Year End Review

In less than 48 hours, 2012 will come to an end. Hard to believe that 364 days have come and gone so quickly.  Seems like just a few days ago, I declared 2012 to be the Year of Us and I have to say, I think I  (and my Panel) did a pretty good job of meeting the goals set in that post. Of course, a lot more happened than just that and I want to use this post to not only look back, but to serve as a reminder when I /we get caught up and forget how to breathe.

In 2012, Panel members and I got realistic. We are always real with ourselves and each other, but being realistic? Sometimes, not so much. Being realistic involved us to stop glorifying the past and the people who were a part of it. We stopped saying what the person we knew would not do and started seeing people for who they are versus who they were. And we found that we did not like who these people are, and eviction notices were issued. Oscar kicked Him, Jr. out of her head and heart, AFO had to hit the road and Him is long gone.

We owned up to the roles we played in the demise of relationships and how we are molding our present. Myself especially was carrying too much idealism, expectations and naiveté into everything and trusting the other person instead of my gut and my brain which were both telling me to go slowly and cautiously. I ended up with not one, but two pregnancy scares because I chose to see AFO the way I wanted him to be, not who he actually was. And I freely admitted that it was my fault for not at least using protection. I did not have to heed the emotional red flags that were falling everywhere,  but I could have been so very much more careful. Lesson learned here: got’s to be more careful all the way around.

In 2012, we began respecting ourselves more: we may not know what we want but we do know what we don’t want, so we started teaching others how to treat us…with respect, caring, kindness and as little stupidity as possible.

With some discipline and by overcoming fears and stepping out there on faith, we met goals we set for ourselves. Yes, you can plan and save and try to wait for the right time but really…is it ever a good time to do anything? Either the timing is right and the money is wrong or vice versa. In 2012,  Girlfriend bought her first place, Busy Bee paid off her car and I achieved one out of two: I wanted a job and a smartphone. The smartphone is what was within reach this year. UTA has traveled this year (sooo jealous), Mini-Me got serious about her weight loss program, Buddy started a new job AND got visitation rights when it comes to his sons (that has been a looong battle) and Chef started back with culinary school.

While we were learning and applying, life went on. Sometimes it brought setbacks (I am still the poster child for Unemployment) and sadness: UTA lost her grandmother, Morning Person lost her brother. Sometimes it brought the unexpected: Oscar is giving us a new Panel baby early in 2013 and UTA’s blog was nominated for Expat Blog of the Year. Sometimes, life just threw a WTF moment in there to keep us on our toes: Sister Someone married Brother Everything!  We communicated more with each other and Oscar and I even met up face to face TWICE this year (that is a pretty big deal as we are both poorer than church mice). And through it all, we remembered that life is so much better when we stay in the moment, realize what we can and cannot control and just breathe because no one gets more put on them than they can handle. That is why everyone’s situation is different. And while these things do not make life or its’ situations any better…it does make them easier to deal with.

Hopefully I/we will be able to carry this into 2013 as we embark on new adventures, meet new people and experience new things…with new goals in mind. So readers, what are your standout moments in 2012? Did you make changes that helped you go further, get farther or just made the unbearable bearable? Again, feel free to comment or inbox because inquiring minds would love to know!

As usual, thanks for stopping past and reading and as always…enjoy your day! Wishing everyone a safe and Happy New Year and we will see each other in 2013.

 

 

 

 

 

Trust Issues

I may not be in the best mental state to write today’s post…I took my medication Christmas Night and have been out of the loop a good 40 hours. I do not take my meds that often because of the fact that it puts me to sleep for days on end, but when I do awaken from the slumber I am refreshed, the rough edges are smoothed out and my muscles are not as tense. I felt the need to take my meds because it was time, readers…my powerlessness at not being able to have some control over what is happening with the Fiscal Cliff and lack of viable assignments has taken a toll on me. I do not sleep well if I sleep at all and my negativity was no longer honest or humorous. Of course, taking a pill does not change anything but it is like the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down.

