With this post, I am officially leaving the 8th grade junior high school homeroom behind. I saw the WB and I as Samantha and Jake from the classic Sixteen Candles but pretty much we were Diary of a Wimpy Kid…middle school at its most embarrassing. The “are we exclusive” question (out of nowhere) from Work Boyfriend was….WOW. Just. WOW. The last time I heard that question, the guy and I actually knew each other (and more than name and job title) , it was our 4th time being together and he had seen both my nakedness and my unpedicured feet. More importantly, we both knew what we were being exclusive about. The fact that WB is asking this question when all we have done is basically hold hands kind of made growing up and rejoining the real world a necessity.
I do like WB, I did want to see where it could go and I was willing to push the issues aside to find out…I even played along with the “what age do you want me to be” game. I aged him at 34, and he said he would keep me at the age I am…32. I so did not correct that .But the combination of mixed signals, crossed wires, both parties not stepping up to the plate to lay cards on the table and the extremes of honesty (I was too honest, he was not honest enough)…I stopped talking….for now. I had to…we are dealing with two types of crazy here (mine and his), a brand new kind of taking things too quickly and more talking would keep the headaches coming. Flirting…best done face to face with NO detours into uncharted waters.
So here is the list of pros and cons of dating me…I was going to do this post long before the WB came along . At the time I was not sure what this list would accomplish, but now I think it will be something I can refer back to when I need help affirming myself and also when I need to be reminded that improvements can be made. I no longer feel silly writing it or that I am putting myself on a dating site (reasons to date me …or not). We all have fantastic, we all have flaws. Recognizing which is which and how to balance it all out is something I need to do for me, not anyone else.
Attractive Face: I am not drop dead gorgeous but I do get a fair share of second glances and I suppose I am pleasant enough to look at. In my adult life, I have only been called ugly twice, both times by unnamed, faceless Craigslist dudes. One thing about the stupid ass men I have been with…I was always told how pretty I was and a few have even said I was beautiful. (Reliable One’s ‘almost beautiful” comment does not count), but when I look at who they dated before me and who they dated/married after me…I have to wonder about their taste. So while I may not stop traffic, I damn sure don’t stop clocks.
Accommodating: This one may fall into both lists…it is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, I see no need to play coy when we both know what we want and like, but on the other hand, what fun is anything if it isn’t challenging? Believe me, when I like and/or love a man, I will treat him like a King, do my best to keep a smile on his face and try to anticipate his every need. It is probably a nice surprise every once in awhile but on a constant basis it is more than likely overkill and tends to go unappreciated. If I could strike that balance of moderation, it could fall into the plus column completely, no problem.
Personality: Hands down, my strongest and most positive trait. It is one of two good things to sprout from my people pleaser tendencies. I have never met a stranger and can have folks I have known 5 minutes spilling their secrets to me. I am the one bestowing compliments, am naturally funny (I can find humor in almost anything when I am in the mood to do so), I am both empathetic and sympathetic and no one on God’s green earth can stroke an ego like I do. I am social, personable and come across as confident and unflappable…until you get to know me.
Domestic: I cook. I clean. I do laundry on a somewhat regular basis. I do all of them very well and can even do them wearing heels and pearls. What man wouldn’t want a woman who keeps a clean house and creates damn good, amazing food (not my words) in the kitchen? Add to that the fact that I am more of a homebody than a run the streets, hit the bar/club every weekend type of gal and I am a low-maintenance, home cooking catch. With clean panties and minimal dust bunnies.
Generous: It is just in my nature to be giving, caring and nurturing. I have given rings from my fingers simply because someone admired them, I give money and food to the homeless and if I have one dollar left, you can get 50 cents of it. With men I like/love, I will do my best to give them the moon. I cook their favorite meals, I buy them gifts, I send jokes when they are depressed, porn when they are horny and Married Man even got money. I remember birthdays, take care of them when they are sick and have been known to send lunches to work and have even treated to dinner. Yeah, for one lucky guy there can be lots of perks and benefits.
