My kingdom is falling apart…well, that may be a bit extreme but definitely construction is halted. Prince Charming had stopped speaking, I have suggested taking a break so we can at least salvage the friendship, there have been tears and sleepless nights, and the Panel members helping me navigate my first real relationship are all baffled and a little pissed. It is a freaking mess over here and I have been drowning my hurt and disappointment in spaghetti and Symphony bars. With almond and toffee. I need a distraction, and what better way to wallow past sadness and confusion than to celebrate the people and things that make you happy? So I am back writing love letters and starting with Cuz. Hope you enjoy the letter and check back soon for more letters and updates. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual…enjoy your day!
My Dearest Cuz:
WOW! I will start by saying if I were stranded on a desert island, you would be the member of choice to be my companion. You are funny, intelligent, insightful and crazy as hell. We share the Puzzle Factory, the Whorephanage, online ads, a love of music, deep, dark secrets and let us not forget the Adventures of BDD and Bottom Bitch. You are my sanity in my world of drama and WTF. You are the one who lets me make mistakes…all that matters to you is that I am happy and when the happiness wears off, you are there with tissues and curse words to make the tears disappear. And to think it started online with a simple thank you.
I love you for many reasons and in a lot of ways…you are always there when my personal life goes all to shit, and you usually have the reason why. When the insanity reaches the incredible level, you are there to tell me what the issues are and when it is best to leave well enough alone. You have a knowledge that is incredible, and can break even calculus down to a 3 x 5 flashcard. I am in awe of your many talents, your nuggets of wisdom and no matter how low I am feeling, how worthless and fat and ugly I feel….you are the one to show me (not remind me…show me) that I am the baddest chick walking. You are the one who stops the pity party, the negative talk, the stinkin thinking. Dead in its tracks, straight no chaser. You are the one with a belief in my talents that rivals God Himself, the one who calls me up so we can watch TV together, over the phone and the ONLY one who shows up unannounced because we are family…of the heart.
Your goals and visions for your future are inspiring and even when it seems/feels like you are standing still, progress is always being made where you are concerned. I know you feel a little lost and a lot lonely since you lost One Great Love and have had as much luck as I have had with the dating scene…and I am going to tell you something that you always tell me: you are too much man for the women you come across. Sit still…right now you are being prepared as your Next Big Thing is being prepared. Stop moving, darting and pursuing…stop lowering what you want, need and deserve just to have someone in your bed. You are meant to have a woman in your life, your house, your heart…not just your bed. You deserve a woman who will not love you, but be in love with you…and you can be in love with her. All of her, not parts and pieces. A woman you can both teach and learn from and have conversations about anything, anytime, anywhere. She is on her way, but she will never find you unless you sit still.
And we both know it is not all lovey dovey and Brady Bunch with us….we have had Conversations that Never Happened, we call each other on our bullshit and have gone days without speaking…but it is out of love (and stubbornness). We do not drive each other up walls…we drive each other through them, but we are always there to pull each other out and dust each other off. Because that is what real friends, real family does. Right or wrong, through thick and thin…you are my blood, my friend, my Cuz. And I love you more than you can imagine.