I guess I will start with my Christmas (and how rude of me to not say I hope everyone reading had a wonderful Christmas!) ….all I can say is the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even though I had no plans, that was essentially a plan…if that makes any sense. I did post on CL looking for someone to grab dinner and movies with either Christmas Eve or Christmas afternoon, but it was flagged and removed within 20 minutes. Not even going to rant about it or question it…thanking my lucky stars instead. So, I spent Christmas Eve babysitting Honeybee’s son (they never made it out of town) while she played Santa. Christmas Day I spent with them and squeezed in a visit with Guardian Princess which netted me some beef stroganoff and chocolates. I admired her son’s presents from Santa (and he loved the present I bought him), cooked breakfast (which was more like brunch as we did not eat until after noon) and then we went to visit some of my extended family for dinner. All in all, I did have a great day: yummylicious food (someone heard my prayers for a lemon meringue pie), great company and lots of laughter. I wore my tobacco leaf colored riding boots with the very low heel and while they were comfortable, they just did not feel right…I was told that I am not used to wearing shoes, which given the fact that I have worked the equivalent of 2 ½ months this year, my Cousin may be correct in that assessment.

One thing that did not happen on Christmas Day or any day up to the now is that I did not/have not heard from Partner in Crime…I find that strange. This man and I have spoken every day since December 13th. EVERY. DAY. And now….nothing. The funny thing is: I am not sure what I am angry over, other than he has proven himself to be like all the rest. And then I wonder: what all the rest? See readers, I am totally confused right now and I need to un-confuse myself because I have no sexual or romantic feelings towards Partner In Crime…yeah, he gives a mean foot rub but during our time together I did not want to kiss him or wonder how he would feel on top of me, below me or inside of me. But, he showed interest in me, he communicated with me, he gave me something to look forward to at the end of the day…he raised expectations and gave me hope that maybe not all men were out for one thing as cheap as they can get it…and then he snatched it away. I was starting to trust that here was a man (in any capacity) who was somewhat a gentleman and would/could actually keep his word.

So why don’t we go back a little bit further to a conversation with Weekend Phone Friend in which it was asked of me should I meet the man who is stable, sane, and local; the man who would accept me and work with me when it came to my issues..would I get out of the arrangement game? I did not miss a beat with my answer: I will always be in the game because for better or worse, it is my Plan B on more levels than one. Even if dude put a ring on it, I would remove my hands from the game but would still have to keep my eye on the game. I simply do not trust men anymore…Him did a number on me  (6 years and I never saw it coming) and AFO simply added fuel to the fire.  Obviously, I cannot pick men and if I cannot trust the man I loved with everything I had or an officer in the US military, no way am I trusting these DC yahoos I meet via the ads or on the street. The walls are back up in full force with barbed wire and reinforced this time around. I cannot allow myself to be hurt anymore…not right now. I cannot listen to the lies that fall from their lips and I see through their games. At least with the arrangements, when a viable comes along, we both know what it is and we part ways a little happier than when we met. Definitely, I am jaded but I hesitate to say bitter because I was open to giving Partner in Crime a chance to see where it led. I don’t think a bitter person is open to anyone or anything. Let’s just say I am a romantic pessimist.

We never had the bowling/dinner date…I forget the excuse he had for that but he suggested fitting me in on Sunday morning between his visit to his sick brother-in-law and his Fantasy Football Championship game…basically, I had 9:15am-12:45pm. Yeah, I am quite sure all bowling/dinner dates fall into that time slot on a Sunday. I told him in no uncertain terms that I was not looking to be squeezed in like a last minute trip to the grocery store. He said he was trying to keep his word but after Christmas his schedule would free up but I have not heard another word save for a text early Christmas Eve saying he had a fire going. That’s it.

Maybe I am putting the cart before the horse but no one gets 2nd and 3rd chances anymore. I’m sorry…call me fucked up, bitter, bitchy, whatever…you just don’t. It is got or be gotten and I have been gotten enough.  I realize that seeking online is not netting me long term material (it is barely netting me what I use it for) and not seeking it (at least I like to think I’m not) but why do men have to always take things too far? Why put shit out there when they don’t mean it? And why am I STILL the chick who picks that shit up?? I don’t know…shit is still way too confusing and all I can say is lucky for me I was not falling for Partner in Crime…at least I am learning some lessons. Just not sure what they are. And I have learned that no matter how much I holler that if someone not strange/weird and somewhat sane came along, I could handle it.…I am not ready. At all. If I am not willing to be faithful to a person, I am not ready for them because faithfulness involves trust and I am fresh out of trust right now.

