2 Misses, a Hit and a Maybe

Going to start this post off with news that will make some people very happy: my arrangement ads are G-O-N-E. It was a tougher choice to make than I thought but the facts that there were more flaky responses than viable ones, the safety/danger element, my full time day job and the fact that I want a real relationship outweighed the one pro the ads had going for them: I could make a day’s pay in one hour. Except those hours were far and few between. I have 30 days to renew the ads should I choose to do so…at first, I told myself I was going to see how the next 2-3 weeks go. A random hour here and there makes a difference, but do not think I am.

So onto the reason for the title that made you look at his post…since the last time I posted, a lot has happened and it all has to do with men. Strange to think not a year ago (or was it two months ago?) I swore I would never find someone to like, let alone love and was doomed to spend my remaining years alone with cats. Strange how I thought I would have nothing right left to give someone who deserved it and that my issues and I were doomed to spend eternity dancing our macabre tango. The past 7 days have me breaking free of chains that have held me down for far too long and falling in like with a guy so different from everyone else, I am effin’ scared.

The Misses: AFO is the first miss. He emailed me this past week and when I saw his name in my inbox, I had a little jump in my tummy and was actually happy to see it. I wanted to tell him that someone did think of him every so often, prayed for his safety and even though I wasn’t the girl left behind, I did want him home. Except he comes at me with how disappointed he is in my bitterness and I need to get over it. Okay. And then I realized that my empathy, sympathy and feeling sorry for his decisions was yet another waste of emotion. This is a man who has told me that yes, he used me and was using me again…and not even using me in a way that would be/could be pleasurable to both of us if even for a little while. Fuck him. I am no longer wasting time, energy or emotion on someone so ungrateful and undeserving. I did not respond…just deleted and continued on with my day (after telling the Panel).

The second Miss is Work Boyfriend…I know, I fell out of my seat also when he showed up at my window. Swear, all I need is Him to return and the Circle of Idiots is complete. I had seen WB in the lobby of the building earlier in the morning and did not even recognize him. He spoke to me and maybe 5 minutes later while smoking my cigarette did I realize who he was. He came to the window while I was at lunch and when Smart One greeted him and asked how could he help him, WB wanted to know where I was as I was the only one who could help him. Smart one said I was not there and WB apparently got a little agitated and insisted I WAS there…he SAW me. That is when he was told I was at lunch. Later that afternoon, WB shows up again, telling me he knew what he wanted now and he was ready. He wants to rekindle the spark (ironic that the two men who made the Miss List used the same phrase) and keep the flame going between us. I just looked at him…I had no idea what else to do. I have nothing to say to WB…his actions, game playing and lies have pretty much rendered me speechless. When he saw no response was forthcoming, he advised me to think on it and he would see me soon. The man is an idiot. And a douche.

The Maybe: No one knows this guy and I am going to call him The Man with the Biblical Name (MBN for short). I met him via the ads and he is pretty much a regular. He is tall, funny, an IT professional who is single, a workaholic and has a sick dog. Conversation flows easily between us, he returns the favors (very well) and has apparently lost his mind. He texted me to tell me he wants to see me again, but he wants to be the only one. He does not mind the financials, but hopes I do not view him as a john or a trick…he is digging me on a whole different level, he thinks I am beautiful and funny and terrific and wants status with me. He wants us to go out to dinners, movies and a weekend in Ocean City next month. Well, I am all.for.that. I told him that the ads were expiring and I did not view him as a trick or john…never had. And I do not view any of the men I have met/been with via the ads that way. We are all looking for something. However, there are two things that are not necessarily red flags but they are observations that make me hesitant to give him status: the man is scared of rain…he will flake in a heartbeat at the mere mention of rain and I cannot be viewing weather reports trying to plan a social life for me and my man around rain. The other thing is, I think he does miss me when we are not together, but he does not realize it until we are together…if that makes sense. I am not quite an afterthought, but thoughts of me are prompted by the carnal…and not sure that is a good thing, especially if he wants status.

The Hit: I am going to preface this by saying I am not used to normal. I come from a background of abuse in personal relationships: rapes, beatings, disrespect and mistreatment. The extremely abnormal has been my normal. I have grown accustomed to lies, being used and being left. I give my all to men I truly like/love/care for and about and I get left, which tells me my best is not good enough. It tells me I am not pretty enough, not sexy enough, that I am lacking in some area. This thing with Country Boy has me waiting for the big “FOOLED YOU”, it has me wondering what is wrong with him because I am fat and have a missing tooth and am completely issue laden and just so many other things. I am searching for what’s wrong and nitpicking over every little thing and I am just going to STOP. Whatever it is, it makes me happy and Lord knows, it is beyond time to move beyond what I am used to and enjoy what I deserve. Oh, and according to Weekend Phone Friend, the only one harping on my weight and a long gone tooth is ME. No one else.

