The extended holiday weekend is over, I am down to my last plate of leftovers  and I have done more than my share of feeding the hungry and needy. Seriously, I had people coming to my house up until 10pm Saturday night and at first I was miffed and a little taken aback…Mini-Me actually asked if I would allow her to take home a week’s worth of food after saying my greens were “crunchy”. I will have everyone know I have not made crunchy greens in over 4 years!  AND, this is from a woman who cooks a turkey for 2 hours and pronounces it “done”… but this is what I wanted: to share my bounty with others and feed them yummy food. To spend time with them and talk and reminisce and I got to do that not only for one day but for three. So I am retracting my earlier Facebook status of Thanksgiving being trick or treat for adults…it was just what I wanted and needed, even if it went on a little too long.

Okay, on to the blog post…and it is a Sister Someone entry so it will be long, revealing and ranting and venting will be mixed in….again. All I know is this chick has so much drama coming fast and furiously, it makes the head spin. I may have to change the name of the blog and call myself Sister Someone’s biographer or something. Of course, I shall do all of this before hurling myself out of a ground floor window in an effort to escape the shitstorm that her life has become in less than a year. Best thing is it takes our minds off of our drama and turmoil, if only for a minute. Bear with me while I try to figure out where to start…I left us with a he said/she said that UTA declares null and void as they are both still together…regardless of who said what.

But let me give you a little bit more background information before we continue with the soap opera: remember in my previous blog post I told you guys about SS’s demotion at work? Well, Brother Everything played a role in that: when SS was still a supervisor, she trusted the man with confidential information about one of her employees…and the man promptly spread it around her office and made sure it got back to SS’s supervisors. And this conflicts me…a part of me wants to shake her, pry her eyes open and commiserate with her, but the other part of me remembers that Sister Someone was MY supervisor at the last assignment and it was SHE who let my name fall from her lips when it came time to make cuts. In her efforts to ensure Brother Everything got promotions, raises and kept his job (yes, they work in the same office and yes, BE is a contractor but not in her department) , she threw me under the bus and apparently has let it be known I had an attitude and was desperately unhappy there. I have no verification of the last part of that statement and of course, she will not admit that she was the one who had the authority to get rid of any contractor…in fact, she still calls me to ask me questions and tell her how to do things and to bitch and moan about the remaining admin who simply aren’t me….but yes, I am unemployed as a direct result of her actions. I hold no ill will…trust me, she is getting hers back in spades and from both ends and I am able to separate the personal from the professional…hence my liking her alternate personality which got her onto the Panel and my frustration at Sister Someone.

Resuming the narrative: Let’s start with Thanksgiving Day….the brood was due to show up after visiting her family and his mama…so we decided that I would not see them (if at all after 2 turkey stops) around 5:30. Mind you, my dinner was supposed to start at 3 (which translates to 3:30 my time)…I had already had a cancellation call from Mini-Me, confirmation calls from other invited guests including Sis-Sis and had my “you can do this and do it in time” speech from Mommy; so seeing a call from the front door at 1pm had me puzzled. I answered the phone and it was Sister Someone, Brother Everything and the kid at my front door….and I was beyond pissed! Seriously, WHO shows up for Thanksgiving dinner 2 hours early and 4 hours before their scheduled arrival time? I tell them they are early and I am NOT ready and she says okay…and did exactly what she did when she wanted me to baby-sit and I refused…those idiots waited for a neighbor to come into the building and followed them in and proceeded to knock on my door as if they lived here and I locked them out!

I am not going to say much about the unexpected arrival: they caught me knee deep in boiling potatoes of various colors, a turkey that was still too pale for me, an apartment that was a wreck and me looking like 2 day old dried crap on a stick. They were all dressed in gray and black, had a hungry child and brought their own alcohol (a six pack of Blue Moon and a bottle of $6 wine) that got gone soon after they got here. The interesting thing about her arrival was she wanted…no, needed  to talk about the latest development with Brother Everything and I am going to give you the entire tale. Remember, when she met the man, he had a girlfriend that he was living with…the whys and wherefores of his leaving her to live with his mother are unclear to us as he never provided reasons or details, but we find out Brother Everything has kept.his.key to the apartment he shared with the ex. Okay, bear with me here as I attempt to relate the extremely convoluted tale that had Morning Person looking at me with her mouth hanging open. Okay, according to what BE has told SS (and  WHY he even felt the need to bring this up, we will never know), the ex had been missing since the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. According to the daughter, the ex was supposed to ride with her up to NYC for the holiday  but never showed up. He was privy to this information because the woman’s daughter called him and asked had he seen her? He says he hadn’t but went to the apartment Tuesday, Wednesday and the day after Thanksgiving to make sure the ex was not dead in the apartment  and also to see if she had returned. MY question was why did he still have a key to the ex’s apartment…BE’s response was everything (furniture, dishes, etc.) belonged to him and he still had clothes there. At this, I am looking at Sister Someone who had this look on her face that looked like a cross between smelling dirty diapers and holding back tears. I asked BE why he did not move everything when he moved the first time into his mama’s house but his only answer was to say he had clothes at the ex’s, at mama’s and a few at Sister Someone’s…and this raised a red flag to me. WHY are your possessions and belongings spread all over the place? If I am leaving stuff at a place, I am planning to return…and no one is faulting the man for having an escape route in case Sister Someone ever finds some common sense and throws his ass out, but to be so blatant about it?