I already know I have only scratched the surface of the trust issue thing but it is on my to-do list of 2013. For right now, I am done talking about it…I think I have enough pieces on the table to try and put it together. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual…enjoy your day!

This Christmas

It is two days before Christmas…the third Christmas I am sharing with you readers. Maybe I should retract that and say the second because that first Christmas (about three months into the Him fiasco) was a complete disaster. I was rambling, crying, alone, heartbroken…the only reason I didn’t kill myself is because I had some hope that all the worst case scenarios would not come true. I was laying my dirty body in a dirty bed in a dirty house…in the dark and not eating. I was both pitiful and pathetic.

Well, a lot has changed since that Christmas but some things do come full circle. This year, I am going to be alone again. But this year, it is different: I am more than okay with me today (I have issues that I will talk about after the holiday) and really, I am looking forward to the solitude and the freedom having no plans can bring. Of course, it did not start out that way…after all, it is the holiday season and you guys know I love the holidays. Despite it not even feeling like the Christmas Spirit is anywhere to be found and Christmas being a children’s holiday (in my opinion), I was all set to have a Christmas Dinner Party to make up for not being around at Thanksgiving to have my family, friends and neighbors over.

I had bought gifts for the babies of the Panel: KBugg got a Raggedy Ann doll, Baby Oscar got a superhero action figure set and The Neighbor’s son got a model car (a Camaro in bumblebee yellow with black stripes). I was going to get Sister Someone’s son a present, but that chick has already bought out Toys R Us for the child, so I just left him off the list. I was going to cook a wonderful dinner for everyone else: turkey, glazed ham, tuna and pasta salad, potato salad, stuffing with sausages and cranberries, sweet potato pone, homemade macaroni and cheese and collard greens. There would sweet potato pies, apple pies and a pumpkin cheesecake for dessert. I had my guest list: Sis-Sis, Morning Person and her son and daughter-in-law; Guardian Princess; The Neighbor and her son; Cuz; Mini-Me,  two neighbors and three cousins. And then a week ago, the first stage of the falling apart happened.

The Neighbor wanted to go home to see her parents and family for Christmas and decided to leave before Christmas to avoid inclement weather and to be with her loved ones to open presents on the big day; Morning Person totally forgot our plans and made others with her family….I told her I was unloved and unwanted by a Panel member. She retorted that I was the only one who forgot I don’t cook at Christmas…I cook at Thanksgiving. Cuz is being anti-social at this point in time, Guardian Princess is sick and wants to be alone. Completely alone. I have not seen (and still have not seen) the neighbors I extended invites to  (and same for my cousins…not one word although they may be waiting for me to confirm things) and Sis-Sis is going back to my parents to see if lightning can strike twice and manage to have two great holiday gatherings in a row. So that left me and Mini-Me…and no way was I doing all that cooking for two people…granted, big people to be sure, but still…two people. I would have gone with Sis-Sis to spend Christmas with my parents but I am poor…which means I needed to know this information at least a month ago so I can plan, scrimp and save.

So with this new development, I had to make a Plan B…which involved Mini-Me and I going out on Christmas Eve, catching a movie (courtesy of groupons) and having a Chinese dinner in Chinatown. I would sleep in Christmas Day, clear out the DVR and eat leftover General Tso’s chicken. Except… Mini-Me cancelled on me two days ago, citing having to work both Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. She was going to stay in her house and get some rest. And right after I get this news from Mini-Me, the Neighbor (I am going to call her HoneyBee) and her son came over to say they may be in town Christmas Day and what were we going to do? She also invited me to go home with her…room, board and food would be taken care of and we would be back home before January 7th.

Well, not sure about anyone else, but I have no idea what I am going to do other than two things: NOT cook Christmas dinner and sometime between now and Wednesday, do some laundry. I may go out Christmas Eve if only to pick up the yummy Chinese food; I may post another ad on CL seeing if anyone wants to actually go out for Chinese food on Christmas Day or I could have a date or two (DC is a lonely town during the holidays). One idea I am toying with is cooking a Christmas breakfast for myself, Honeybee and her son (if she is in town)…we could eat as a family (we do that a lot) and her son could open his gift from me over here and I could do a simple dinner of beef with gravy, mashed potatoes and fresh broccoli. It all depends on how I feel…the trip home with Honeybee is tempting, but I need more money, I have already told the temp agency I would be available  this coming week, and I also have some dates lined up through the holiday week…I think I need to stay close to home. Wow…so I guess for a girl with no plans, I have lots of options. And options are great things to have!

