It has finally happened and I am not surprised. With all the craziness and drama that has been a part of my life for what seems like forever, it is only natural that growth and change (NOT for the better) would occur and a brand new type of crazy would not only come to town, but look me up (probably based on glowing recommendations from the old crazy) and try to BFF me. It does not involve Him…honestly, him was never crazy, just incredibly delusional and stupid. Now he has descended to being desperate and sad and I am so ready to spill beans on ALL of that but Artsy-Craftsy is the holdup on that. Blame her. It does not involve AFO (he is officially the Pretend Ex-Boyfriend) although on a side note, Chef has now jumped on the white cotton sock fetish bandwagon. I don’t even want to know but I am sure I will find out exactly how and why that transpired.
The brand new crazy seems to involve everything else though and below are just a few instances of what I have been subjected to this week….and may I just say that Grey’s Anatomy should be on this list just for killing off both Lexie AND McSteamy.
Sister Someone: She is only still around because every once in awhile Bell Pepper (her BFF) breaks through to her and she is not quite the thoughtless bitch she normally is…besides, she is a witness to an instance of brand new crazy and I may need her testimony soon. But on to her bout of BNC (brand new crazy)….you guys know she bought her own ring, proposed to herself and had hired a wedding planner within 4 hours of saying yes. You may not know she has a wedding date of May 18, 2013 and the chick has taken two days off work to go get her marriage license! As usual, she had my mouth hanging open and when I asked her why she was going for the license 7 months before the wedding date, she replied that Brother Everything was acting as if he may change his mind and she had to strike fast. Seriously, this chick can elevate crazy to brand new heights…no long talks, no sharing of fears…getting the marriage license so he is stuck with her and her child, which is still not a guarantee. The marriage license does not mean they are married…the license still needs to be signed by a Justice of the Peace or a religious clergyperson and validated by the appropriate government agency. Trapping versus talking…never thought of that approach to get and maintain a relationship….this is why I am single and she isn’t. (insert heavy sarcasm)
Stupid Ass Men: Surprisingly it is not the online men this time although there is the 50 year old military man who seems to think generosity is an option (it’s not) and that I am supposed to send all the pictures. I have pictures in my ad and any further pictures of me are in exchange for his…those exact words are IN the ad. Scary that a man who cannot read is qualified to protect our country. And right now, as I type I have some dude who seems to think a change in his plans means a change in my plans and that his boredom is my problem. He’ll be okay.
No, the BNC came in the real world…first up is the dude on the metro. The train was packed with folks and I was standing in front of a dude who was sitting. Not sure why dude didn’t take his meds that morning but he leans over as if he is going to tie his shoe or something and he grabs the hem of my dress and is SNIFFING the material and then proceeds to RUB it all over his face. I snatched my dress away and told him to move. He apologized profusely and got off maybe two stops later. Then that evening, I was yelled at by some crazy homeless man who told me I was a fat, stinky, WHITE motherfucker and he hoped my cigarette choked me, gave me cancer and I died. I didn’t say anything…obviously the man was off his meds and had been for some time…the bus came and I boarded. At the next stop, the SAME DUDE boarded and picked up his tirade exactly where he left off. THAT is when I told him to keep talking shit and he would be the one dying. Really, no way can I let you insult me twice in the same day.
The Piece de Resistance: If you are a regular reader of this blog, you know I always say I want to work. I lied. I do not miss working…I miss steady income and socializing. I started the short term temp assignment this week and words fail me. This assignment and the people there defy explanation. All I know is it is making me everything I am not. If you know me, you know I am a smoker, I am tardy and I like to smell pretty….I was none of that this week. Below are highlights because to tell you everything would turn this post from a short story to a freaking novel.
- So I was warned that the manager at the assignment was a stickler for professional dress and punctuality…they did not tell me her control issues have driven her batshit crazy. First up: dress/attire. You MUST wear a suit jacket Monday-Thursday. Not a cardigan, not a vest…a suit jacket. Fridays you can go sans jacket but the sleeves on your blouse/dress must reach at least your elbows. No miniskirts or short dresses…pants and maxi skirts/dresses are the norm. Now the punctuality…first day, I was there at 8:31 and was told I was late. Second day, I got there at 8:28 and was told I was “cutting it close”. Third day, got there at 8:24 and the office was pitch black and locked up tight. I refused to move for anything because while no will notice I am early/on time..they will notice if I am late. And 8:31 is late.
- Internet usage is highly discouraged…to the point there are no keyboards. Just monitors and mice. I am not allowed to read anything at all at this location…no newspapers, no magazines, no books. I think I have the phone list memorized at this point. Since there is absolutely nothing to stimulate my brain (one of the employees has started having conversations with me though), I fall asleep. Constantly. And once in front of the manager who did not even notice.
- On the day I was early (that has not happened in about 5 years), after I got settled I told the person training me I was going to smoke a cigarette and grab bagel. No problem. When I return, the manager is raising holy hell and had actually called her HR manager. How DARE I take a 15 minute break and for a cigarette and bagel? She can give me two 10 minute smoke breaks and I need to eat before I get there or get there earlier….I told her there was no need in coming any earlier as I could not get in.
- That same day, I get a call from the temp agency (first time EVER having an assignment call the agency on me) …apparently people in the office are allergic to perfume so it was asked I tone it down or better…refrain altogether. I agreed for two reasons: first being the word “allergic” being used. Allergies are not what they used to be (they are affecting people in worse ways) and I have sympathy for allergies. Second, it is just a temp job (at this point I am counting down the days) and I know I am clean and pretty, but I did find it odd they were allergic to the perfume but no one said a word about the cigarette smoke. So the next day, I am fragrance free and got FUSSED at for taking it so seriously.
- There is a client in the office who walks past the front desk 18,000 times a day, and I speak to him. Nothing serious or sexual…how was lunch? Hitting the gym today? What did you bring me back from CVS? You know, superficial small talk…and he told me to STOP talking to him. I was a little miffed, but this is BNC so I told him no problem…and what does HE do? As soon as I stop speaking, he is hanging at the front desk all day long making conversation. I sense a set up and am not saying one word to his ass.
- My assignment is directly across the street from Sister Someone’s office so we had been planning to meet for lunch. I call her maybe the second day and left her a message to let me know if we were still on…when SS returns the call, one of the employees answers the phone and refers to me as the “tall girl temp” in a serious SE DC dialect. SS says she does not know what my height or position has to do with inquiring if I were in the office or not, and the employee hung up on her.
- Friday was the worst day…I wore black cotton weave pants that had a tribal print in a taupe/nude color. I was told they could see my skin AND my black thongs…I do not wear thongs at all, black or otherwise. I was told I was inappropriate, it was evident that I had never worked in a truly professional office and I may be sent home. Frankly, I was hopeful I would be but no such luck. Then the manager and an employee got into a screaming match in the reception area over the employee’s attire and her wanting to run the show (I am LOVING this “truly professional” office) and the HR manager was called in from HQ, 35 miles away.
I cannot write anymore about the assignment…it is draining and exhausting and all I want is to see October 3rd roll around. So this is what I have been up to this week…I am hoping BNC does not decide to stay around. I am trying to decompress from what it has brought me this week. I have eaten some leftover Chinese food, and now about to go get some cigarettes, listen to some Ben Howard and some Milo Green. Tomorrow I plan to do laundry, watch football (blog post coming soon!) and catch the season premieres of Once Upon a Time and Homeland.
As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual….enjoy your day!