So in any case, the man still has a key to the ex’s apartment and the entire two weeks he has been at Sister Someone’s, he has gone out at least 4 evenings a week, staying gone for hours at a time. When BE first heard of the ex’s disappearance, he was unable to sleep or eat…he drank more (if that is possible) and even went to the police station to file a missing persons report. And apparently SS saw nothing wrong with the woman’s daughter continuing with her holiday plans with her mother possibly missing and her man (the woman’s ex) not sleeping, eating and trying to involve the police. Well, to cut to the chase, the ex re-surfaced Saturday and said she had been in NYC with her family which sparked a huge argument between the ex and BE and ended with BE saying he was going over there to “set this straight”(set WHAT straight? She is your EX!) , but SS calmed him down and told him to just go over there one day at lunch, get his stuff and leave. She stated she would not be going with him because she would not disrespect the ex by showing up at her door…and here I have to break in and just wonder aloud why she feels that sleeping with BE and giving him gifts, money and food while BE was with the ex is NOT disrespectful? In any case, BE stated that he would not be returning there and SS would simply have to replace his wardrobe…hell, she could afford it. He has not gotten rid of the key to the apartment and swears he is no longer speaking with the ex, but pretty much the majority of the Panel thinks the man has never broken it off with the ex and is still seeing her; his anxiety over her disappearance was jealousy, pure and simple.

Okay…now we come to the second conversation I had with SS…and I have to admit this talk was strange and has me wanting to go snatch the kid up and rescue him. Sister Someone is worried about her finances….in the two weeks BE has been there, she has spent almost $2,000 in food, alcohol, and house cleaning. Hell, she spent $200 on seafood alone because that is what BE wanted for dinner one night, $400 on carpet cleaning, she has been cleaning non-stop (we have seen the pictures of the house and it does look bad…very bad) and she is the one responsible for all the bills and keeping the gas tanks on the cars filled. She says the only thing BE does is come home from work, iron his clothes for the next day, drink beer, watch TV and take out the trash. He is supposed to pay her $100/week but he always manages to get out of paying it; I suggested she give him a couple of bills to be responsible for (I said groceries and electric since his presence will cause those two bills to increase) but she says what if he doesn’t follow through? They can’t be in the dark and hungry….she is now wondering if she is putting her all into a relationship that really will not work. Her energy is waning and she is tired of exerting too many efforts and not getting any help on his end…although BE helped her son carve a pumpkin. Not sure what that is supposed to mean in regards to heloing out around the house domestically and/or financially but to SS, it is a BIG deal. Oh, and let’s not forget, BE is the family driver and this is one of my concerns…the man drinks every day. He drinks at lunch, he drinks when he gets home, he drinks at other people’s houses…and SS sees nothing wrong with letting an impaired person drive her son all over the highways of the DMV….and I do not care about his tolerance level…impairment is impairment. My other concern is that SS is saying how hard it is to make it work with BE and having an active child is not helping the situation…it would be so much easier if there was no kid in the picture. I am going to say she is simply voicing her frustration at all of them having to adjust to a third person in the house and in their lives, but I am just not seeing anything good in that statement…whatever happened to package deal?

Now, are you guys still with me?? Trust me, we are nearing the end of the update (and I know your head is hurting right about now) and after all I have just told you do you know Sister Someone has gone out and brought Brother Everything a $1300 watch for Christmas and plans to propose marriage to him on Christmas Eve?? If he accepts, she will buy their engagement and wedding bands; if he refuses, he has to move out and return the watch but we all know that is not going to happen. I am not sure what to say to her at this point…she is worried about her finances but she has shelled out a total now of $3300 in two weeks on him…AND she is treating him to a mini-vaycay in Atlantic City (he is so in need of a break right now) soon.

And now, we are done…until the next installment. I will be back soon with new posts and in the meantime….take some more aspirin, be grateful this isn’t your drama and enjoy your day!