Great Lover: Sex is a language all its own, and in the context of a relationship, it says even more. It can say I love you, I want you, I’m sorry, I’m lonely, I’m misunderstood. Sex is also one of the few things I KNOW (without a doubt) that I am good at doing. I am passionate, both sensuous and sexual, a giver and a natural pleaser (the second of two good things to arise from my people pleasing tendencies). I enjoy sex, and do not mind a bit of kink tossed in there. I am oral and tactile and believe in the lost art of foreplay. I can keep up and in some cases, keep going while they are trying to catch up. As Him once put it, I am too good at this.
Honest/Forthright: Most people would put this one in the pro/plus column but not the way I do it. There are times I forget to put the filters in place and remember I have common sense and that some questions are simply not meant to be answered. Anyone remember me trying to evade the question from Him about how many men I had been with (after knowing my history) and saying I had been with more women than he had ? Cuz still insists that was the beginning of the end for us. But that is how I am , if you ask me a question I give you the truth and sometimes too much of it and not everyone can handle my story and/or my experiences. I think they can because I can but I have had a lifetime to process it and basically all they get is 10 seconds before I am on to the next topic. I am still learning the process that not everything is for everybody.
Loyal: Again, another trait that should not be a negative, but dogs could learn from me. I am the chick who believes that if we are together in a committed relationship…I got your back. Despite the red flags, the disrespect, the mixed signals, even abuse …I stand by my man. For far too long, when they do not deserve it and when it puts my self-everythings in jeopardy. Believe me when I tell you, love can be blind, stupid, deaf and dumb when it isn’t being a wonderful thing.
Selfish: I enjoy having my own space; I like being able to come and go as I please. I like knowing that everything is where it is supposed to be. If I don’t want to clean, if I want to lay in bed all day topless with no shower…I can do that. If I want to eat all of the pizza without sharing, I like being able to do that. If I don’t want to talk, I don’t. Being in a relationship makes me feel obligated to be perfect..all the time. If we spend the night together, I feel obligated to get up, get showered and get pretty to cook breakfast. Even though I’m not hungry, he may be. If he cooks dinner, I am doing dishes even though all I want to do is lay down somewhere and let bodily functions do what they will. If I cook dinner, I am also doing all the cleanup when all I want to do is let that crap sit overnight. So because I am not indulging in my selfishness, I get resentful and does anyone else remember I am a petty, grudge-holding bitch?
Smoker: Smoking is a deal breaker for a lot of folks, but it is a part of who I am and what I do. I know it makes me a litterbug, it is a slow motion suicide and all the health risks associated with it, but I enjoy it and until I get tired of doing it…it is part of the package. Seriously, unless the white light we see at the end of life is us being pushed through another vagina to start over…we only get one chance to enjoy ourselves and if you want me to be okay with your beer breath, be okay with my tobacco.
Control Issues: They are numerous, they are my worst enemy and sometimes my control issues get out of control. Imagine Adrian Monk mixed with Monica Gellar and escalate it by like 1000 and you have me.
Overweight: This one I am on the fence about because I am comfortable with me as long as the tits stick out past the tummy but when men (visual creatures that they are) are attracted to me..I have to question it. I realize that there are men who are naturally attracted to fuller figured women but they alwaysalwaysalways turn out to be batshit crazy. Or maybe it is just me that attracts the crazy. Who knows? I also realize I am a fetish for some men (I probably fit at least four boxes on their bucket lists and if we get together, I can help them check off four more), but for the most part men in today’s society expect Barbie wearing a size zero… anyone wearing over a size 4 is fat and size 10 is obese. They see overweight women as health risks, lazy with no self-respect or self-control…yet they love the assets that come with extra weight. Hypocrites. Just know that I will never be a single digit dress size and until I figure out a way to keep the assets while losing the tummy..there will extra padding on this body.
So there you have it…a little longer than anticipated but six of each. What about you, readers? Do we share any pros and cons? Anything on my list you would add or detract? Comment or inbox me as I need all the help I can get. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual….enjoy your day!