So, in my last blog post I told you all how I accused CB of seeking out others via adult internet sites and vented how he was unavailable and mentally deficient. I told you all how he said unfortunately he did not find nor look for someone else. Well, not long after I posted, he emailed. He told me that what he meant to say was “unfortunately for you”. He told me that when he responded to my ad, he was lonely and looking…he liked the way I presented myself and when we met, I was so many other things he was definitely not expecting. He does not view me as that girl…..why do I want to label him as that guy? (And none of this was said in a mean or angry way…just very calm and laid back) CB then goes on to say that he has not seen or been with anyone since me…if he had time for that, it would be spent with me. He wants dinners with me…even if it meant nothing more than pieces of bread, if it is with me, it is a feast. He is loathe to use the word relationship because he has HUGE trust issues (the only thing I could think of when he said that was after work, we could exchange phones and scroll through them) but wants an ongoing, regular friendship with me that would involve trust, communication, comfort and as much time spent together as we could manage. By now, I am feeling lower than a snake’s belly but super excited…the man is sounding like the lead in a Drew Barrymore rom-com.

CB validates me all the time…he tells me all the time how beautiful I am, how great my personality is, that I am super cute in all my outfits (even though he has yet to see one of them). Hell, he even likes the drama I seem to attract. He makes me feel special and wanted. He wants to know what my goals are, what motivates me, what I want to do…anytime and anywhere. He does want the physical but says there is plenty of time for that and for more than a onetime thing. His contract expired last week…yet, he is asking me about my day, am I feeling alright? He has started sharing funny and interesting emails his dad sends him with me, and asked my opinion on some job listings. NO ONE I have been intimate with (even the relationshits) has asked for my input on a damn thing. With him, I feel like my brain is out of sequence but in a good way. All the endings I have in my head for us…he does the opposite. He keeps talking, keeps validating, stops the arguments before they start, keeps stoking hope until I can no longer contain it.

But I still nitpick, but not with him. He still is not spending time with me I whine and complain to the Panel…Morning Person nipped that one in the bud. The man finds time to email me 2-3 times a day (and got one at 12:30 this morning after he spent the day with his kids at their games and the movies)….it may not be spending time the way I envision it, but it is time spent. When the time is right, we will be seeing each other…for now, just enjoy getting to know one another. I ask what is wrong with him, does he not see me?? Honeybee says of course he has seen you..and without any clothes on. She asked me why was I scared someone finally saw the beauty inside and out and was caught up in the magic and wonderment that is me? And I told her the truth: because no one has ever been interested in me after the fact…unless it was to get some more of my “fact”. No one had ever taken the time to find out about ME.

And I feel guilty…he has not been with or seen anyone in any capacity; it is work, kids and emailing me. I have been on two dinner dates, saw the Man with the Biblical Name and had an arrangement date. Feisty One says that all that has to end…the man is a single father giving me what time he has. I need to give him a chance…he’s giving me one. And CB played a big role in letting the ads expire…one thing the entire Panel agreed upon (independently…no one knows what the other said) is that with his trust issues, CB is probably checking to see if the ads have been renewed or removed, and maybe he will put forth more efforts knowing that they are gone. For now, I am trying to stay in the moment and just see what the day brings but please know I am ready to give up a few dollars for the chance at something normal, healthy and hopefully long term.

I am letting guards down, putting issues and baggage away (slowly) and letting hope rule supreme. I’m falling for him, readers…falling hard. And I am so very, very scared….

Cracks Beneath the Surface

It is a rainy Saturday and I am feeling somewhat headachy (smoking too many cigarettes and not enough food), tired (had a no pants/no bra solo dance party) and just at loose ends. I feel that time is running out…for what, I don’t know. Maybe for love, a real relationship, enjoying life, being able to do things I want to do. I feel I am wasting my free time by sleeping in, watching cable and repeating the same damn things every weekend…laundry, cleaning, cooking. I am tired of doing things solo, so I simply no longer do them. I used the rain today as an excuse to not go out for Chinese food and a movie, but the real reason is I simply had no desire to do it alone. I can stay home and be alone. So I decided to write a blog post about things on my mind since it is only me, my thoughts and a laptop spending Saturday night together. The thoughts are in no order of importance…just a mish mash of past, present and “what ifs” colliding together.