The Mother of All Dinners

Happy Thanksgiving, Readers! Apparently I have lost my mind as I am writing a blog post on the actual holiday…a holiday when I am the only cook! Definitely my choice…of all I have invited, I would say only two are decent cooks…maybe even good cooks. But my sis-sis is on a health tip and all about making Thanksgiving healthy and I want nothing low fat or Weight Watchers associated with my holiday meal. The other cook, Guardian Princess, is supplying desserts: sweet potato pie with cinnamon whipping cream and chocolate pound cake. My menu (all fresh and homemade) is below:

  • Turkey
  • Glazed Ham
  • Stuffing with Spicy Sausage and Cranberries
  • Albacore Tuna and Pasta Salad
  • Potato Salad
  • Macaroni & Cheese
  • Whipped Sweet Potatoes
  • Greens
  • Sodas/Water

Did I mention that it is now almost 10am and my dinner is at 3pm? I have laundry that needs to be folded and put away, the apartment needs to be cleaned and I STILL have not done anything potato related and the greens are in the sink waiting to be cleaned. I wrestled with that ham ( her name is Henrietta) for almost an hour last night….that is a BIG chick…she had to be glazed THREE times!  The turkey, which is still a very unhealthy shade of pale after an hour in the oven and his first basting, is at least starting to fill the house with smells of his butter and Italian dressing marinade. The tuna salad is ready but I am thinking it may not be enough…I used bowties versus elbows as the pasta. The  mac & cheese is ready for the oven and the stuffing is done.

So while I am being all Betty Crocker and stuff, I am thinking about the events of the past 24 hours and I am dealing with denial (Sister Someone’s) and resurrection (mine). I am going to start with Sister Someone…her job is in jeopardy. She has gotten a demotion ( she was a supervisor) and a less than satisfactory annual assessment and feels both were unjustified. I will say that the woman who has now assumed her duties is a not to be trusted backstabber, but I say SS gave the woman the tools. I told you guys before how Sister Someone gets all overwhelmed when she has actual work to do and will pawn it off on others…but then she will take credit for it when the work is correct and gets praise. Yeah, she is one of those who takes all the credit when you make her look good and dishes all the blame when you don’t. Not to mention the woman’s attendance is sporadic and erratic at best because of her son’s issues at school. So she is moaning and bitching about the demotion, but she still has a job. She still has her salary…seriously, if this is what causes a crisis for her, maybe she and I need to trade employment places. Less work, less responsibility and the same salary? I will take that in a heartbeat. Personally, she is still teaching her son to address Brother Everything as “daddy” and I told her that will only serve to backfire on her. STOP lying to her son, stop lying to herself…I was told to SHUT UP and let her live her dream. AND the three of them are coming to my place later for dinner and they will all be dressed alike. Heaven help us all.

As for me, my resurrection of feelings started with an innocent  remark by Oscar (who is battling impatience and discomfort) about the movie Breaking Dawn…something about when Edward asks Bella to marry him because she was the only one in thousands of years he found worthy enough to be his wife. And just.like.that. I was off on a tangent about why him did not/could not find me worthy enough of a stable relationship…bump the marriage. I had to catch my breath, I had to smoke cigarettes and I had to think this all the way through. The first thing I thought was this cannot happen. Not now, it can’t. THIS is not only Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday….it was also a celebration to show myself and those that matter what a difference a year and their love, support and encouragement makes. My second thought was based on him’s choices, I never stood a chance. I mean, what chance do I stand against a man who views disrespect as an aphrodisiac and whorish dress/behaviors as some sort of foreplay? I treat people with love, kindness, respect…I am open, friendly and can hold intelligent conversations on anything. I am also not looking to control anyone, especially someone who wishes to be either a trained monkey or to absolve all responsibility and/or accountability. Third, I remembered that him no longer has control over me or my emotions and that I really, truly and sincerely am in a better place without him. Without him, there is no uncertainty, no instability and no wondering. And that was when I knew I was no longer talking out of my ass, or trying to sound all healed and healthy to impress others…I really am better and happier and today is an official celebration!

So, I am going to finish the last three items on the menu (greens, sweet potatoes and potato salad), take some trash out, clean the apartment and try to have myself and the dinner ready in less than 5 hours. I am going to enjoy my family and friends and call up Busy Bee to call her a heifer for not bringing me one of her yummy sweet potato pies and hope that I have enough food for my guests as we break bread together over the Mother of All Dinners.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone and may you have a holiday to remember.  




