I am totally and completely discontent. That is the only way to describe it. I am getting slightly impatient and tired of waiting for the conclusion of this chapter so I can begin a new one. Nothing is going my way any longer: no assignments from the temp agencies, the job searches are not even yielding anything worth submitting a resume over AND the arrangements are in a slump. A serious slump….not even a response to my latest ad, which really may be a little too creative and intelligent for men, online or not. Two weeks I have been without extra income and it is slowly dawning on me that I am poor, at least financially and I am not sure I can handle that. Then to top it all off, the strangest, weirdest and saddest person EVER is bursting out with an actual relationship….not that I do not believe that there is not someone for everyone and Lord knows, the person whom I am speaking of has been waiting for someone since I was dating Married Man…it still stings. I mean, I am here all wonderful and this person is not cute, has poor hygiene (their teeth has moss and their breath is foul) and their personality leaves LOTS to be desired. Oh, did I mention they were cheap? Yet, they are in a relationship. Just.Great.
And here I am, overlooked and unappreciated, watching way too much home shopping (I know all the Jewelry TV hosts by name) and pissed that I cannot follow their motto: “Buy it today and wear it forever.” I spend so much time napping when I do get out of the bed, the mattress is still glued to my ass. Before you all start thinking this is a pity party of the first order, let me shift gears….I need motivation and inspiration. I have a saying when I admire someone: “I want to be just like you when I grow up” and the women below inspire and motivate me in ways I cannot explain. Without sounding all melodramatic, they are my heroines. It is more than wanting what they have…it is wanting what they possess to achieve what they have. When I talk to them or read them, they always seem to be growing, doing, learning from mistakes…while me…I am a cross between being and existing. Not sure what the difference is between those two are, but I do know they both pretty much require me to be alive and breathing which is all I seem capable of doing lately, and it is time for me to start doing more. Without further ado, here are the women I am soooo jealous of (in the best way possible):
Artsy Craftsy: Hands down, my favorite Panel person. She is just so sweet, laid back and whether she realizes it or not, she is the one with all the answers when it comes to getting through the loss of the one great love. She gets it that I still love him and a piece of me is still in love with him and that is really is okay. She gets it that I want him to be happy with his choices but I simply cannot be happy for him. She gets it that dating is hard and it is probably harder now for two reasons: the first is we are in an age where the expectation is for no commitment and the obligation is for physical play. Dating is reduced to a drink and a one night stand. Ongoing means the dude found your email address or phone number 3 months later and is wondering if you are available. The second reason is my age…not that I am old, but at this stage of the game I am looking at divorced or widowed men (totally different categories from “single”), men with children and the fact of the matter is baggage increases with age, not decreases. Single men my age are even more jaded and bitter than me and have a laundry list of requirements longer than my legs. But Artsy Craftsy knows that you can still keep the past in the past even when it is popping up in your face on a steady basis; she knows that it is no longer about trying to keep that person you feel you cannot live without in your life…it is about finding the person you can live with. And she holds onto hope and faith that there are still a few princes left among the frogs.
Larissa: I do not know her except via her blog and I am here to tell you: this girl’s writings are CRAZY amazing!!! When I read her, I do not feel so alone or unique. She makes me realize that I am not the only one left who still believes in the fairytale yet can find no one willing to pursue it with me. That every once in awhile we forego the happily ever after for the happy endings and sometimes…we still get the two mixed up. The difference between Larissa and I is she picks herself up, dusts herself off and puts another check in the Lesson Learned column while I roll around in the muck and mire until either someone comes along to pull me out or I realize no one is coming so I have to do it myself. Well, maybe I am not that bad but I do know that this chick is one of the most honest and holding it together writers I know and I admire that. You can catch up with her and read her blog here.
UTA: We may not be in the same place with our respective processes (I swear, she is doing so much better than me) but we seem to be in the same places at the same time with our struggles, but believe it or not I do not admire her for her emotional fortitude. Well, I do but that is not the main reason she is on my list of women I want to be like when I grow up. I admire her for her courage to live her life. She lives in a foreign land , learning a different culture, new languages and is doing so as a (for all intents and purposes) single mom. She practices a religion she loves which of course, does not conform to the status quo, but she is here to live her life, not someone else’s. She wants to travel and see more of the world than what she sees outside her window…she wants to walk down strange sidewalks and see different skylines…and she will. She has the guts to pursue her dreams and accomplish her goals and that is so awesome to me. She takes no excuses from anyone (including UTA) and she may be stymied by obstacles once in a while, but she finds a way around, under and over that rock eventually. I wish she held classes on how she does it…I would be late, but I would attend them.
Catherine: She is a fellow blogger and I have mentioned her before. Catherine recently celebrated her blog’s two year anniversary and when I read about her progress, I long to be young and white. Just kidding…but the girl is still at least 3 years away from thirty and has an amazing job, travels and not only has moved on from her heartbreak (the majority of the time), she has a new relationship in which she is really and truly happy. Jealousy runs rampant over here but not over her happiness…over how she has managed to shake it off and move on. I read her posts faithfully and once in awhile she surprises me when she writes about how she still feels the pangs and twinges of hurt from her ex …and the surprise comes from her being able to still identify with that. See, I always thought once you found the next one after THE ONE, THE ONE would just kind of fall off the face of the earth and become a very distant memory. Catherine shows me that even though THE ONE never really goes away, that is no reason to stop the progression forward and embracing a new relationship with a different man and to always recognize that you too are a different person. Sometimes, breakups are meant to be wake-ups, so get out of bed!
Little Runner Girl: Let me say up front I call her Little because she is smaller than me and younger than me…it is not meant to be an insult in any way. A Panel member suggested I read her blog and while it is all about her wedding and living a healthy lifestyle (two things which I think will absolutely never happen in my corner of the world), she is interesting, helpful and not all smug and preachy about it. She is HAPPY and it comes through in her writings. And she (along with Artsy Craftsy) were my inspiration for losing 30 pounds…and taking tips/suggestions from Little Runner Girl (cutting out excess sugars and moving more), I have actually LOST weight! It is noticeable enough that even my mother who at times cannot pleased in any way at all asked what was I doing and to keep it up because I was looking great. But LRG inspires and motivates me with her passion….running and eating healthy is not a fad or something to do for her…it is what she wants to do and her happiness at finding a man who shares her passions?? Again, jealousy running rampant…but she makes me want to find my passion which so far seems to be rage against the plight of the coal miner, but I am taking no action. LRG has taught me passion requires action. She is utilizing her talents to make herself and her world a better place and who couldn’t benefit from doing that. Check out her blog here.
So these are the women who inspire me, motivate me and help me channel my jealousy into a positive outlet which should bring out better things in me. Readers, do you have someone (or a lot of someones) who inspire and motivate you? I would love to hear about it if you are willing to share. Well, I am off to clean the apartment, fold the laundry and prep some chicken for the grill for dinner. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual…enjoy your day!