Wishing everyone reading this an incredibly, VERY Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday. I will be back soon with a progress (or lack of) report on my trust issues where men are concerned…I think it will be interesting and therapeutic. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as always….enjoy your day!

Busy, Busy, Busy

In my last post, I told you guys all about my Day of Fun. Apparently, that one day sparked a chain reaction of social activities that have half of me wondering why I do not get out more often and the other half grateful I am a homebody by nature so these flurries of activity don’t happen too often.

I also told you all that I started a three day temp assignment (short term for real), and today is Day Three. I am very proud of myself and how I handled the assignment: I was on time (not early, but also not late) every day even though I had to wait for someone to show up to let me in. I was very professional in my dress and demeanor but I still managed to socialize and engage in chatter and conversations; I did little time-killing tasks that were actually noticed and appreciated. And I totally love the environment/culture of the office…I am receptionist for sister radio stations and get to listen cool music all day long (or I could listen to talk radio…my call) and it is so laid back and easy going there, I wish I could call it long term or permanent. This is how much I like it here: I am hoping I get called back next week to work here although it seems doubtful and I already know it will not become permanent. The regular receptionist is a well-loved legend.

Socially, I have been a busy, DC neighborhood hopping bee. Met Reliable One for dinner at the beginning of the week…we had Jamaican fare in Van Ness, which probably tasted yummier than it actually was because we were both so damned hungry. He had calamari and a grilled salmon Caesar salad (not very Jamaican) while I ordered the hangar steak with a coffee flavored sauce, mashed sweet potatoes and sautéed spinach. We shared an appetizer of callaloo rolls and I am still trying to figure out what that is exactly.

I met Girlfriend for an impromptu date night…totally last minute and she met me without hesitation…I love her. I had a groupon to an eatery that was supposed to be a classic diner with really good food…in fact this was the second groupon I bought to the place. I gave the first one to Girlfriend because I said I would never make it to that neck of the woods, yet I bought another one because for $9, I was getting $20 worth of food…and I just could not pass that by. And this assignment put me smack dab in that neck of the woods….the job is in Friendship Heights and the diner (along with Girlfriend) are in the Chevy Chase neighborhood. We both ordered breakfast (Girlfriend insists that burgers and breakfast are the only things to order at any diner) and split the most delicious milkshake I had ever tasted. We talked, laughed, caught up and watched the rain fall as we ate eggs, waffles and breakfast meats. I felt so much better after our time together…she manages to reassure and make me feel not so crazy/petty without really doing anything at all. She just radiates calm although she has stated do not come to her with men problems…she cannot help me on that one at all until she gets her own figured out or I meet men with some type of sanity.

Tonight, I am planning on catching Loni Love at the DC Improv with my Sis-Sis, Busy Bee and Morning Person. This outing was my suggestion but in my defense, I was not working or eating my way through DC neighborhoods when I decided that a comedy club outing was on the agenda. Saturday, Partner in Crime Guy and I are supposed to go bowling, and I have plans for Christmas Eve with Mini-Me. I think I have Sunday free but that laundry won’t wash itself and the rest of the apartment is looking as if some attention paid to it would not hurt.

Oh, also I squeezed in two evenings’ worth of grocery shopping this week as the first time I went, I forgot at least half the list…I blame it on my first full day of work in who knows how long and lack of sleep from the night before. I have been super busy….and while I am tired, it is a good tired. Not the what am I going to do with myself other than lay in bed today sort of tired and so much better than the I have been dealing with/fending off/talking with these online responder idiots all day tired. If I could combine the easy commute and laid back attitude of this assignment with the longevity of a previous assignment, I would be soooo happy. Life would be complete.

Although, with the end of the year coming up in a little over a week, I still have at least 3-4 more posts I want to write so I guess I will be busy in other ways…I want to tell you all about the second date (if it happens) with the Partner in Crime and put my feelings out there about him and what is happening; I want to talk about Christmas and my plans (or lack of them) and maybe even do a year in review. We’ll see.

Okay, readers…I will turn you loose now. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual…enjoy your day!