My Apartment: First, Reliable One is nowhere to be found and I need his help (as usual) with the rent. But that is not the biggest thing about my cutie pie house on my mind….it is really in my best interest to move. I have been here almost 10 years and while I did not have much when I moved in (3 boxes with clothes and books)….my life is in here now and I am outgrowing the space. Actually, I outgrew it maybe 5 years ago, but I do a huge clean and purge to make room once a year or so. I love my apartment…it has seen me through 3 relationships, 2 bouts of unemployment and I know the story behind every piece of anything in here. This is where my landlord duct taped the bathtub because it was cracked and it fell through less than a week later or the time the dishwasher caught on fire. This is where I have made love, vented, celebrated, prepared my first Thanksgiving meal, and slept. This house is my haven and has seen me through depressions, funerals, days where I just laid on the floor and stared at the ceiling and days I believed anything and everything was possible. How can I leave it?? But I want to relocate to Philly…can’t take it with me there. Just going to stay in the moment and in this moment, my apartment and I are together. Strange my best relationship is with four walls, three rooms and a balcony.

AFO: I feel sorry for the man. I am going to say I shouldn’t after all his ridiculousity, but that is the reason I feel for him. He is in a hostile/volatile place all alone with nothing of home. I almost feel I have abandoned him at a godforsaken time, but I have not written him. He made his choices, apparently not only with me but with all the other women he has been with. Except the Craigslsit chick who is either incredibly dumb, has a paypal account or a saint. I am none of those. I have put him in my prayers though…prayers are a good thing.

Country Boy: He is starting to irritate and frustrate me. No mention of the dinner, all I hear about are his kids and when we were both off on the same day (totally coincidental….he was sick with a head cold and I was just feeling blah and had overslept), he said it would be nice if I came over and we took care of each other. Well, I was all for it even though it would more than likely include soup, snot and sleeping. But no word from him after I responded. Not.one.word. He emails the next morning saying he was just out of it and coached his son’s game that evening. I am ready to call bullshit on that but apparently, this is what parents do. I told him I figured he had found a nurse online and I spent a day to myself and enjoyed it. Not very nice and a petty dig, but that is how much this going slow is pissing me off. He responds with UNFORTUNATELY he did not look for or find a nurse….not quite a red flag but definitely not a good choice of words. See, this is why I do not deal with men with children (there is no time for anyone else) or why I no longer try to deal with men I meet via online ads in a setting outside the financial…they are mentally deficient and emotionally unavailable. Yet, he still writes everyday…I think he just wants someone to share his day with and I am quietly shelving expectations. Did I mention I am still writing back?

The Ads: I said I was going to let them die a natural death…they expire in one week, I am not getting viable responses (Country Boy was the last one) and frankly I no longer have the time and energy to deal with the flakes and fakes. And if a sincere response comes through, I definitely do not have the whatever it takes to follow through. So they are no longer serving a purpose except to give AFO a way in, but a part of me wants to try one more time. I have been off the scene long enough and business men come through all the time…if I could get 3 good responses, I could bank the money and then take the ad down. But, I have a full time job now…with a promised pay raise coming at some point. I want to change the men I meet and the way I meet them and I am simply not a working girl…I do what I have to do but I want a relationship. A real one, a healthy one and I already know: guys will fuck a whore but they won’t date them. Still not sure what to do about that…it is a gamble either way.

So this is what is on my mind tonight…really wish I had money or a credit card with an incredible limit. I would take a week off, fly someplace tropical (and take UTA with me) where I could sip fruity drinks with umbrellas in them, get massaged all day and be adored by hunky cabana boys. I would sleep in until noon, lay in a pool and slow dance with strangers at night under the stars. I would go someplace and get my groove back. Well, a girl can dream, right?

Before I get out of here, I have to tell you guys about Oscar’s poetry page on Facebook. She wants everyone and their brother to like it (hahahahahahahaha) but seriously, she is an amazing poet and looking to gain/get some exposure. Show a girl some love, please. Here is the link: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Beautiful-Disaster/163086817229158?hc_location=stream As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual…..enjoy your day!

