I am working on the blog post for cancer (promise I am) but decided to take a break and blog out a few minor updates and a possible regression. Well, not quite a regression as I have not acted on anything (yet)….remember the open letter missive that I didn’t want to send to him? The one I had no desire to send? Well, NOW I want to send it. I have no idea why…maybe to tell him I am getting over him? Why tell him that…he doesn’t care. Maybe to give him a chance to approach me honestly for once? Again, why….for all I know he has been honest and truthful all along about his happiness and it is simply the aging of his face that gives him that sad sack look, not unhappiness in his home. And if he did respond the way I want him to, I wouldn’t believe him as him has now been branded a liar in my book. Maybe to tell him I am healthier and happier and I know he was unworthy? Okay, he won’t care about the first part and the last part will only confirm that I am a hurtful, hateful bitch who does not know when to let go and leave things alone. I don’t know…for some reason I feel he needs to read/hear one last (yeah, right) missive from me and I called on Oscar to talk me out of this stupid stunt I want to pull….she is doing a bang up job so far and I am listening to her. I am impulsive and probably giving into emotion versus listening to logic and quite honestly, Oscar felt it was too beautiful and touching to waste on him who will either not read between and beneath the lines and ignore it or come back with some off the wall crap that will start the war back up. We are processing and progressing…no need in looking backwards…we are headed forward.
Okay, that is out of the way….I have been having a ball making my holiday plans. Mama wants me to come down for Christmas and she wants me to make a glazed ham and some potato salad…Daddy will handle the rest of the menu and after dinner, we are planning to go see a movie at the theaters. Not sure which one…Sherlock Holmes is our first choice, but maybe we will go see J. Edgar. I really want to see that movie and so do my parents. I can hold off on seeing it to wait for them and treat myself to Tower Heist this weekend. Thanksgiving, I am super excited about…I really do love to cook and this is how I know I am finally coming together and getting back to being me…the thought of tasty dishes and seeing friends and family enjoy my efforts has me as excited as a kid at Christmas. This is the year that personally, it is beginning to turn around for me. There is a saying: when love goes wrong, nothing goes right…but times heals and reveals. You have to love yourself before you can love another…and I am falling in love with me again. I am working to break bad behaviors such as people pleasing and procrastination. I am working on more than surface shit…I have issues that need to be addressed and dealt with and I am only the person who can address and correct them. I no longer wish to be considered the expendable one. I deserve so much more than that and it is time to show people how to treat me in the manner I treat them…with lots of love and respect. Now that the worse of the heartbreak is over, it is time to step up and prepare myself for the next steps…who knows what they will be or where they will lead? I think I am ready to find out.
Next update…I have a job interview!! So excited about that but nervous as hell. I definitely want something long term and this potential assignment promises that. It would be close to home (one bus ride and under 30 minutes commuting time) and it would be a steady, stable income. I am nervous because interviews are where you sell yourself and I have never considered myself a good salesperson but I am going to take a deep breath, actually be on time and just be me. Take it or leave it, love it or hate it. And can you believe I am actually a little miffed that I have an interview? Really, I am trying to enjoy my unemployment as best I can and between tooth pain, short term temp assignments, processing and screening potential dating partners (mutually beneficial and otherwise) …I am so not sleeping in and chomping down Chinese food while watching Grey’s in the afternoon.
Before I wrap this up and get back to housecleaning and my other blog post I want to share this with you…the story has me and the Panel members who know about it either laughing our asses off even though it is not funny or shaking heads. Probably both. Sister Someone’s kid has been showing out at school…first it was temper tantrums, then falling asleep in class. Now apparently he is trying out for class clown…..the child told his class that he “eats his mommy’s panties” and of course, Sister Someone was summoned to the school to be informed of this….she properly scolded the child but was up at 3am wondering why her child wants to be known as a panty eater. I have no answers for her but suggested that maybe she find out where he heard the phrase….I sincerely hope that is not a phrase being passed around kindergarten playgrounds during recess.
So, I have managed to get all the little things off my chest before they could become big things which is a good thing. Now I am off to do some housecleaning, laundry and more blogging. Enjoy your day!