Sugar, Sugar

Well, it has been a week since I have discovered I am a diabetic and the incredible amount of love, support, concern and encouragement from my family, my co-workers and my real/true friends has been overwhelmingly incredible. And maybe I am not taking my diagnosis seriously enough, but after hearing stroke, cancer and brain tumor…Thank GOD it’s diabetes (although I swear my right eye is really droopy). Diabetes is something I can control, diabetes is something we all know something about regarding both causes and treatment and I have friends (both Policeman and Mini-Me are diabetics) and family members who have the disease to offer advice, tips and extra support. And I am not calling it a disease…it is a condition that can be changed, that can be controlled and that does not define anyone who has it unless they allow it to.

My convalescence has been at times restful, at times hectic (my first full day home I ran down batteries on both cell and landline phones from all the phone calls and text messages) and I am a little scared at how easily I can check my blood sugar levels and inject insulin (10 units at night). When asked how I feel about my diagnosis, my response was (and will always be: I am on pins and needles!). The long hot showers are a blessing…the hospital stay was horrible from a personal hygiene standpoint: birdy baths at a sink with a cake of soap so thin, you could see through it. Toothpaste so cheap, it did not even cut the morning breath and a toothbrush so flimsy it bent in my hand. Deodorant that was so watery, it actually dripped off the roller ball….and people wonder where the hospital smell comes from. It comes from the patients. My hair got so dry and nappy, I broke the comb trying to untangle the sheep’s ass sitting on top of my head. And on Day 2, one of the staff there who wheeled me to one of the 10,000 tests I had to take actually told me that I was beautiful. I have him wanting a green card.

Eating/diet has not been as bad as I thought it would be, mainly because I have not cut anything from it. I have reduced portions A LOT and the highest my sugar has been since being on my own with the condition is 226…the lowest is 116 but I had not eaten anything since breakfast. I simply was not hungry (the sugar pills leave me full) but I have been admonished that I HAVE to eat, so I will try to make sure I keep healthy snacks, salads and sandwich stuff on hand. I was also told no melons of any kind, no bananas, no strawberries or white grapes. Well, hell…there goes my fresh fruit save oranges and thinking if orange juice is a no-no (and I loooove orange juice)…all fruit juices are a no-no….oranges may be a no-no also. I also need to ask/research what to do about breakfast since I am returning to work. I have instant oatmeal getting real old, real quick. It is so easy to fix healthy, pampering breakfasts when you have nowhere to go and all the time in the world, but what do I do as a working girl who chronically oversleeps and cannot afford to be even five minutes late (save for metro delays)? Hard boiled eggs are not the answer…I will be in public surrounded by people. You do not want to know what hard boiled eggs do to me….and if I eat them at work, people will know.

Smoking is something I have been nagged about for years (I keep telling folks if you cut me, there is no blood…only nicotine) and apparently folks thinks my diagnosis gives their argument even more credence. And I understand…I really do….but if threats of lung cancer and emphysema have not stopped me, a brand new diagnosis is not going to deter me. Yet. I have been toying with the idea of quitting for a little bit…first off, cigarettes are the new crack: damn near $10/pack and when you are out of them, regardless of health and weather and even when threatened with overdraft fees damn near $40…you are going to get them. Second, I have been smoking cigarettes for 30 years. That is a long time and I am actually getting tired of smoking…it is more habit than anything at this point. And lastly, I am smoking more than ever….at least a pack and a half per day. I am smoking more cigarettes than there are hours in a day. Not good. So yeah, quitting may happen….cannot say when or why, but it is something I am finally considering.

The strength in my body is coming back….my legs may look limp spaghetti noodles but they no longer feel like it. Feeling is being restored to my left side and I have even lost weight! Not sure about too much weight loss though….according to PC/CP, I have enough clothes in my closets and apartment to fill a chain of stores (he is not far off) and not trying to rebuild a wardrobe. Can’t afford it. The one thing that is still around and is a source of anxiety for me is the sexual dysfunction. Despite still having numbness “down there”, I do get aroused and actually have no problem running the race, but I can.not. cross the finish line! Do you have ANY idea how absolutely FRUSTRATING that is?? Jesus. Oh, and the sugar pills (2000 mg/day) give me explosive diarrhea pretty much immediately after I eat…wondering how anyone can still have diabetes when the food does not sit long enough to digest. I actually shit my pants walking my neighborhood the other night…trust me on this: when you are on sugar pills, there are no more farts. You skip the preliminaries and get straight to the nitty gritty.

So all in all, I am pretty much ME again (except for the whole sexual dysfunction thing) ….and that is a good feeling. Trying to become more laid back and surprisingly enough, I am moreso when NOT in what passes for a relationship in my world. It is just so much easier to relax (as PC/CP always admonished me to do) when one is not waiting for lies and crazy to pop off. Also need to eliminate stress and those who cause it…we will see how that works out . You guys know me….staying in the moment, letting things unfold naturally and letting go are not strong suits and I am too much of a romantic to NOT try (yet) again in love. But, taking everything one day at a time or trying to.

As always, thanks so much for stopping past and reading and check back soon for more posts and as usual….enjoy your day!


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