but then disappeared after a one day conversation? I swore the man was PC, and I still think so. See, Ted has resurfaced with an email and an internet picture and calling me a “piece of heaven”, the exact phrase PC used in a FB comment to MG. Below is his email (typos and all) to which my only response was he got all that from a one day conversation? I have to say, I am with some Panel members that PC just would not put forth the effort to deceive me in an effort to return, but how scary is it to know that there are two of him out there and they both found me? If he isn’t PC, this dude is officially perverted and crazy…he actually thought I would be flattered that he told me he jerks off to my pictures placed in the ad.

The Email: “I’m sorry I cut you off. Some things came up and I never got back to you. I apolygize Guilty for the way I left you. I thought we hit it off pretty good. I’m trying not to be categorized as a flake or fake. it made my day, it’s not too often I get to communicated with a sexy intelligent woman that I think is one hot mama too. always making sure others are happy….even at the expense of yourself. i’m always frisky when thinking about you. quite a bit. I think of you…then I think what would have been… i meant it in the most romantic way…i swear. i know you’re a high class women. oh my god…you are so pretty…such a classy look. why are you so perfect? i’m shocked that no one has scooped you up. i would love to get my hands on you…you are a piece of heaven…i would kiss you all over”

The ONLY grace saving me from fully surrendering to becoming a full- fledged Cat Lady is my Secret Lover….I have never talked about him because…well, he’s a secret. As he puts it: what we do between us, stays between us. Some Panel members may know about him but doubtful. This guy has been around since the last days of Married Man and he is a total sweetheart. Tall, funny, good looking, and he comes financially prepared. Because he is probably my longest running (non-related) male relationship, his offerings are a fraction of what I seek with others, but he makes up for it in other ways. We talk, we laugh, he massages the stress away and we have never had an argument. He has a live-in girlfriend and I have my life…we leave both at the door when he comes over, which is maybe twice a month. We have no demands or expectations of each other and he is one who makes me forget my need for perfection and lets me put away the control issues for a little while. He has seen me when I just wake up with my wild hair and crusty eyes, he has kissed me when I had morning breath, he is the one who will snatch the hair off my head and wear it himself. He has been with me through three relationships, a missing tooth and now Dottie. He thinks my tummy is sexy and that I am beautiful inside and out and that those other guys have NO idea what they gave up..although now they may have an inkling. I think we have lasted so long and get along so well is because we both know we don’t want a full on relationship with the other one, so there are no pressures or obligations. We do not know last names, birthdays, favorite anythings or what we do for a living. It has always been that way and guess what? It works for us.

So this is what I have been up to this week, along with working, having a phone interview for a perm job that may actually lead somewhere and catching a horrible cold. Check back soon for new posts, including a love letter to Busy Bee. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual….enjoy your day!

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