The Personal Ad


Life has been busy and frustrating…work is hecticcrazybusy and while I am still in love with the job and the team and am so incredibly grateful for the opportunities…a part of me is like I so did not sign on for this. The team and I are burned out, frazzled and by the time the weekend rolls around, we are all too exhausted to even attempt to have a social life. The husbands are hiding out in mancaves, the wives and mothers are stocking up on frozen foods and quick snacks for their families and the single ones (like me) are sleeping in and watching laundry pile up. Job security comes at a price.

Things are good with my Panel but Oscar and I are in a cold war zone. I am probably being preachy and more than likely in know it all mode while she is being stubborn and at one point was sticking fingers in her ears (a la I don’t HEAR you) but the bottom line is we both want her to be happy. I think she knows that. My personal life is shelved. Totally. I met up with a guy who answered my CL ad and we went for pizza and drinks (I have found a new love…Sprite with cherries) so I could use my groupons. The food left a lot to be desired, dude seemed interested but he was just not what I am looking for. 27 (so he is waaay younger than what I seek), broke and splitting living arrangements between his brother’s couch and mom’s basement. Met a new guy at work who seemed perfect: cute enough, Artsy Craftsy likes him (she likes everybody),SINGLE, home owner, and gainfully employed. He maintained eye contact during our conversation, laughed at my jokes, showed me pictures of his condo and his pet, we exchanged numbers and he even invited me out for dinner and drinks. Except he’s gay…he has playdates and sleepovers for his for his dog and on Facebook, he likes pages such as Hot Guys. At best, he knows some single straight guys and at worst, I have a new social partner.

But today’s post is about the CL ad I posted….I thought it was well written ( I damn sure spent enough time on it), thoughtful and expressed my wishes clearly. Obviously not as the only viable response came from the homeless 27 year old. Other responses included the guy who said (and I quote): “I feel you. I enjoy a good convo before fucking also”; the guy who just said “Hell no, my sista. Peace and blessings”; and the numerous one liners who disappeared one I actually replied back. Oh, and it got flagged and removed after 24 hours. I don’t get it, I don’t get it, I don’t get it….but I am shelving all attempts at meeting someone and CL is off the table completely. I am tired of banging my head against the wall ….we are exceeding the pain threshold here. So below is my personals ad ( I titled it Just Because) …maybe one of my readers will see what was wrong with it besides being honest and real. Enjoy the ad, and I will be back soon with new posts and love letters. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading, and as usual…enjoy your day!

You know, I get really discouraged when I post on this board because the men here are utterly ridiculous. Seriously, if I need to be a certain race, height, weight, education level to freaking chat with you (not meet…chat) . . .that tells me a lot about who you are, not who I am not. If you feel it is okay to send me letters and numbers (UR RU, U2, CU, K, QQ, etc.) instead of typing out “you are” because you feel it doesn’t matter since we aren’t talking. . .that tells me a lot about you. The lack of effort that goes into making a good first impression mentally is depressing.

But I have a little (very little) hope that there is a man who is age appropriate, sane, and single who is also respectful, intelligent (educated is not the same thing and I know someone out there knows what I mean), humorous and single who is looking to start slowly. Yes, sex is great but it is not on my agenda first time we meet. I want friendship, trust and something substantial with someone of substance. I believe that if the mental connection is good, and the personalities mesh well everything else will fall into place.

Just because I do not ask for your picture immediately or post one of my own does not mean I am ugly and/or desperate and will take anything that comes my way. I have a life, I have a job in a high profile department with a high profile company. I am discreet and not everyone needs to know who I am or what I do in my off-time. This is CL and who knows what people online do with your pictures (I was actually stalked via photos) or any other info you give out to the persons who ends up being the flake, the fake and the no-show? And if I ask you not to send photos and you do anyway? That tells me you didn’t/can’t read, cannot respect my wishes in your zeal to make your agenda my agenda or you are all about the physical, and I want someone who offers and expects more than that.

Just because I say I am black does not mean I am ghetto, loud, tattooed, live in the hood or resemble an ape. I am very well spoken, well-read and carry myself as a lady at all times. I live in a safe, quiet, diverse neighborhood and I enjoy the usual suspects of hobbies/interests: reading murder mysteries and true crime; movies both mainstream and indie (except sci-fi and horror); music (all genres except gangsta rap, and heavy metal. . .especially partial to ambient/chillout); blogging; museums; history and want to get into yoga and considering a 3k maybe this fall (so not a runner but want to build up walking time/speed). I do smoke cigarettes but no alcohol or drugs (and yes, 420 is a drug). I am 11 years in recovery and working everyday on achieving another day clean and sober. I have no problems with bars or pubs or if you are a social drinker.

Just because I say I am BBW does not mean I am 800 pounds with fat spilling everywhere, too tight clothing and breasts that sag to my knees. It means I am 6’4″ with curves and a little extra in my tummy area. I am not defined by my dress size or body fat percentages and if you define women by such things, we won’t be communicating. I occupy one seat at a time (people can actually sit next to me comfortably on the metro), I do not need an oxygen tank or the entire sidewalk to walk down the street and I can maneuver crowds with ease without knocking into folks. My weight has never been a stumbling block in my professional life, in living a full life or even in my personal life, but after taking time off to heal after a devastating breakup, it seems the game has changed. It is either sex or dating and I am looking for someone to hang out with: dinners, movies, bowling, museums and see what develops. You know, that elusive gray area of getting to know someone without the pressure that dating brings.

So this is me. I live in DC, work in Arlington and tend to do most activities in the city. I do not have children, so outside of work my time is my own. If anything I said piques your interest or resonates with what you seek also, I do not have a list of demands or must-haves. All I ask is you be on the taller side (or okay with me being 6’4″ and you being whatever height you are), age appropriate (38-55), single (no wives or girlfriends) and willing to talk first and maybe meet for dinner or a movie by the weekend. I will of course pay for my share of whatever it is we do to alleviate feelings of obligations and expectations. You can be size 32 or size 52 , just carry it well and do not let your weight/fitness level (or lack thereof) define you. Please do not send your pictures. . .I want to get to know who you are. I want a feel for your attitude and personality. I want a meeting of the minds.

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