Keeping My Distance

Before I get started with my second letter,  have to tell you all…I have heard back from The Romantic Date. I was floored…I honestly figured it was just a one-time thing but he sounds promising. He told me he has been thinking and dreaming of my soft kisses, tender touch and beautiful eyes. He did not mention how beautiful I was (obviously an oversight) but he does want to see me again, and he wants it to be a full-fledged date.  I am thinking that would be nice.

Now, my second letter…it is to Sister Someone (again, is anyone surprised?). Let me state now that yes, she is still a member of the Panel but like we do with Cuz and Buddy…she will be left alone until she is ready to change her situation and that may never happen, and for real, she needs to change her mindset also. She is so blinded by her need to realize her dream of a family and so ruled by her lust for Brother Everything, she is endangering herself, her child and her job/finances. But, she is not going to listen to anyone….if you tell her what she does not want to hear, she tunes you out. According to her, she is in her joy and she is living her life to please herself, not others. I give it 4-6 weeks before her alternate personality comes forth to cry and ask what happened and how did she end up here.

Dear Sister:

This letter is actually an apology. After a lot of thinking and discussion, I have come to the conclusion that all the frustration and anger and hair pulling you have caused me/us is our fault. Not yours. See, the way I see it is you never asked us for anything: no advice, no wisdom and no guidance. You simply tell us what you are doing…you are not seeking approval or wondering if you are doing the right thing. You are just talking….and we are the ones who see the need to point out all that is wrong. We don’t mean to do it but we are all here to get better and healthier….mentally, emotionally and maybe even physically (Artsy Craftsy lost those 30 pounds!!), so when we hear the utter stupidity that comes out of your mouth, we say stuff to combat it. Sue us.

We forget that YOU are not the person we brought onboard to the Panel…your alter ego is. Your alter ego was in need of guidance, wisdom and people who understood what it was to always attract the wrong man and to always end up as Superwoman and Ultimate Doormat no matter how much we promised ourselves we would not fall into that trap again. Your alter ego is smart, funny, insightful and caring. Then Brother Everything came along and who in the hell knows what you have done to her or with her. Did she know you were waiting within, just wanting a chance to pounce and be free or are you a surprise to everyone involved?

You are selfish and sneaky and manipulative. You do things and tell us…for what? You are blind, deaf and dumb all over  a man who could care less about you.  You may not wish to believe that…after all, you think I am a bitter chick who wants everyone to be bitter and single and you are so far from the truth. I want all  who I care for and love to have as much happiness as possible with minimal pain/heartbreak.  When you told me about how you had given the man a year’s salary and a new car, I should not have told you that was the dumbest thing I had ever heard of as you simply wanted to tell someone what you were doing to keep your man happy. When you begged him and manipulated him into moving in, snatched the car back (only to give it back) and thrust him into the roles of Daddy and Husband and I warned you it would backfire…I apologize for trying to be a friend who cared. Forgive me for having already walked down that road…giving loser men money and trying to change them into what they aren’t. See, I thought I would try and help save you from the heartbreak he ultimately gave you despite you being the best girlfriend ever and so much better than The Ex.

When he left you so abruptly the day after Christmas and after 2 months of cohabitation, that is when your alter ego returned…for about a week. Then you surfaced again, and have been hellbent on realizing YOUR dream at the expense of all others…and you want us to tell you that what you are doing is okay. As friends, we cannot…but as an audience, we are more than willing to sit back and watch this crap blow up in your face.

See, if I and the Panel were your friends (which apparently you are not looking for), we would tell you that The Ex was the one to leave this time around and you are simply a means to an end until he can either drain you completely dry financially or win The Ex back. As your friends, we would point out to you that your dream man is in his mid-40s and does not even have a rental apartment that he can stick a key in the lock and call it his if only for 30 days, that his bank account is only 6 months old or that you are providing him with his only mode of transportation. Friends would point out that only the week before he moved in, he had you jumping through hoops and could not be bothered with you unless you were paying him or buying him something. But, as your audience and sounding board…we can keep the secrets and not say a word and no one is frustrated.

But before I backburner you and become a spectator,  let me say one last thing as a friend….get a grip, girl! The man has you not being able to pick up either of your phones, has you putting your son second and alienating everyone who cared about you. You no longer talk to friends and if your family doesn’t approve of BE (and they don’t…they see what we see)…you want them to get the hell out of your life. Yet, when he leaves you again (please join me in the Bitter and Single circle, won’t you?), you will be crying and scrambling to get everyone to help you get back on track and I am not sure anyone will be there. If people do come back, it will be different because you have already shown us your ass to kiss and where your priorities lie.

I will also ask you to not adopt another child…please. You can barely handle the one you have and let’s face it: with emotional baggage, potential mental issues, your incessant need to please the no-good men you invite into your life and the denial/delusion you carry around…it is definitely not a good thing. I am not even going to get into the fact you would be doing it for all the wrong reasons…because Brother Everything said to do it. Please stop wrapping yourself so completely up in a man and when he leaves…let him go and STAY GONE. I know you say it hurts so badly without him, but better for him to hurt you once than the hundred times he does when you chase him and try to drag him back. Get some self-respect and self-esteem so your self-image is not reflected by the fact you have a man, no matter how doggish he is.

And that’s all…the Panel and I will step back from friend mode and become mere observers while you live your life and revel in your joy of finally having a family. Enjoy it.






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