Surreality

Things are weird. Fair warning; be prepared to potentially see the word weird a lot in this post. That is because for the first time in a very long time, things are aligning in a way that does not take me out of my comfort zone, I am not questioning or overthinking and I am pleased, content and happy with what I have. I decided to blog about it for two reasons: how rare is a blog post where I am not venting, bitching, analyzing, questioning, whining about something? And I need to put this in writing so when things fall apart and I get to saying how nothing ever goes my way, I can look back and remember that for a little while…my life had pieces of perfection that fell into place and fit together wonderfully.

I want to talk about AFO first….the man is not crazy. He is crafty, manipulative and delusional (I am spot on with delusional), but not crazy. I was emailing with him earlier in the week and trying to be friendly and upbeat and not a grudge holding bitch. But then he went off on tangents about how strong our history and connections were (he is talking with another chick from Craigslist and I am guessing he did not want me to be jealous) and basically told me he was doing ME a favor by not discussing our sex life and no, he did NOT keep in contact with me since we were not exclusive. And that is when I decided that I was no longer going to feed into the delusions or keep up the farce that was us…I told him off, broke it off and have not heard one word from him again. I am not sad or feel badly…I feel relieved and am amazed at how much disruption the man brought into my emotional well-being. Seriously, it almost makes me appreciate Him…for whatever reason (happiness, in love with the BTH/BTGD, cowardice)…whatever the reason is, it prevents him from barreling back in here, raising the what ifs and is allowing me to move forward. I guess it took AFO showing me the depth of his selfishness to open my eyes to who he really is. Not going to beat myself up too badly…I was in a vulnerable position and overdosing on aggressive sex. No one can be expected to think clearly with that combination.

The job is cool and I am shocked at that one. Those people are weird, no doubt about it. I cursed them out, acted in a totally unacceptable and unprofessional manner…and they apologized to me! The running theme is that one has to let out all the stress and tension and even the big boss was congratulating me on my effective and multiple usages of both the “f” and “s” bombs. If I had any doubts before…THIS is MY job. Now if I could only get them to follow through on the pay raise, this would be m DREAM job but all things in their time. The fact I still have a job where I am liked and respected is more than enough to earn my gratitude (for the moment).

Country Boy…I want to change his name to The Lawyer, but then he says thing like “I bet you look mighty great today” and I am back to Country Boy. Whoever he is, he has crossed over from different to weird. First thing, I do not mind that he has kids…well, I do a little bit (plans for dinner still have not materialized due to work schedules and his children’s sports/after school activities schedules) but not enough to totally dismiss the man. He is proud of me for setting aside people pleaser tendencies and standing up to AFO (he does not know the whole story) and actually defended my outrageous outburst at work. So he is willing to justify and rationalize on my behalf….that beats just accepting it and chalking it up to me being crazy any day. Another weird thing…I trust him. Not a lot, but enough that the ONE DAY in over a month he did not email me, I did not go crazy….and he sent me an email at 5am telling all about his day Sunday. When I DID go crazy three days later (only to Artsy Craftsy and we are both blaming it on my godawful headache) thinking he was dating others, he was still trolling adult internet sites…he sent me an email at MIDNIGHT (who else is thinking of me at midnight, other than my mother?) to tell me what he had been up to, wish me pleasant dreams and that he was looking forward to talking to me when I woke up.

So he is somewhat psychic…okay, probably not, but I like how his timing works. Nip the trust issues in the bud…before they start. Wow. I do not know what to make of CB or of this….we talk constantly but never about sex or how we met. I wondered if he was taking it slowly because of how we met but I think he is looking at it the way I am….both of us were a total surprise to the other, we obviously had good physical/sexual chemistry (but let it be known…not returning oral favors can be a deal breaker on this end) and are curious what else the other person has to offer. Going slowly and getting to know each other is a smart way to go…I feel weird that no sex has been mentioned (although we had some sexy talk about outfits and lingerie….he thinks me in lace panties, thigh high boots and nothing else would be fantastic) but the Panel thinks that if all we talked about was sex, that would be the red flag. Normal, healthy people talk about normal, healthy things. Sex excluded. Again…I like it, I like him and I have no questions or not nagging doubts. My gut is calm and settled when I talk with CB, when I think of CB… there are no red flags, no backtracking of stories or lies (that I can spot)…just a good feeling.

