My blog is a lowly blog…three years I have been here and I have less than 20K hits/views. Not complaining about that, but wanting you to get the full effect of what a small fish I am in the huge, huge sea of blogging. This blog was born of incredible heartbreak and it has evolved into a tool to help me shed myself of deeply rooted issues and darkness. It is my therapy, it is my way of not only helping myself but that one person out there who knows exactly what I am talking about because they feel/think the same way. It is my way of letting my Panel know of my progress, setbacks and shenanigans when words fail me. It is here on this blog I can tell complete strangers that the contract on the assignment has been extended and it comes with a raise (true statement!) …I cannot walk up to total strangers on the street and tell them that, but here…it’s fine and normal.
What I am saying is that this blog is MINE….it is here I can be myself unfiltered and I love it. But something has happened to invade my sense of peace and protection…I have (I would say had, but he isn’t dead and reads this blog) a stalker. And I do not want to give him that title…I do not want him to have the power that that words exudes….someone stealthily and aggressively pursuing me in an illegal and threatening way. Perhaps I will go with poacher…someone who trespasses on private property illegally…that seems to fit what happened more accurately. It has taken me a minute to write this post because I had to process it first of all, then I was a little scared and finally, I wanted to tell the story by exposing his name, email address and phone numbers that had shown up on my caller ID. I decided against exposing this person….not out of fear, though. So Mr. Poacher Person, do not get all happy dance wherever you are…I am not exposing you because that is not my style. If any women or fellow bloggers would like the information, they know how to contact me and I have no problem helping someone protect themselves.
It began oddly enough with a phone call. At work. From a number that (ultimately) traced back to a 100% tribally owned recruiting agency out of Oregon. When I answer the phone, a man with a thick accent and a poor connection asked for me. Most of what he said was muttered, mumbled and cutoff but I heard Facebook, company website and India….I was not sure what the hell he was talking about, but I was at work, busy and had no time to figure it out. But the phone calls kept coming…like every 3 minutes and I knew it was not a client, customer or co-worker. Smart One was the one who googled the phone number and we put it down to an aggressive recruiter seeking talent…who else would search the company website for someone and call them on the job from the number of a recruiting agency?
When I got home that evening, I logged onto Facebook and saw I had a friend request. The name was both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time….I honestly thought it was a fellow blogger who had started following me a couple of months ago and I returned the favor. I was kind of glad when I thought it was her as she has not blogged in a few and I enjoy getting to know the person behind the blog, but it was not her….it was the “recruiter’ from earlier. Turns out he is not a recruiter at all….it was some guy with a fetish (and what did I JUST write about fetishes??) for mature women with large breasts who reads my blog and somehow googled me online and found out where I worked. And thought calling me at work was the most natural thing in the world!
He says if I knew how much he “crushed” on my writing and topics, if I knew how long he has dreamed of contacting me personally and how long he has dreamed of this day…I would understand. I told him, NO, I DO NOT understand. Then he comes back with I am a famous writer and should expect this. I told him he was NEVER again to call my work number and I immediately blocked him on Facebook. Then the calls started on my HOME PHONE…after a day and a half of constant phone calls, I had to tell him to call my motherfucking number one.more.time. Call it! And for now he has disappeared. I feel completely violated, and while I have dealt with crazy in my lifetime (you guys know about some of it), this is a brand new crazy on a whole new level. I have been googled but never had anyone act on it, never had anyone call my fucking job or home..except for Married Man’s crazy ass wife. At least I somehow, somewhat knew that bitch.
I thought of changing the name of my blog, maybe not talk about me and my life or maybe just stop blogging altogether in an effort to protect myself and hide away from this person, but you know what? I am NOT. This is MY blog, MY life and I am just now crawling out from under the emotional and issue laden prison I Have been locked in for decades. I am just now learning who I am, what motivates me, why I am the way I am…and I owe it to the process and this blog. YOU will not take this away from me, so sorry to tell you this, Mr. Poacher.…you will have to be the one to go, not me. You have taken liberties that not even my family and Panel would dream of doing. No, I do not understand…and still trying to figure out why you simply could not go through normal channels to contact me. Why you feel that the links to my FB and Twitter accounts are there for you to try and insinuate yourself into my life…and why you feel the need to use a telephone number disguising software is beyond me and kind of pisses me off. You have no problem not only looking me up but using information you find but want to hide yourself? But if necessary, the police can find you.
A part of me feels maybe it is my fault in a way…after all, I am on the web with Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. I do have links to social sites with my real name listed. My phone number is listed …maybe I should do more to make myself more private…but then again, I have been around for quite awhile and no one has felt the need to call me at either work or home without my permission. Even the crazy CL men who have found me via my blog knew enough to email me using the blog email address. NO ONE has felt the need to look up where the hell I work and call me there. NO ONE has felt the need to call me at home. No one I know has ever the felt to reach out and personally contact a “famous” person…because they know about respect and boundaries. Sane people realize that because something is a matter of public record, does NOT make it fair game for public use. So no, this is not my fault and I am not going to beat myself up nor am I going to change who the hell I am or hide away…this is my life and I should be able to live it as I see fit, not dictated by some….poacher person.
I have no idea what else to say….UTA and Artsy Craftsy were a bit nervous at first, Morning Person could not believe it and Cuz says I am batting 1000 on the crazy meter and for real, you just cannot make this shit up. I am better…it really did not disrupt my life, just shook it up a little and frankly, not trying to give this guy anymore attention. I felt I had to write this out as a reminder to myself to be a little bit more careful and to help warn other women and fellow bloggers that crazy is out there and could possibly be reading you or about you right now.