Okay, so I am super excited right now…I start a short term assignment (10 days) Friday. It was actually supposed to start Monday but since I have not worked for this client in about a month, refresher training was suggested and I readily agreed. I am so ready to get back to work…don’t get me wrong, I immensely enjoy my time off but sometimes it is too much of a good thing. I need to be around new people, I need to be productive outside of the domestic realm and I need a break from my routine. Working will be a great distraction from what is going on (or lack of ) with me…I am going to share with you what is happening in my little corner of the world. It isn’t much and you have probably heard it all before but it is what it is.
Him: That he should still be a topic of conversation is not that bad…after all the man is a derailing train and me and my Panel are all about the drama. No, what is ridiculous is that the man cannot separate the personal from the professional. Maybe I need to backtrack a little…everyone knows I am doing a job search and I have been submitted for a temp to perm position with a national and major insurance company. The powers that be were impressed with my resume but wanted actual references from immediate supervisors, not just names on a piece of paper…so I gave the agency the go ahead to contact my list of people. Him (being a former boss and immediate supervisor) was on the list. I did debate this for a minute (Cuz chewed me a new one for even putting the man on the list) but I decided to be truthful and I remembered him had always said I would never have to worry about him giving me anything but a stellar reference, and him had made this statement and others like it even when we were still at each other’s throats over BTH and his abandonment of me.
Now, seeing as how things turned out between us, I really should have put anyone else at the Island on the reference list, but hey…what had happened was on a personal level and a job reference was professional. I did not email or contact him in any way, shape or form to try and make it personal…the reference request would speak for itself. Except the man never responded to the reference request…he forwarded it to someone else on the Island whom I had never worked for or under….someone not my immediate supervisor. And THAT had me seeing red and achieving high levels of pisstivity. Yes, I got a glowing review from this person but seriously, dude? I don’t understand it…after two years of being broken up, after fucking me over with me not taking some sort of revenge/retaliation and after a full year of me NOT saying one word to him regardless of what has been tossed out there (seriously, no one told us anything…he showed us everything) and finally letting go enough so he can live his happily ever after…he still cannot find 3 minutes and one sentence stating that I am a decent worker? That is not respecting me in the professional sphere and that move was purely personal. I guess him is so pussy whipped (how does that happen when you aren’t getting any?) that anything involving me (even when I am not involved) is off limits. Maybe him is holding angers/resentments against me, I don’t know. All I know is I long ago gave up hopes for a reconciliation or a friendship with the man but I would like to think as two adults (maturity for both parties is debatable) we could at least be civil about and towards each other but I guess not.
Morning Person had me laughing on the floor when she said she has been trying to tell me since things were good with him that the man was simply perpetuating the fraud of being a man. Him has always been an asshole and a coward who hides behind others and passes the buck. It has just taken me this long to finally see it for myself. Chef apologized for the man’s behavior and while he doesn’t want to say I told you so, he told me so. Artsy-Craftsy is so over him…just another what else can you expect move made by the master of cowardice. Quiet One is not surprised…the man has been off his game and off his rocker since marrying BTH and maybe it is in my best interest him said nothing and passed it on to someone who not only likes me but knows how important it is to have a job nowadays. Sister Someone/Brother Everything can’t believe that the man cannot find one nice thing to say about me but it is on him, not me. As for me, I want to kick his ass, curse him out and beat him with a bat but I am going to just shut up. In fact, I am going to get my pretend AFO boyfriend to kick his ass….my new, pretend boyfriend who is taller, cuter (lots!), 20 years younger, who has NO need for little blue pills to rise to the occasion and believes in repeat performances all night long.
AFO/Crazy Train: I am going to be truthful with you (and myself)….pretty much I am about 3 emails away from declaring myself in love with AFO. I know…the man could not/did not remember who I was, he admitted to being with other women and sniffing their panties (and confusing me with whoever the panty giver was). We met online under unorthodox circumstances and he has shown me a brand new kind of crazy. But he definitely seemed sincere and remorse about how things re-started between us, he deals with my chromic tardiness without getting angry, he did not do anything that I did not like sexually and was willing to try things that do make me happy and hot, and I don’t know….this time around it was like there was a connection that I would like to think we both felt.
I really do like him which is why I agreed to hop onboard the Crazy Train and so far, all the Panel members are ready to ride with me. Even Cuz agreed to board, be the conductor and then he says he thinks AFO feels the same way I do. (I think he is putting a bandage on the new asshole he ripped me over Him) Quiet One thinks it will be a pleasant ride with not as many bumps as the Him Train had, Buddy wants to know if he can split drinking duties with Girlfriend and New Mommy, Oscar and Sister Someone are wondering if there is a family car on the train. UTA is coming I am sure…no way will she let this train ride without her. So we are all here, ready to go…except the train is not moving. No word from the man as of yet despite two emails. I am not upset or hurt…I tabled the expectations and am still missing him for all the right reasons: the cuddling, the kissing, the random conversations.
Chef, Morning Person and Cuz are letting me know that the man is active military AND an officer…time will be limited, communications when they come may be terse and restrained and definitely the attention we showered each other with when we were together would not be forthcoming via online communications. The military is a brand new animal…I have to be ready to handle that. And I am a little miffed and pouty about that…I can deal with and accept a lot of things with the long distance relationship card but I am with Artsy-Craftsy…I need movement, action and drama. Twiddling my thumbs waiting for an I miss you too email is not going to cut it. Waiting for him to be sent back to DC is not going to cut it…but I like him so I am willing to see what happens.
Of course, until a move is made on his end, I am not going all out. I still have online ads (during one of our arguments I told him I had to keep the ads up…how else will he know how to contact me or a woman built just like me?), I will still live my life the way I have been living it and I can take advantage of the downtime to blog out all my thoughts (good and negative) about the man…if we ever move past the pretend stage, I will no longer be able to tell you guys a whole lot unless he does something super incredibly nice or something incredibly stupid/mean. You cannot blog about the relationship while it is happening…you can blog about it before it begins and after it ends. It is killing me to just sit here and twiddle my thumbs when I am so ready to see where the train could lead us but good things come to those who wait. Or so they say. Maybe I can find someone to fill in the blanks until we are ready to roll. Damn…that was a horrible, slutty thing to say…and I am such a hypocrite. I think it is okay for me to keep seeing dates but he has to be celibate and pining away for me. Maybe I am not even ready for the pretend aspect of it yet.
And that’s it…nothing exciting. Maybe football will be our next topic..for real this time. I have dinner with Reliable One this evening (yes, he is back from his vacation with the other chick and I am going to try really hard not to stab him in the hand with my fork), I need to get a money order to send the IRS a payment (my monthly reminder of Married Man), toss some laundry in and run some errands. The Big Brother finale is tonight (SO Team Dan) and I also plan to FINALLY go visit Baby Mama tomorrow.
As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual….enjoy your day.