The Unexpected

Life has been a series of not quite setbacks…maybe false starts would be a better term. After all, I have been on interviews that led nowhere, called to come in for and phone interviewed for  jobs that no longer exist. The arrangements have been hit or miss (as usual) and the Fiscal Cliff still looms large. I was frustrated, angry, confused and directionless.

Then, I remembered the advice given in the rooms of recovery, decided to start believing the sayings and advice I post on Facebook and dispense in this blog and listen (again) to the Panel…I am powerless over a lot of things that are happening right now. I control nothing except my attitude and my responses (so much better than reactions) to what happens. I pulled on my big girl panties and decided to change my perspective. (Side note: once again, UTA and I seem to be on the same page and in the same place, process wise. She too is leaving alone what she cannot control, staying in the moment and enjoying the gifts each day holds) And I decided to use one of my many, many groupons/coupons to go the Newseum. It would be a multi-fold plan…meet someone new and random, get out of the house (you readers have no idea how many days I spend inside my apartment) and move more…it is a museum, which meant lots of walking.

Well, first thing to do was to meet someone random and new…so I posted an ad on Craigslist in the Strictly Platonic section (not that it made too much of a difference where I posted it). I felt badly for doing so, especially after posting TWO posts about the creepers and idiots that lurk there, and was even sorrier after some of the responses I got. Basically, I stated that I had a groupon good for two admissions, so it would be nice if my +1 bought lunch…I am not desperate for a date, I am unemployed and I am a woman…  so no way  am I am paying all the way around. If I can get you in there, you can feed me.  Oh, and the other thing was that since this was my first time going there and I was unemployed…I had the time to take my time. My +1 had to have the same flexibility in their schedule. I had an age range (38-65) and was honest about my height and weight….no matter what, looks matter on CL.

I got the guy who asked how come I could not use a groupon for lunch also, the married men who wanted me to fit my trip into their lunch hour, the “hot” guy who thought I was seeking a quickie in the museum bathroom, the 70 year old guy who is 5’7” and 320 pounds who wanted me to let him release my “tantric chakra”…whatever that is. The “dominant” guy who told me when we were going, what time to meet him and what to wear. The 30 year old who wanted to know did we absolutely have to stay together? Couldn’t I just give him the ticket and we go our separate ways? But then I met the guy who would become my partner in crime for my Day of Fun…he sent a respectful response, did not ask for nor send any pictures and was a bit of a news junkie. He does not live in the area (he is here to care for his father who recently suffered a stroke) and was in as much need of a change of scenery as I was…and he was insistent on picking me up and dropping me back off at home, AND in addition to treating to lunch, he was also going to treat to Dunkin’ Donuts! Winner, winner chicken dinner.

I have to admit, I had an amazing day with this guy….we did not rush through anything and stopped off at one my neighborhood’s hidden gems/unknown attractions before even heading to the Newseum. At the Newseum, we explored all kinds of exhibits…the Berlin Wall, Pulitzer Winning  Photographs, the FBI exhibit, the 9/11 exhibit, Newspapers through History…there is just too much to see and do there…I need to make another trip (and good news: the tickets are good for two day admission).  I still want to see the Civil War exhibit and try my hand at reporting the news. We had lunch, which was yummy and shopped the gift store (he is such a woman when it comes to shopping). Don’t get me wrong, he is not perfect. He drove too slowly, walked too fast and kept looking for stairs when elevators were readily available; he kept pulling me from my exhibits to go look at his and the ultimate faux pas: he made me WALK back to the car when we were done for the day, even though I told him my feet were KILLING me.

But the good outweighed the bad: he was very informative and has a sense of humor; he thinks I am gorgeous, sexy and awesome; and after making me walk back to the car, he bought the donuts and offered me a foot massage to relieve some of the aches and pains I loudly proclaimed I had. Win-win…someone to push me to be more active and will make it all better when it hurts too badly. That or he is an asshole with no manners who tried to make up for it and I fell for it. Time will tell…. He did not roll his eyes in exasperation when I showed my displeasure at things and here is the best part: he did not ask for nor push for sex and has emailed/called me everyday since our adventure…we talk about his job, his father, football, tales of the fruitless job searches, TV shows… and he has even suggested another outing for this coming weekend! He wants to take me for Chinese food and bowling, which I have agreed to.

