Two blog posts in one day….this has not happened since the beginning of the Him fiasco, but hey, the blog is my therapy and I am feeling the need to once again make my thoughts visible. So here goes….and please ignore the formatting. NO idea what is going with that!
I realize it takes me a while to accept hurtful things and I am not as quick to understand that all of these wonderful happy endings I envision are only in my head. But, eventually I DO accept the current reality, learn my lessons and dust myself off. I make progress away from the situation and look forward to new people, adventures and drama…and that is when the object of my pathetic analysis chooses to make themselves known.
I ended my previous blog post with the most ridiculous email from AFO: “My apologies, I travel alot. Please remind me the last time we met and your first name. Like I said, I am coming to the DC area and would love to get back with you.” Okay, does ANYONE other than myself remember this man acting a complete asinine fool our last day together? His hollering and yelling that I would have the ad, I would be the one to forget him, how we met, blah, blah, blah? Then how he ignored my email once he left? Well, I do….and after his abrupt and fucked-up re-entry into my world, I got over the pity party and accepted it for what it was: despite my best efforts, I was no more than several free pieces of pussy to him. He was not interested in a connection, friendship or relationship…his world is comprised of the military, travel and online ads. I was the one who mixed business and pleasure and held expectations because for a little while, I was so unbelievably happy. I accept that…I was/I am forgettable and expendable to the AFO and I tried to saddle him with things he did not want.
I spent the day wrapping my head around accepting that fact. I talked to Morning Person and Oscar, I napped, watched some football and cooked a quick, tasty meal (seasoned beef, pasta noodles and peas in a smokehouse bacon sauce). I caught up with Big Brother spoilers and realized one thing and hazarded a guess at another: I keep doing the right things with/for the wrong people and maybe I am getting everything wrong in this life so I can get it right in the next one. And everything was going swimmingly…we all want to be remembered and we are…by the right people. Kind of like when 9 people tell you how great you look but the 10th person calls you ugly. It no longer matters that 9 folks think you are pretty…you wonder why that 10th person doesn’t. And that is when I got yet another email: “As it turns out, I am not in Tysons corner but actually staying in Reston, VA, however I can travel to your location…..After you scolded me on not remembering, I have been racking my brain all day trying to remember you – your pics did look familiar. You can text me at this phone number and we can get reacquainted.” This right here is a difference between men and women…women KNOW that you have received their email and when a man does not respond, we know you are ignoring us for whatever reason. Men…the fact/thought that they are being ignored never crosses their mind. The fact that I may be ignoring AFO for not remembering my sweet, tight loving, that I may be angry, even hurt over that….not even in his neighborhood of thinking right now. Him would do the same thing….send email after email until he received some type of acknowledgement even when tossing my communications to the side like so much garbage. So here is my question: do I respond, let AFO know exactly who I am and tell him I am no longer interested? Although the last part will probably be unnecessary as he will more than likely take off faster than an Olympic track star once I reveal myself or do I just continue to ignore him? I remember that he doesn’t return favors, subjects me to things I am not a fan of sexually and puts all kinds of crap out there to simply not follow through on them; I know he will say what he needs to to get what he wants….but he will pay, but how badly do I want those dollars? I have dates scheduled for next week, and while we all know you can never have too many “extra” dollars, not all money is good money. I don’t know…Oscar says to tell him who I am…the communications will either stop or I can put a stop to them. I will figure it out, hopefully to my best interest and not to feeding my ego…right now, time for a long, hot shower before Big Brother comes on, then starting work on a couple of new posts NOT about the idiot men I know. Thinking it may time for new idiot men…new names and new drama that we may be able to understand. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading (again) and as usual…enjoy your day!