This Christmas


It is two days before Christmas…the third Christmas I am sharing with you readers. Maybe I should retract that and say the second because that first Christmas (about three months into the Him fiasco) was a complete disaster. I was rambling, crying, alone, heartbroken…the only reason I didn’t kill myself is because I had some hope that all the worst case scenarios would not come true. I was laying my dirty body in a dirty bed in a dirty house…in the dark and not eating. I was both pitiful and pathetic.

Well, a lot has changed since that Christmas but some things do come full circle. This year, I am going to be alone again. But this year, it is different: I am more than okay with me today (I have issues that I will talk about after the holiday) and really, I am looking forward to the solitude and the freedom having no plans can bring. Of course, it did not start out that way…after all, it is the holiday season and you guys know I love the holidays. Despite it not even feeling like the Christmas Spirit is anywhere to be found and Christmas being a children’s holiday (in my opinion), I was all set to have a Christmas Dinner Party to make up for not being around at Thanksgiving to have my family, friends and neighbors over.

I had bought gifts for the babies of the Panel: KBugg got a Raggedy Ann doll, Baby Oscar got a superhero action figure set and The Neighbor’s son got a model car (a Camaro in bumblebee yellow with black stripes). I was going to get Sister Someone’s son a present, but that chick has already bought out Toys R Us for the child, so I just left him off the list. I was going to cook a wonderful dinner for everyone else: turkey, glazed ham, tuna and pasta salad, potato salad, stuffing with sausages and cranberries, sweet potato pone, homemade macaroni and cheese and collard greens. There would sweet potato pies, apple pies and a pumpkin cheesecake for dessert. I had my guest list: Sis-Sis, Morning Person and her son and daughter-in-law; Guardian Princess; The Neighbor and her son; Cuz; Mini-Me,  two neighbors and three cousins. And then a week ago, the first stage of the falling apart happened.

The Neighbor wanted to go home to see her parents and family for Christmas and decided to leave before Christmas to avoid inclement weather and to be with her loved ones to open presents on the big day; Morning Person totally forgot our plans and made others with her family….I told her I was unloved and unwanted by a Panel member. She retorted that I was the only one who forgot I don’t cook at Christmas…I cook at Thanksgiving. Cuz is being anti-social at this point in time, Guardian Princess is sick and wants to be alone. Completely alone. I have not seen (and still have not seen) the neighbors I extended invites to  (and same for my cousins…not one word although they may be waiting for me to confirm things) and Sis-Sis is going back to my parents to see if lightning can strike twice and manage to have two great holiday gatherings in a row. So that left me and Mini-Me…and no way was I doing all that cooking for two people…granted, big people to be sure, but still…two people. I would have gone with Sis-Sis to spend Christmas with my parents but I am poor…which means I needed to know this information at least a month ago so I can plan, scrimp and save.

So with this new development, I had to make a Plan B…which involved Mini-Me and I going out on Christmas Eve, catching a movie (courtesy of groupons) and having a Chinese dinner in Chinatown. I would sleep in Christmas Day, clear out the DVR and eat leftover General Tso’s chicken. Except… Mini-Me cancelled on me two days ago, citing having to work both Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. She was going to stay in her house and get some rest. And right after I get this news from Mini-Me, the Neighbor (I am going to call her HoneyBee) and her son came over to say they may be in town Christmas Day and what were we going to do? She also invited me to go home with her…room, board and food would be taken care of and we would be back home before January 7th.

Well, not sure about anyone else, but I have no idea what I am going to do other than two things: NOT cook Christmas dinner and sometime between now and Wednesday, do some laundry. I may go out Christmas Eve if only to pick up the yummy Chinese food; I may post another ad on CL seeing if anyone wants to actually go out for Chinese food on Christmas Day or I could have a date or two (DC is a lonely town during the holidays). One idea I am toying with is cooking a Christmas breakfast for myself, Honeybee and her son (if she is in town)…we could eat as a family (we do that a lot) and her son could open his gift from me over here and I could do a simple dinner of beef with gravy, mashed potatoes and fresh broccoli. It all depends on how I feel…the trip home with Honeybee is tempting, but I need more money, I have already told the temp agency I would be available  this coming week, and I also have some dates lined up through the holiday week…I think I need to stay close to home. Wow…so I guess for a girl with no plans, I have lots of options. And options are great things to have!

Wishing everyone reading this an incredibly, VERY Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday. I will be back soon with a progress (or lack of) report on my trust issues where men are concerned…I think it will be interesting and therapeutic. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as always….enjoy your day!

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