No hopes are being raised and expectations are so low, they make a snake look as if it is wearing high heeled shoes. For once, I am just going to enjoy the unexpected and stay in the moment with it.  I am just amazed at how quickly things turn around once you turn your attitude around. Nothing has changed with my situations, but I have changed for the better (if only for a day or two)…and ended up having a great day, meeting someone who is super nice and somewhat sweet and today, I started a short term (3 days) temp assignment that seems to be the answer to everything I keep saying I want in a long term assignment. Maybe I need to leave the house more often…

So I have talked WAAAY too much (thanks for bearing with me and hopefully it was not too boring)…will be back soon with new blog posts. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual….enjoy your day!

The Op/Ed Post

Disclaimer: this blog post is simply my opinion. My sometimes very strong opinion. It may go off tangent . And just know it took me a couple of days to calm down enough so it isn’t in all caps and screaming profanities at any and everyone. I promise it will not be a rant on gun control as I am a firm believer that people kill people, not guns. A weapon is a weapon and I also believe that another ban on guns will go the way of the war on drugs and human trafficking. Because when one wants something badly enough, they will find a way around laws, regulations and bans.

What has happened to safety in today’s society? No place is safe anymore and neither is anyone. People break into our homes, our cars. At work, disgruntled workers shoot up offices, cubicles and co-workers. Here in DC, a man shot and killed his baby’s mother as she boarded a metrobus…holding the baby in her arms, then he fled to Long Island and committed suicide. Maybe he was following the example of that NFL player in Kansas City who had killed his baby’s mother and himself not a week earlier. In Oregon, a man shot up the mall. In Aurora, Colorado the movie theater was the scene of a massacre. Colleges and high schools (Virginia Tech and Columbine come to mind first) have been turned from institutes of learning into graveyards for so many. And now we have Sandy Hook Elementary.

But when you think about it, death of children is nothing new…parents kill their babies more often than we care to talk about. Susan Smith, the mom in Houston who suffered from post-partum depression, the black chick Oprah interviewed from prison. And tales of fathers who beat and shake the babies to death just so they will shut up, the parents who get high and hallucinogenic and put babies in ovens. And while I think it is incomprehensible for a parent to do such a thing to their own child, who does nothing but trust and love them simply because….I can make it more comprehensible by saying that the Higher Power saw things so terrible for them down the road with these parents, the babies were called home. Yet, I cannot wrap my head around the Sandy Hook tragedy or the people who perform these heinous acts.

You know, I never thought I would agree with Morgan Freeman (I wrote that man off long ago when he left his wife to date/live with the woman 50 years his junior and who was his granddaughter but not his blood relative granddaughter…you gotta google the story) or whoever made the statements regarding the Sandy Hook tragedy, but this person and I agree that these sick, twisted bastards do these spree killings in a twofold effort to end it all and to do so in a blaze of infamous glory. I say they are sad losers whose own mother would not miss them if they simply offed themselves, but in an effort to be remembered and have their names on everyone’s lips…they choose the most violently spectacular way t go that unfortunately includes taking innocent people with them. These killers take lives and leave behind shame, blame, guilt and questions for their families, the victims’ families, the public…everyone but themselves. Because those cowardly assholes choose to either kill themselves or get caught and the state locks them up and medicates them to “keep them calm”.

And for those who want to blame it on mental illness, autism (come ON!), video games, society, etc. All I have to say is keep mental illness and autism out of it…the fact that at least two of these men knew enough to wear a bulletproof vest, use the element of surprise and target pretty easy pickings…your mental illness/insanity goes out the window, in my opinion. What bothers me the most about Sandy Hook is that these were innocent children, 10 days before Christmas. You did not know these children, they did nothing to you…but I am willing to wager this dude wanted to be bigger than the Dark Knight Rises killer (I refuse to mention these sick people’s names) and how to top shooting up a theater full of people? Why, shoot up an elementary school! Filled with innocent children and teachers, less than 2 weeks before Christmas. That’s how.

