There is a lot going on (which I will get into with my next post) which has me relying a lot on my Panel. I am calling folks at work, texts are flying, and then a rehashing of conversations with other folks in the evening. It involves a lot of advice, speculation and is kinda draining for all involved. That got me thinking about friendship…it is defined as harmony, understanding, accord and rapport. I have the best friends in the WORLD and they all show me what is in that definition plus so much more, but one person stands out from the rest. One person gets more phone calls, more grief, more questions and it is time to recognize and acknowledge that person.
Today’s post is a love letter to Morning Person. It is incredibly overdue and definitely time for her to know how appreciated she is by me. Come back soon for the latest update, more love letters and bouts of official crazy. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual…enjoy your day!
To My Most Amazing Good Girlfriend:
I love you does not begin to cover what I feel for you….you are my faith when I have none. You were the one who was there when there was no me and no Panel. You were there when I celebrated 4 days clean by getting high. You were the one who was there when I was closed minded and thinking that letting men treat me like shit was the way to keep them and hold onto them. You were there when I finally “got” recovery, and for every anniversary since. We have had conversations than never happened. You know me in a way no one else (not even my/our mother) does…you know what makes me tick. You know the reasons behind the issues and the crazy. You know why I need to know the whys and wherefores of random fuckery. You have been there for every relationship, my achievements, my setbacks, and for the bad ideas. Hell, you ARE the Panel.
You are the one who tries to protect my heart. Your wisdom, your incredible patience, your cheerleading, no nonsense attitude and sympathy inspire me, motivate me and I cannot think of a time when you were not there to share everything with. Your insight into my relationships has helped so much…I would like to think I am making progress…we have gone from total losers to potential. When I say I am shutting down, no more ever again…you are the one who knows it is a lie. You always know when I am lying to myself. Whether it is a dinner party or a man, you know my heart is too big and I am too optimistic not to share what I have or try again. Your pushing and prodding when it comes to getting me up for work (and thank you and bless you for having the fortitude to keep calling, even when I oversleep) has definitely made me a better employee…my team sees more of me (and on time) than all the other teams combined. You are the one who sees my potential and knows it is has not been reached yet. You push me to reach it.
When I grow up, I want to be like you: selective in who enters my life, patient, and wise enough to know to let go when what was there is no longer there or even when it still is. You lead with your head, not your heart and make the decisions that are best for you longer term, not what feels right at the moment. It must work because you have never called me at 4am, screaming and crying. I know I am a helpless (not hopeless…I have enough hope for everybody) romantic who wants every man to be the one and every relationship to have a happily ever after, but you help me see (every time and after a LOT of long talks) that the ending is what it is…learn the lesson and apply it to the next big thing. You stop my self-criticisms and try to stop me from putting others on pedestals and giving them credit they do not deserve. When I thought I was going to die because of Him, you were the one who held it together for me and your words and advice are helping me with this current situation. Your up close and personal relationship with Acceptance is a gift I think only you have and it has added teacher to the list of things you are to and for me. Hope does not like you very much though.
Our friendship has weathered so much: jobs, relationships, good times, great times, ugly times, my mother’s stroke, your mother ‘s passing, tears, laughter, ridiculous times….you have truly been a lifelong friend and you will be my lifetime friend…as you said, ‘til death ‘til us part. You are the friend that jumps into the hole with me when I fall in because you know how to get out of the hole, and friends don’t leave friends in holes. There is so much more to say and I have so few words…just know that my life changed for the better the day I accepted your friendship and as long as you are a part of my world, I know I will be just fine.