It is so hard to believe that in less than 2 days (or is it only one day), 2011 will be over. I swear, it feels I was just telling you all yesterday about the Panel’s resolutions (or lack thereof) for 2011.It feels as if the year has flown by (forget the days that would never end) and we have made the journey that was 2011 together: me, the Panel, and you…the readers. SO much has happened along the way: we have laughed so hard our sides hurt and we have cried gallons upon gallons of tears. We have fought and argued; kissed and made up; we have stumbled and made great strides. We have lived this year and I would like to just review some of the most memorable highlights (or is that lowlights?) of the year with you, so please join me on a trip down memory lane…
We Had A Baby! Okay, “we” didn’t…. Pregnant One/New Mommy did…but we all have different jobs, tasks and responsibilities on the Panel…and having a baby was hers. Of course, at some point, Oscar and Artsy Craftsy may pitch in and take some of that responsibility off her shoulders, but for 2011….New Mommy took the hit for the team. And we all adore and love our little KBugg. That baby is a joy, a delight and future heartbreaker. Oh, did we mention she is also a hellion with natural leadership abilities (I call them future control issues but what do I know?) and a budding genius?
We Made New Friends: We gained three new Panel members: Tiger, whom I just adore….we have talks about random things, day to day stuff but my favorites are when we take turns in the therapist chair with each other. He is patient and insightful and will be the first to say he just doesn’t know what the hell is going on. We brought UTA onboard and she is awesome…so awesome, her blog is now an official survival guide tool to getting through a breakup. Finally, a member with credentials…she has just become our Officially Licensed Therapist. And Sister Someone snuck onboard some kind of way and she came as a package deal by dragging Brother Everything with her….and it was suggested by a reader that we kick her off the Panel and see how much easier we all breathe once we do. Trust us, this has been discussed as a group and among individual members….and we have come damned close, but besides the fact that the chick needs a support group at the very least and her alter ego is not nearly as crazy, she makes the rest of us feel really great and is if we are living picture perfect, well put together lives. We gained new readers who so far have not run away kicking and screaming. We have Adam who is on family vay-cay this week but whom I am hoping will share more advice and insight with us when he returns…and we have Loco Rico, whom I am keeping all to myself for the time being. He is a chat buddy with some issues he wants to confront but is not sure if he is ready to face what lies beyond that…so in the meantime he tells me how awesomely wonderful and drop dead gorgeous I am. Oh, and he loves my writing, so I may keep him regardless.
We Visited Strange Places: Who needs to plan a trip anywhere? With the process and my Panel, we have been to some off the map places. Places such as The Land of Happier Than I Have Ever Been, The Town of I Just Did NOT Hear That, The Place Where Conversations Never Happened, Left Field, The Twin Cities of Denial and Delusion and spent a lot of time stuck at the Intersection of Stupid and Seriously?
We Had Health Scares…and Loss: Busy Bee underwent heart surgery, Bell Pepper had thyroid surgery and a blood cell count scare. Both Oscar and myself had pregnancy scares …and Morning Person lost her mother.
Him Got Married: This is the one that had jaws dropping and tears flowing. It was too much for me and spun me even deeper into a depression that was already never-ending. After all, HIM was getting MARRIED…and not to me. It was a worst case scenario I told myself I was prepared for, but I really wasn’t. I was placed under a murder-suicide watch, but what could I do? Him made a choice and I don’t have to like it or respect it, but I did have to accept it…and once I realized that this wasn’t a reality to be manipulated or sugar coated….it became…him’s getting married. I sound blasé and indifferent about it now, but 5 months ago, you could not pay me enough to act as if I didn’t care.
We Met the BTH: We had seen pictures, we had our theories…hell, we had him’s attitude and demeanor to go by, but when she burst onto the scene with her emailing and petty putdowns…Sweet Jesus Come Please Us. Who she is on the inside comes out and across loud and clear…she may be able to work weave and makeup to come across externally as not unattractive (still not pretty), but on the inside and out of costume…I have her looking as if someone set her face and soul on fire and put the fire out with a sack of nickels. She is rude, disrespectful, ignorant and completely inappropriate. I have nothing against her, but I do not like her and not because him chose her over me…because she wants to holler about her husband and her interests but perhaps if she learned to be a wife, an email from me saying goodbye to him would not be a threat to her or her marriage. Is that mean and bitchy? Doesn’t matter because it’s staying in.
We Made Strides/Had Setbacks: We climbed out of depressions… finally (Morning Person was tired of seeing my clothes in the middle of the floor when she came over for Saturday morning chat and chews); we made good on promises made last year (no way was this fiasco snatching another holiday season from me) and we got better. On the flip side, I slid back into behaviors that we thought him had put a stop to, but since it seems to be keeping me stable and not so financially dependent on other people, no one is saying anything too negative. Oscar, however, has relapsed…and she knows it. She says she is sorry but it is what it is and don’t hate her. Sister Someone has been a setback from Day One and shows no signs of taking a step forward anytime soon.
We Appreciated Little Things: Being able to sleep through the night; waking up with no hurt in our heart or dread in the tummy. Being able to roll with the punches life delivers without upping our meds. Laughing. Not wondering what was going on with other folks every minute of every day. Chocolate. Caring friendships. Yummy pasta and other good foods. Cooking. Hot showers. Little things that bring comfort and let us know we are healing and one day the sun will shine on us again…we found those things this year.
We Learned Words of Wisdom:
- All of us are fucked up…the ones you think aren’t are simply not dealing with a personal crisis at the moment.
- Every once in a while…..you need to stick with the one who loves you versus being with the person you love.
- Whatever is meant to be will be…but first you have to leave it be.
- There is a fine line between being accepted and being taken advantage of.
- When someone is not carrying their weight, don’t carry it for them.
- Admitting you have issues is not the same as working on them
And this is 2011 in a nutshell….thanks so much for you, the readers, for sticking around and I am hoping you will be with us for 2012….processes are still going on, and who knows what we will get into or who we will meet? There will be new laughter, new tears and ongoing drama….we would love to share it with you. Before the New Year gets here though, I am hopeful about a new job opportunity (fingers crossed I hear something back before the weekend) and making tentative plans for NYE….an 80s retro party which I think would be fun. I just hope I have the guts and mindset to actually be a part of the celebration versus watching others celebrate.
This is will be the last blog post this year…I will return New Year’s Day with a new blog to hopefully kick start the New Year in an emotionally healthy way. Enjoy your weekend, have a safe and happy New Year’s Eve and we will talk again in 2012.