You know, my last week of 2012 was filled with idiots, game-players and tons of stupidity and obtuseness. In keeping with what I learned and discovered in 2012, I am owning up to my choices as the majority of this was a direct result of my placing mutually beneficial ads online. The remainder is a direct result of my being tactful, a people pleaser and being too passive and not enough aggressive. When I review that last statement, I cannot help but feel they are all one and the same.
But, because I put myself in a certain position/situation does not mean I have to deal with what comes with it. Not saying I am trying to dodge the consequences but in every environment, there is a culture…and I may have to adapt somewhat but that does not mean I have to deal with the extremes of the culture. Besides, I am not even dealing with consequences…I am dealing with stupid, disrespectful people who are apparently illiterate and/or in need of lobotomies. I have preferences, boundaries and perimeters today…they are clearly stated. Is it too much to ask they be respected?. Which makes the goals for this New Year quite obvious.
In 2013, I am changing the game and the players. I am standing up against stupidity, I am standing against disrespect and I am putting an end to mistreatment. From myself and from others. If 2012 was a year of evictions for the people who no longer serve a purpose or offer nothing but questions, hurt and heartbreak….consider 2013 the Year of Screening Potential Tenants. In 2013, there will be no justifications for what is nothing more than disrespect, there will be no understanding the misunderstood, I will not be the one to fill the voids you and/or your fucked up childhood created for yourself. We are ALL fucked up and the majority of us seem to get along just fine without having our loneliness, craziness and desperation on display. This is the Year of Being Blunt as being tactful nets nothing but headaches and face palms. Trust me, in 2013 if you still have no idea or understanding of what I am telling you/saying to you…you have a mental deficiency. This will be the Year of One Chance because that is all I have to give this year.
They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results and I am tired of being insane. I am tired of offering intelligence, respect, humor and worthwhile experiences (take that any way you want) to folks who have zero idea what the hell they are doing and cannot appreciate what is offered and/or right before them…and not just on a personal level. Professionally, in 2012 I began making the changes that my Panel and society say will make me a better and more indispensable employee…and yet, here I am….STILL unemployed with nary a nibble when it comes to my resume. See, I have always said that when it comes to me (in any capacity) doing the right thing only pisses me off as I end up with the same results I get when I do the wrong thing, so why bother? I am okay with me regardless of how I do the damned thing, and if I am to get the same result regardless…why put forth the extra efforts?
I realize that this is an angry sounding post (and really, I’m not angry) and that my selfishness and self-centeredness are coming though loud and clear, but being sweet, kind, understanding…has yielded me nothing. Nothing. In keeping with all the New Year, New You campaigns, consider this my mental/emotional version of New Me because I do not plan on being the same person in 2013…I am not putting forth anything until it is put forth to me first. I am no longer busting my ass for anyone or anything other than myself. My efforts are better put to use finding a new path to get what I seek, whether it is professionally or personally. Some of those new paths include taking online courses in areas that are outside my skills set and utilizing talents I already have (and do not involve being online) to keep income flowing and networking to find a new circle of people to socialize and interact with on a personal level.
You see, I have spent pretty much 2 ½ years getting over, getting through and getting by. I have spent time people pleasing, belittling myself to make both others and temp agencies look good and now…it is time for ME. Time for ME to be and stay happy, it is time for ME to be appreciated and acknowledged, for people to make ME a priority and for my needs and voids to be filled. It is time for someone to see the efforts I exert to make them look good, feel good and be better. When it comes to jobs, if it isn’t going to lead anywhere, I am there for the paycheck which I will receive whether I am there on time or using 15 minute grace periods. When it comes to the online ads, if you cannot follow simple instructions within the first three emails, forget it. And last minute cancellations put you on my blocked list because no, I don’t understand anymore. When it comes to personal relationships…if I am doing more for you than you are doing for me…you gotta go. And really, that is what will be saddest of all because all I want you to do is pick up the phone/respond to an email and actually keep your word when you put it out there. But in this New Year, I no longer have the time to waste my time.
I probably sound like I am embracing the bitchamist in me and I am….people have no problem fucking me over when it suits them and using the living hell out of me when they need to. That is stopping this year. If I do not stand up for myself, who will? And 2013 is the year I make that happen…where I am my own best friend, I am the one I count on and I am the one who can make things happen for me…not the dates, not the temp agencies and not my friends. I am all I have and if I am wasting my time with losers disguised as normal people I could not take the time to assess what they will bring into my life, I am the only one to blame. In summary, 2013 will be the Year of Change. I have come to the conclusion it isn’t them, it IS me…and that works for me. I can fix me, I can change me and implement change in my life. Change will make a difference in my choices and the people I associate with. I can’t fix or change Them. I do not think it is cold or heartless or not me…I think if I want the last half of my life to be more enriching, more fulfilling and just all around better than the first half…changes must be made. And change begins with me and with this New Year.
Wishing everyone reading a wonderful, safe and Happy New Year and the best of luck and much success with your 2013 resolutions. Hopefully, you will still be stopping past and reading this blog to accompany me and the Panel on even more adventures, drama, gossip and better days and times to come.