I am in need of cigarettes and sleep…spring cleaning is freaking exhausting but for now, is done. The closet alone took 2 days, resulting in 2 bags of trash and clothing to be tossed, a bag chock full of donations and still…too many clothes and too little closet space. My vacuum cleaner is busted (apparently I take cleaning seriously) and I am hoping my new one gets here really quickly. I can smoke cigarettes (and am charging up my e-cig to see if it works without maiming me for life as I type), but am afraid to hit the bed because my dishwasher is sounding like a tractor stuck in mud and my apartment can flip into DeathTrap2000 mode whenever it feels like it…did I ever tell you all about the time Buddy came to visit and the dishwasher started smoking while we were trying to duct tape the bathtub and it wasn’t even on?
So while I am sitting here waiting to see if I need to grab my laptop and my rag doll Annie rushing to save myself after calling the fire department, I am thinking now is a good time to talk about a few things that have happened…thank goodness I have all this newfound peace, contentment and overall satisfaction with life because crazy waits in the corners all the time.
First, Nebraska is back. I would think after last year, I would not hear from him again. I am not sure if I told you guys about his return last year….can anyone spell disaster? The man returns year after year …after me NOT seeing him anymore after our week-long one night stand back in 2007, wanting to see me and have some fun. He missed me, wanted to be with me again…he thinks of me and it could be a wonderful thing. We could have meals and talk and none of what fucked things up the one time we were together. Except last year, I was in so much pain and hurt…I couldn’t have seen the man if he were a paying customer (another reason I saw no need for us to get together again). And after hearing about my heartbreak, he says that I need to know he is married and has two children.
DUDE…WHY would you think I need to know that? You are not my boyfriend, my long distance lover or anything like that. Like I told him, the one person I needed truth and honesty from could not be bothered to give it and the one person I could care less about their personal status wants to dump and come clean. So I told him I was not up for anything…and then…in true “I’m a clueless moronic idiot” mode, he suggests I just come over, suck him off and go home. HE just wants a release. SERIOUSLY??? I am not going to tell you the people pleaser in me almost considered going over there just so he would not be angry or disappointed in me, but I put the brakes on that one REAL quick. The dude is married with a family, lives 1300 miles away and only contacts me once a year. And this year is no exception….he has emailed stating he will be in town for 3 weeks this time (versus his usual one week) and this time around, we can do it up. Dinners, sleepovers, I can show him DC nightlife…we can be a couple for the short term. He misses me, please forgive him…let’s try again, and everything will be fresh. I cannot comment to this at all…the same man who though the question “have you had dinner” was a marriage proposal now wants us to be a couple and do things, including spending the night? It makes my head hurt in a Sister Someone kind of way.
Secondly….Quiet One has gone crazy in a convoluted way and I have had my fill of crazy, complications and convolutions. For real….AND I am changing her name to Not-So Quiet One. I am not quite sure why she is going crazy, but I already know she is pissed I was considering buying him a birthday present. She calls me up (first clue she was beside herself over that tidbit), telling me she has talked to Chef. She wants to know WHY I still remember the man’s birthday…that piece of knowledge and him should be long gone out of my life. Him does not care, never cared and I am looking foolish. Wow…and this is from my friend. Once I could speak again, I had to remind her that of course I remembered him’s birthday…besides having a history with the man, knowing him in ways no one ever has or ever will and knowing him on all the levels I do…the memories, the knowledge is not going to just vanish. I may remember this man for the rest of my life…and not only is that okay, I am okay with that. Even when the past reaches out to suck me under into the quicksand that was us…I can handle it today. I no longer worry about how to get a whole lot better in as short amount of time as possible…I strive to find ways within my present reality to get a little bit better. Sure I wanted to buy him a present, but I did not. I am not that person today…I know now that the bumps in the road are not the end all and be all nor is it a relapse. It’s natural and I have people I can count on today (myself included) to keep me steady and bottom line: the man did not and is not getting a present from me this year. So why the bitching and moaning? Well, even that was not enough for Not-So Quiet One….she then stated I was not welcome back at the Island because I no longer had friends up there. She was no longer my friend and neither was Artsy Craftsy or Chef…and say what you will…I KNOW something is up. This chick knows none of them are coming to my side of the world, so why try to stop me from coming to the Island to see them and break bread with them? Not-So Quiet One says I will see him if I come up there, but I am no longer wishing to see him…the way I look at it now…him will be seeing me. Not sure how that is any different, but trust me, it is. I told her to just calm down…yes, I do think of him still… yes, I wanted to buy him a present…but I didn’t and I am no longer reaching out to the man. There have been no communications from me in over 6 months, regardless of how incredible his antics have been or how surreal the news. Him no longer interrupts my life and the intrusions have become distractions. I am okay and I am moving on and I really am happy without him…in fact, wondering if I was ever really happy with him. So we end the conversation being friends again (Artsy Craftsy and Chef are still my friends also) and then she tells me how horrible the man looks and how she has proof of financial ruin. REALLY, Quiet One?? You just bitch and berate me for still being hung up on the man, and tell me this? I swear, it is time for the Panel to have another group therapy session.
And my final piece of news: Oscar is pregnant. No, it is not a good thing. We have very few details as she is quieter than a church mouse at this point. The reaction has been pretty unanimous….Oh. My. God. Morning person is wondering just what that child was doing and thinking (besides the obvious), Tiger is greatly concerned, Artsy Craftsy is shaking her head and Cuz…Cuz says to put Oscar off the panel because she is obviously crazy and beyond our help. Really? From the man who goes crazy at the thought of a drop of a hat? If he can stay, Oscar can stay. First off, we are all pots and kettles and we are all black (you know what I mean)…second, the Panel is here to stay, dysfunction and all. NO ONE has the authority to say who stays or goes…not even me and it is my Panel. For better or worse, we are all here for each other through good times and bad. So I am wondering if I should make a trip to see Oscar….it has been a concern of mine for the longest that this child has too many unresolved issues and too much free time. She doesn’t listen and I have told you all before how she runs out there, does what she does and comes back looking for someone to make it right…make it better. How her antics are designed to capture Him Jr.’s attention and it would appear that this time around, it has completely backfired…nothing says moving on like having another man’s child. Trust me, someone will finally move it along (and it isn’t Oscar) and I am not sure if Oscar is ready to handle this and all it brings with it. Not sure how we will handle this piece of breaking news and the inevitable fallouts and meltdowns, but the more information we have to work with, the better.
Okay so , I have talked enough…and the dishwasher did not explode or catch fire. YAY! I will be back soon with a post about the latest crop of WTF mutually beneficial arrangement applicants. As always, thanks for stopping past and reading and as usual….enjoy your day!