Why I Love John Gray

I am watching 9 ½ Weeks…again. In fact, I have been up all night watching it, over and over. I think EVERYONE knows this is my favorite movie. Ever. Hands down, and perhaps I am overloading on it now because it has been far too long since I have seen it and it will be awhile before I indulge in it again. It is simply too much of something to watch on a regular basis. It is not a movie I watch out of comfort or for some sense of happiness…it fills a craving I have that one would think would fade with age and/or wisdom.  And has anyone read the book? Far more intense and exploring an aspect of D/s I have no interest in but am fascinated by. I don’t need 50 Shades of Grey…I have 9 ½ Weeks in print and on film. I swear, even after all the process (STILL going on) and progress, I want a relationship like this…well, the film version at least. In the book, Elizabeth is a pain slut with no boundaries. I don’t want pain and I do have boundaries that may come down with the right person using the right tactics at the right time. Cold cocking me or wanting me to watch bruises inflicted by you rise up against my skin is only going to land us both in jail.

But, I  do want a man like John Gray…well, not completely like John Gray (there are some unresolved issues there) but close enough. I do want a relationship with a sensual D/s undertone, where I can surrender completely on all levels and relinquish control to someone responsible enough to know what to do with it and who will know when to hand it back. I decided to write down what I love about the man and let you readers and my panel members decide if I truly need psychiatric help and stronger medications or if there are others out there like me thinking there can be some sanity, fun and a possible long term relationship possible with a man like this.

First, have you SEEN this guy? To me, there is NOTHING finer or more handsome than a young Mickey Rourke….I could look at that face all day, every day and not get tired of it. The closest I have found is Gabriel Macht who plays Harvey on the USA show Suits but it is just not the same. And I want a man whose looks are so incredibly sexy and attractive to me I could look at him all day, every day and always find something else to both like and love. It would help lots if he looked at me as if I were a young, hot Kim Basinger. I think if I wore my blonde wig and he squinted really hard, he may actually see the resemblance.

Second, the man looks GOOD in a suit. I appreciate a well-dressed man, more so than a naked man. If I am going to be honest, a young Mickey Rourke is a thin Mickey Rourke and I am not a fan of skinny/thin….I need something to hold onto, but with those looks and the way he wears his clothes…I can get over that very quickly. He is clean shaven (I like that) and his hair…he actually has some and I like how it is styled. Overall, he exudes a professional look with an edge, not to mention he is intelligent, funny in a dry way and  has interesting stories to tell.

Generosity is an important attribute in a man…and I know enough to realize generosity does not always have to be financial. John took Elizabeth out to dinners, bought her wonderful gifts, took her shopping, sent her flowers, he cooked for her AND did the dishes, the scene where he tells her how he wants to take care of her, how he wants the nights to be just for them (which means actually spending lots of time together) and the man cooked breakfast for her in the morning….did I mention he bathed her and brushed her hair on a rainy afternoon? Or the homemade chicken soup when she was sick? There is debate over whether or not the story is truth or fiction and I am going with fiction because I do not think there was ever a man like that. Good luck finding a man looking like that doing all of that.

The man is kinky as hell….and I think that can be a good thing as long as it is consensual. He was insatiable for Elizabeth and oh, to be wanted like that. He could stare at her as long as she could stare at him, and he looks to be a fantastic kisser. He was passionate. He enjoyed role-play, sexual games with blindfolds, ice cubes and food products. He wanted to not only know her fantasies, but to be the one to fulfill them. He wanted to tease her, please her, frighten and excite her…over and over again. He pushed boundaries, sometimes went too far playing the games and had disciplinarian tendencies, but overall he is my ideal of a sensual, dominant lover. I also liked the fact that while he did expect obedience, he was not looking for a pushover…he wanted a woman with her own life and who would be a challenge, and just maybe, teach him something.

Arguments…is there ever a good way to argue? One thing I liked about their arguments is that, in a perverse and totally unhealthy way, it was always a win-win.. He always got his point across (in the film at least, he would not use discipline but the threat of it)  and his way, but in the end, she could beat him up, curse him out and he would just hug her, hold her and tell her how beautiful she was. He told her in the very beginning if she did not want to do something with him, to him or for him, she can always tell him to leave. She never did… because Elizabeth did love him, she always acquiesced. The one time she didn’t, the power struggle gave them both what they wanted from the other.

Of course, I am making him sound like this wonderful, too good to be true perfect man (at least Oscar and I think he is) but he had faults and flaws: he could be incredibly emotionally unavailable and it was only after hurting Elizabeth that he could see that. He was ambiguous: when Elizabeth asked him was this a game or a relationship, he replies it can be whatever they want it to be. He did not open up about himself and his feelings until it was entirely too late. He told her he loved her but I wonder if  he meant it or if it were a tool to continue to have his way with her. I like to think he meant it. He could be controlling, selfish and incredibly manipulative and did so by exploiting her love for him but I also fault Elizabeth for that….true, it is easy to get lost and consumed by a man like that when the good times are rolling, but when he started pushing her into things she was either not into or she was unprepared for…she should have put her foot down and asserted herself. After all, there are two of them in this relationship and while she was his playmate (willingly), she was not there to be his  toy to be pushed and used at will. But that would have been a healthy move and we all know I love this movie because it is so fantastically unhealthy.

I realize that this type of man or the relationship he would offer is not for everyone…I have a friend I call Suthun Belle who swears if she were in the relationship with John Gray it would be called 9 ½ Hours because no way could she or would she put up with that crap, but I think if it were the right guy who I could look at for hours on end,  a man who would actually listen to me, who would get to know me and open up every once in awhile (where he tells her he has never felt this way before and that he saw himself in her…I melt every time) and who could take care of me and pamper me in that way…if the boundary pushing was subtle and the changes came incrementally…he could be my world, if only for a little while. Something this intense, this passionate could never be for the long term. I would have to enter into it knowing it was a fling with no chance of permanence and while my head would know it, my heart would not. But I would chance it to have the full blown John & Elizabeth experience. To paraphrase Elizabeth: “With guys, you know what will end it. That is what makes it bearable so you file it away and you wait. But this guy…I don’t know what will end it.” Yeah, I’m crazy (I am still reeling from a half-assed, not even close to John & Elizabeth experience)  so I guess it is so much for the process/progress….at least for today.

I know this post is incredibly random, definitely just for me (and Oscar) and if you stuck with it, thank you. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual….enjoy your day!





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