So for the first time since embarking on the process, my life is the life I remember before all the chaos and hurt and heartbreak. I have a job that I enjoy, I have friends looking out for me in ways that cannot be measured (Lord knows, I have the most unorthodox friendships), the outright negative folks are gone from my life and I am enjoying getting to know someone from scratch. Someone who sends me emails at midnight, who thinks I look mighty great, thinks I am a good person and hard worker, who thinks I am funny, sweet, and kind. Oh, and who thinks that I would look good in lace panties and thigh high boots. Yeah, for this moment…life is as good as it gets and that is saying a lot.

As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual….enjoy your day!

Random Stuff

Hello, Readers!! Sitting at home being lazy and procrastinating (about 50 pounds of laundry are begging to be folded and put away, but I am still recuperating from the washing and drying phase) and thought I would fill the void by writing and sharing some updates with you. First on the list…I have been blogging for 3 years now. Three years and almost 400 blog posts….amazed that I have lasted this long (maybe I should say that I have stuck with it this long) and at the progress that has been made. Still a work in progress, but I think more people will agree than not I am not the same woman who started this blog and it is for the better. Going to jump right into the updates and best thing about all of them…no (over) thinking necessary! May be a first.

Country Boy : The man is….different. In a good way. After posting my last blog post where I was lamenting not hearing from him after asking about an outing…he replied not 10 minutes later. In the positive and we have been emailing ever since, even if it is just to say good morning and have a wonderful day. We are making plans for dinner by next weekend, and he says he is enjoying our conversations and getting to know me. He appreciates my honesty and my humor. I like the fact that he does go slowly…yeah, we did part of the dirty deed and we met under unorthodox circumstances, but he says it isn’t where you meet, it is who you meet and that his mental attraction to me surpasses his physical attraction…which to me sounds like a win-win. I don’t love him, I don’t like him (well, I do but not in the over the top way I liked Work Boyfriend or AFO) and I am not obsessing over him. I am not planning futures or dropping hints to him in our conversations…rather, he is growing on me which tells me I may be growing up. I like this and I like it enough to let it unfold naturally..we can all be surprised (or not) at the outcome.

AFO: I have come to the conclusion that the man is not so much determined as he is desperate with a touch of balls being bigger than church bells thrown in. He is devoid of emotions, anti-social and perhaps somewhat mentally deficient, but I am going with dogmatic. Being deployed to Afghanistan and living in a tent with 4 other men is certainly not what he has become accustomed to and I realize I am his way of having a creature comfort. It is not about connection, it is not about regret or anything along the lines of what he is spewing…the man actually said he appreciates me and what I offered him; that is why he checks in periodically. I did not bother to point out his periodically is when he is alone in an unfamiliar place, that it is an indirect contact and he cannot remember a 5 letter name when he does so. Yet, despite all of this, I am emailing with him sporadically. Not for answers (the one he offered was so convoluted and nonsensical), not for revenge and not to retry for a third time. I do it simply because I have sympathy for his situation although it is all of his own making and I probably need to make some good karma points deposits. I have no hopes and expectations (it is a lost cause, period). He has said he has put in for a permanent change of station (PCS) for DC and surrounding area, but that does not faze me either way as I am too busy wondering why when he is around, Mother Nature flees…he has either brought back menopause or it is the return of White Baby.

Philadelphia: Last weekend I went to Philadelphia for the NA world convention…I had such expectations for the convention (which sorely disappointed, in my opinion) but ended up falling in love with the city. I felt a kinship with Philly when I went to visit the Oscars, but this time around I got to see the city (I did the Big Bus tour and talked to the homeless in LOVE Park) and this is where I am relocating to. I enjoy the personality and energy of the city, the big blue bridges and while I think the cheesesteak is overrated and am not an Eagles fan, I can see myself there: exploring the city on weekends and grabbing meals and yummy goodies at Reading Terminal. I am looking at jobs in the Philadelphia/South Jersey area and pricing apartment/townhome rentals and already planning a long weekend trip up there. Of course, the town could turn out to be as ridiculous as DC, but right now I’m thinking Philly could be home.