I cannot wrap my brain around things that do not make sense…and the lack of outrage at these senseless killings is yet another piece of this twisted puzzle that makes no sense to me. Americans (not all of us but enough of us) wish to condemn and label Muslim extremists as sub-human, inhuman, inhumane and idiotic when they perform their suicide bombings, but at least they have a belief. We claim to be so strong, so tough, so right in our beliefs and practices, yet  too many people will blame society, the economy, mental illness, the parents, etc. trying to make it seem an American is somehow better than anyone else on earth. What is the deal with these American pieces of shit that choose to do these things just because? What separates us from them?  Is it the fact that these acts could have been done for the notoriety? Is it that they are scared to go alone? Did they just wake up one day and decide to kill themselves and whoever else they could find  or are they really mentally ill? And can the mentally ill really plan such attacks? I don’t know.

I blogged once before we have seen the enemy and it is us. These acts are no less than terrorism…friendly fire terrorism. Think of the families ripped apart by senseless, tragic violence this year…and these are only the stories we have heard/read about. How many more empty little beds are there in America tonight? How many more orphans are there? How many brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, aunts, uncles and friends are being mourned and missed?

How do we stop it?

More Online Ads

Life has been up and down lately, readers. I had a “date” with a dude who was hotter than balls! Seriously, he was HOT, hung and handsome and while I am not one to go for the looks/body (seriously, ask my panel about my choices in men)…I saw what people talk about when they say there is nothing like a fit, toned body. I was leery about this dude for a lot of reasons but the one thing that stood out was he said he had never been with a bigger girl…pretty much I was a 3 for 1 deal for him. His sexual bucket list included a black woman, a BBW and an older woman…I filled all three slots and I have to say…that was an intense thirty minutes that left me happy in more ways than one.

Then I had a job interview (the folks with the four tests and 350 questions called me in) which while not a waste of time, was not what they offered or I expected. There was more paperwork, more testing and I took care to make sure I was dressed very professionally and even came to the interview early. Not on time, not five minutes late…early. And they had no admin jobs available and what they are offering, I don’t want to take…but I just do not think I am in a position to hold out, bargain or otherwise not accept what is on the table. I told UTA I have to start taking my own advice and accept it as a blessing in disguise…and hope that it is true about blessings growing.

So in between time and in the meantime, I have been reading more CL ads…and I KNOW the last post was filled with them, but then a brand new crop of crazy showed up and I had to post them. Seriously, if I just told someone this crap, not only would I be a liar, I would be a crazy liar. Again, enjoy them, (hopefully they format better this time) don’t take them too seriously and I will be back soon with a new post. Hopefully either something extraordinary happens (at this point, good or bad…I don’t care) or the Panel lets me post all about the insane drama going on with Him. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual…enjoy your day!

 Hear that knock on the door? It’s Chris Hansen and the To Catch a Predator crew….

Let me have fun with your cute daughter and I will spoil both of you! I am professional, clean, safe, and discreet. Please send pictures and tell me where you are located.

Here’s an idea…let me call the police about the potential rapist wanting me to answer his ad….                                                                                                                                                 condoms, lube, duct tape, and a blindfold…. any ideas about what we could do with these things? I have them here in a bag.

It’s all I want for Christmas……

I want you pale with eye liner, dyed hair, ridiculous piercings, wearing fishnet stockings. I want you to do everything I tell you. I want to twist your arm while I’m inside of you. I want you to leave with bruises and a smile. I want you to get dressed up nice and pretty, and take your time on your make-up, just so I can rip your clothes off and fuck you until the tears, the spit, and semen have ruined your make up. Then when you’re lying there tied to the bed with duct tape over your mouth and cum on your face…when there’s nothing you can do or say, I’ll pat you on the head and tell you what good a girl you are.

 Hmmmm…not that thirsty, thanks.

I am looking for a woman who is into receiving golden showers, drinking piss from my cock preferred.

Oh, yeah….I am going to willingly sign up for this crap….

i want to want you every minute of every day. hopefully, you’ll make me talk about leaving my wife, but i wont. i’ll agonize about it though. i’ll spend most of my free time thinking about you, looking at your pictures, and chatting with you, when i’m not with you. i’ll secretly text you, when i’m at dinner with her, call you when she’s in the bathroom. i’ll meet you for awesome sex, and despair about having to go home for dinner. i’ll whisper to you about how much sexier you are than her, how i wish i was free to be with you all the time. we’ll fight, about who loves each other more, and why we can’t just be happy together. there’ll be drama, for sure. we’ll both end up broken hearted, and mope about it for months, probably. want to?

All I posted was the first line…after I read that, I was laughing too hard to read anymore….

I came to Craigslist for the respect and discretion.