Life has been pretty boring for me with the scaling back of contact with Sister Someone and ignoring only the biggest of news from the Land of Happier Than I Have Ever Been. Life has been peaceful and calm, but for some reason, I am short tempered and just not dealing well with bullshit. At first, I was wondering why but I am going to attribute it to the fact that I am no longer feeling as if I am less than or people pleasing or feeling that I somehow fall short because I stand out. I am no longer having the time or patience to deal with anything or anyone that is not contributing to or complementing my happiness and I am putting my foot down with things I can control and/or no longer exerting efforts or worry to things that truly are not within my control. You know what? It feels GOOD and I am wondering why I have never done this before.
Let me start with Chef: You all know I love him and I consider him to be a great friend. Yes, he claims he will not loan me money or put me up should it come to that but I know (and he does too) that he will not let me be homeless or hungry. But lately he has been telling me all kinds of trivial bits of info about him…how horrible him looks, how him is nerve-wracking and then to top it all off…Chef is insistent on “training” me on how to behave/act when him returns. First thing…nobody knows what will happen with a return or reconciliation and I have enough hope (still) stored away somewhere that I am working on channeling and re-directing into other areas of my life…I do not need more. IF the man returns, we can do a quick rundown…until then, I am not going to be preparing for something that will more than likely not come to pass. Second, ONLY if the man has lost his house, job or marriage do I want to hear anything. The only other exception is if him and/or BTH pull anymore WTF stunts. Him has already lost his mind and money, and while it was entertaining seeing the man (in less than a year) go from telling everyone how happy he is and how marriage to the BTH is the best.thing.ever. to losing the ability to speak to people or maintain eye contact and unable to buy himself lunch and apparently dress himself… I am no longer interested in what him is wearing (although the sweatpants and dress shoes was interesting), how him is looking (we know, we know…terrible)…frankly, at this point, I don’t care unless it is over the top. Seriously.
Another thing that happened this week that I simply did not have time or patience for was a comment from a male reader on my post about what I want in a man. The reader basically told me that I was searching for a pipe dream with the qualities/characteristics and would need to compromise or prepare to be alone and disappointed. I was a little taken aback that someone would shoot down what is not a lot to ask for: respectful, intelligent, monogamous, caring and with a sense of humor….but I chalk it up to this dude being pissed he could not check off one box on the list, or perhaps life has worn him down so much he still holds onto the expectation that everyone will let him down at some point. Who knows? All I know is no one is going to penetrate my bubble of happiness and optimism…I refuse to hold onto the pain, hurt and negativity. I am not going to be bitter and miserable while calling it realistic and trying to make everyone else the same way. I know who I am and what I have to offer….someone else will also.
Remember my issues with the IRS? I swear, they are going to make me draft a plan to overthrow the government right after I put a bullet in Married Man’s brain. And now I have to retract both statements before I have the FBI, MPD and PG County police at my door for issuing threats against citizens and Uncle Sam. It is just that this particular situation is incredibly frustrating on three levels….first, anger at myself for trusting a known liar and coward (and EX-boyfriend whose advances I rejected); second, anger at said ex-boyfriend who has left me holding the bag (yet again) and having to clean up his mess and third, at the IRS itself. Their payment plans are the only plans I have ever been on where the more you pay, the more you owe. I pay more than the minimum amount (they want $35, I give them $50) every month but the fees, penalties and interest total $100/month. So really, my money does nothing…but I pay them. Well, I get a certified letter from the IRS this week …and you know that is not a good thing. In the letter they say I defaulted on the payment agreement (they are terminating it) and I owe them pretty much $700 IMMEDIATELY. They also plan to levy my state taxes as of August 12th….and all I can say is more power to you. The state took their taxes this year (just as the Feds took their refund) because I owed them also. So if you want to waste time and money sending me certified letters until I file taxes for 2012…go for it. I have no $700, I did not default on the agreement (mailed the payment off 4/24 and Sister Someone is a witness) and really…I am done worrying about this crap. Either find the payment I sent you or cool your heels until tax refund season rolls around again.
The last thing that happened this week is the job interview I had. THIS has me ready to wash my hands of stupid people once and for all but some people hide their stupidity very well. And it is partly my fault….the interview was with a temp agency who saw my resume on Career Builder and the woman who called said she thought I would be perfect for an upcoming Executive Admin position. I checked them out online and even read yelp reviews and the yelpers told the story: the agency was cheap and bottom of the barrel. I debated right then and there whether I should still go, but I went against my gut instinct and decided to give it a shot. Well, the interview SUCKED. The agency pays only $10/hour regardless of assignment (although once in awhile, they do get $12/hour jobs); she wanted me to come in 2 hours a day, 5 days a week to be “on call” while she used me as a volunteer worker to assist the office with filing and typing. No sleeveless tops or blouses and dresses and skirts MUST be at least 30 inches in length and they offer no direct deposit as they say it is too costly. I knew right then and there this was NOT the place for me, but I believe in finishing what was started so I continued with the interview. Next up was the skills assessment…
I passed the clerical test (spelling, filing, proofreading) with 100% ; Powerpoint 2007 with 70% (and have used it maybe 3 days in my life); Excel 2007 with 85% and Word 2007 with 92%….and type 50wpm. At first, everything was great until I told her I had issues with the pay and the “on call” arrangement. THEN this heifer says her clients require these scores in the advanced arena and I am only intermediate and she has no idea how to market me or my skills to her clients.. My thought on that statement was even as an intermediate, with those scores, I still outshine her and frankly, if the economy were better, she would be sitting across from me, not vice versa. She further says my resume shows instability because I have been temping for the past 3 years…yet, all of my temp assignments (except the last one which lasted 4 months) lasted over a year each. She asked me why had I not been made permanent anywhere and I told her: they are TEMP agencies…just like hers was a temp agency and no one is guaranteed a permanent job via the agencies any longer. I then asked her if she could guarantee permanent placement…and got a blank stare in response. Then I told her amazing how she was so gung-ho over my resume and my scores until I would not go along with her program, and that is when I left before I just cursed her out.
I think the common thread amongst these incidents this week was the fact that I am trying…so hard…to do the right things. I am staying away from him, I am visualizing what is best for me in a man/partner, I am accepting responsibility and paying on time and with the interview…I was dressed professionally and showed up not on time, but early. Even had all the paperwork completed and printed out on good paper before I got there. And it would seem that in every instance I was thwarted or knocked down….the old me would wonder why the hell I even continue to do the right thing, but the new me knows why. Because when the dust clears, I won’t be the bad guy. I won’t be the one at fault or having to retract statements…no need to defend yourself when you stand up for yourself beforehand and in the right way. So I steer conversations in different directions with Chef, I hold fast to what I want in a person…as for the IRS, what can I do? They terminated the agreement, I did not default and the job interview? Not the first or the last and obviously not the place for me and I am okay with all of it.
As always, thanks for stopping past and reading about my are you kidding me week and as usual….enjoy your day! And wishing all of my female readers a most wonderful Mother’s Day weekend.