Spiritual Crisis: It is really not a crisis, but when NA convention time rolls around, I am always in need of tools to help me with the journey and process. This time around I thought I did not get the tools I needed to work through certain things, but in hindsight, maybe I did get what I needed. One thing that was a recurring theme was being taken out of comfort zones and having enough faith in a Higher Power to accept this without question. And I realized that while I have a belief in a Higher Power (I am spiritual, not religious… my Higher Power is God and I believe the only way to Him is though His Son), I do not have much faith or trust in One. If you know any part of my story (which you should by now), you will certainly agree with me that me not having faith or trust in a Higher Power is probably the most ridiculous statement I have EVER made. And then it hit me….it isn’t the Higher Power I do not have faith/trust in…it’s me. I have fed myself so much negativity, listened to the jealous haters and allowed the opinions and actions of folks I either do not know or who were undeserving of me influence me to the point I am now stripped of being able to recognize my strengths, abilities and my fabulosity. I only see my flaws and imperfections and magnify them 1000 times. I need to go to church and renew my spirit with an unconditional love that only comes from One who has kept me covered, protected and gives me an abundance of blessings all day, every day. So while the convention was not what I hoped, I did find the tool I needed…I was simply too blind to see it at the moment.

Ghetto Girl: I have managed to keep this heifer under wraps and somewhat under control for quite a while now, but she made a surprise visit at work, and thank goodness I have the manager I do. Trust this…the average person would have told me to pack my stuff and get to stepping; don’t call us, we’ll call you. You readers know I love my job: still on time, love my co-workers and even when things got hectic and crazy beyond belief, I bitched and vented but I stuck with it. We have lost two contractor techs (which means two extra pairs of hands), so in addition to what is already on people’s plates, we have the work of two additional folks that has to go somewhere. I try really hard to repair what I can, I am mindful that the remaining techs get work from me, shipments from remote users and from the service desk queue (my window trumps their queue)so I distribute work as evenly and fairly as possible and I also try to give everyone their turn in the spotlight when it comes to showcasing their skills and talents with managers, directors and leadership.

Yet, for the past 2-3 weeks, when I ask a question, no one answers me. When the customer asks a question, no one hears them. BUT, when I am doing my job and answering the questions I DO know the answers to (I say the same things 100 times a day, 5 days a week), I have techs jumping in the window, telling me (in front of the customer) that I am wrong, wrong, wrong. There have been “policy changes” (which no one bothered to tell me, and I am the “first line of defense”). I feel undermined, stupid and basically useless. Seriously, if you do not want the window or my job…STOP doing it! They jump in after the fact, during the fact and frankly, I know things change on a dime and I can hang if I am kept in the loop…but the time to inform me of the policy changes is not in front of the customer and the way to tell me is not in condescending manner as if I am the retarded kid in the class.

Well, Friday I was told how wrong, wrong, wrong I was at least 5 consecutive times and that is when Ghetto Girl came out, loud and strong. She told the techs they were knowitall bitches who could go fuck themselves in the ass. She told them they were all bullshit and full of shit and if they wanted the goddamned window so badly, they could have it. She had other ways of making money AND Reliable One, had left better jobs and they could all have a turn in the spotlight that is the walk up window on a weekly basis. No wonder they were all whiny bitches who could not get their work done…they were too busy trying to do mine. She yelled that they were all permanent employees who would have a job whether the window closed or not…she needed the window and instead of helping someone keep a job, all they were doing was hurting her chances, and she needed absolutely NO help with losing a job. She told them to kiss her fat, black ass and she was going to lunch and may not be back…she was sick. Cough cough, puke puke.

My manager showed up in the middle of the tirade and when she asked what was wrong all I/Ghetto Girl could do was cry and scream “fucking shit”. She immediately took me to the bathroom where I could somewhat explain the situation, and she told me it was okay. She has seen what was going on and she understood my frustration but to just come to her with questions and to establish boundaries…after all, the window is my space, not theirs. There are no policy changes and she makes sure that when things do change, we ALL get the memo. And no one was sick or going home…lunch and work was on the agenda. So I am beyond grateful to my manager, but I still have the anger. It was there Friday when I returned from lunch (it was so quiet, you could hear an ant piss on cotton) and had a couple of one on ones with the techs…but Ghetto Girl is still lingering. She is telling me that she isn’t going to go off any longer on them….when they pull their stunts, she/I are going to be sick, have a family emergency, something to get us out of the office and back home so the ones who know my job so well can do it. They will never know I am lying. She is trying to talk me into taking Monday off and maybe Tuesday also…they want my job, let them have it ….we are looking at Philly anyway. I am trying to shut her up as I type.

So there it is…in a way, it is a different kind of update, showing the progressions, regressions and where things have not changed much at all in my life and the process. Now to get a nap, followed by a shower and get ready for some football (three words: N.F.L.) before cooking dinner. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual….enjoy your day!