A Letter to Kayla

My Dearest Kayla:

First, please know that Kayla is not your name…it is my name for you. Your wild child mother (maybe you two will grow up together) has given you a name I swear incorporates all 26 letters of the alphabet. Twice. I cannot spell it nor can I pronounce it and when your mother first told me you were coming…I knew that you would be a girl and what I would call you. Kayla.

Right now, you are safe and warm and eating spicy food but all too soon you will be here with the rest of us. It really is not so bad on the outside and you have so many people who love you and cannot wait to share their lives and their love with you. Just know none of us are rich but you will never know that because all of your needs and most of your wants will be met. We are all good people…a little twisted and a little flawed but good , decent people who know to treat people with politeness, kindness and respect. So I guess you need to get to know the cast of characters you will be spending your time with.

Your Mommy is an amazingly beautiful woman. She is funny, creative and loves too wrong for too long but she is a good woman. She is soooo in love with you she told one billion people about you (she FaceBooks about you…same thing), and continues to tell them just about every day what you are doing and what she wants for you. When she found out she was going to be a mommy again, she asked God to send her a healthy baby girl…. she will take care of your happiness. Even though she is already a mommy, she will still make mistakes. That is what we do on the outside…we do the best we can but sometimes, we still fall short. Know that she will give you all you need and most of your wants (usually on birthdays, Christmas and when you just won’t stop whining) but sometimes, she will tell you no. And it is for your own good. She will be tough and hard on you at times but only because she wants more for you than she wants for herself. Oh, just know your mommy is a single mommy…not that your father is not around, but right now he is being a mean, mean man and acting like a butt-head..which you will find most men do. All the time. And your daddy may not change but that is not a reflection on you or your mom. A lesson I learned a long time ago is that you cannot miss what you never had, and you will never feel less loved or less wanted because of that.

You have a big brother who is already super excited to meet you. He will be your first friend, your playmate and at times, your worst enemy. He will teach you to fight, burp and how to win mommy over. He will be your protector and your tormentor and will fight your battles for you when you start school. He is in kindergarten now so most days he will be gone, but when he gets home, he will tell you all about his day and then take the remote control from you so he can see his cartoons.

You have a grandmother, but you will never call her that. She will be Mom-Mom, Nana or maybe even G-Mama. This woman will love you more than you will ever know and she is the one who will give in where mommy won’t. Your grandmother is VERY big on family and if she could have only wish come true, it would be for her family to stay together, no matter what. Blood is thicker than anything else and whatever happens between relatives…remember the love you have for each other and to keep the ties that bind you together stronger than those that would tear you apart.  I say this because she will be instilling this in you AND your big brother pretty much every day. Let her…it is only by teaching that we learn and honestly, there is nothing better than generations of family gathered together for a happy occasion. Also, your grandmother (and your mommy) will be taking oodles of pictures of you…sleeping, smiling, crying, bathing, naked, clothed…you name it, they will be taking pictures of it. Just go with it.

Your mommy has a group of friends who are not where you live…we live in different cities and probably won’t see you except via photographs and updates, but we are super excited to see/meet you also. We will have all kinds of advice, wisdom and thoughts for your mommy about you regarding your clothing, upbringing , activities and what have you…and she will listen, say okay and do what she wants to do anyway. She will give you kisses and hugs from us and even though you won’t see us, you will know you are loved and cared for by us.

I guess the most important lesson here is we will all be brand new to this…no matter how many children a mother has, it is as if each one is the first one. No matter how many times a grandmother hugs you, kisses you or says I love you…it will never be enough. Your big brother has never been a brother before (big or little) so you will have to teach him some things, but he will return the favor and teach you in return.

Waiting excitedly to see you…

Love, kisses and hugs until we meet.

Auntie DC


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