Thanks for Giving

Hello, all! It is the day before Thanksgiving and really, what more can I handle today? I am overdrawn at the bank (Sweet Jiminy Cricket!) to the tune of fifty bucks! NO idea how it happened….and as it is every year I cook….nothing is nowhere being prepped, completed and I am wondering how in the world am I going to have everything ready in time for a 3pm dinner tomorrow, especially when I have to work 8 hours first. The fridge? CRAMMED with still mostly raw food, including a turkey that is still pale and unseasoned (trust me, that bird is quite white)  and a ham I have named Henrietta. Not one potato is peeled, no noodles are cooked and there are no yummy smells wafting from my kitchen. I am cursing a blue streak, wondering why I spent the equivalent of a month’s groceries on a meal that will last 3 days at most (if my guests stick to the one Tupperware rule) and vowing never to do this again. And as usual, I will have it all together (control issues are handy at times)  and it will be yummy and I will be so happy to have family and friends around me, I will do it all again at Easter (the Thanksgiving of spring).

This Thanksgiving, I want to not only give thanks but to thank others for giving. Blessings occur every day and we take so many of them for granted; we should be giving thanks every day, not just the 4th Thursday in November, but there is something about this holiday that tugs at my heart strings more than any other day….to cook for and share food with the people who mean so much to me; to put aside dysfunction and anger for one day while sharing and creating memories….I am tearing up just thinking about it. My sis-sis would say I am making too big a deal about it, but I really love this holiday and what it represents, so without further ado, here are things I am thankful for and people/things I am grateful to.

Thankful for: This year, I am thankful for my family: that they are all still here with me and in decent health: my parents, my siblings, my aunts and uncles, cousins, and the friends who have become family. I am thankful that although this has not been the best year financially or professionally, I am neither homeless nor hungry and in this economy and so many people looking for work, that I am the temp that gets the callbacks. I am thankful that this year, I am able to give back and perhaps help someone less fortunate than myself…there are so many lonely, hungry people in this area…I hope they go to the churches and shelters offering food and warmth. I am thankful that the process has brought to me a place of acceptance and being able to let go and find myself again. I am thankful for the gift of recovery and that I have held onto it and respected it for 9 ½ years. I am thankful to be able to handle life on life’s terms (most of the time). I am thankful for great neighbors. I am thankful to see another year. I am thankful for all the people in my life who care and love for me, who have faith in me even when I don’t believe in myself.

Thankful to: Top spot, hands down, goes to Reliable One….without his help I very well may be homeless. I am thankful to the Panel….they have all given up pretty much a year out of their lives to help me through a fiasco/ordeal I am almost ready to say was harder to survive than leaving addiction. How can I ever thank them enough or even begin to repay them? I am thankful to the process (which is still not over, but I am willing to wager the worst of it is)…yes, I know I am thankful for it also, but it has made ne a stronger, better and more truthful person. I am thankful to one of my aunts who has made sure I am not hungry by ensuring I have had a freezer full of food for the past three months. I am thankful to Guardian Princess who makes sure I have what I need to keep my health on the right side of healthy. I am thankful to Higher Powers and the Universe who have seen to it that I am surrounded by the most amazing people and that no matter how bleak things seem…I and my loved ones always reach the light at the end of the tunnel and find our pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

There are so many other things I am thankful for/to…trust me this list is simply the tip of the iceberg. What about you, readers? What are you thankful this year? I am wishing every one reading this post a most wonderful Thanksgiving….may it be filled with family, friends, football and lots and lots of yummy food, laughter and love.

Enjoy your holiday!!

Corporation T-Shirt. Stupid, Bloody Tuesday

Today, I am doing something different. I have a guest writer/aspiring blogger who I am going to call Iyi Bir Adam, which is Turkish for “good guy”. Don’t ask me to pronounce it…he chose it as his blog name on this site. He is a really great guy: funny, intelligent, likes my blogs and doesn’t have a laundry list of requirements for his chat buddies. He will be popping in occasionally to offer insight and advice to us single girls who want the inside scoop on what guys find sexy, what makes a girl a keeper in their books and pretty much how to keep the emotional health and balance in a relationship. Hopefully, he will do all this. We’ll see. His first post is not even relationship related (he says he needs to work on those a bit more), so in keeping with the randomness of this blog and in an effort to give us a pre-holiday break from crazy bitches and drama, please enjoy Iyi Bir Adam’s take on….T-shirts.

 Imagine for a moment that you are a part of a group. It could be your dorm floor at college, a family that is getting together for a reunion, or an after-work softball league. It doesn’t really matter what the group is for this exercise, so please, feel free to select whatever kind of group that you would like. Now, imagine that a well-meaning individual decides that its not enough for those in your group to know that you are a part of that group. They decide you all need to wear identical clothing so the whole group can, in one voice, proudly declare their affiliation with said entity. But instead of simply encouraging everyone to wear khaki pants, or red shirts and jeans, they decide to make things easier for you. They design a t-shirt to proclaim to the world that they are a part of THIS GROUP! And before you know it, you’re being posed into a picture like this.

Today I am talking about t-shirts. More specifically, the self-designed t-shirt. I must confess at the outset that I am not the biggest fan of them, though it is mostly because so many people do them so terribly. Mainly, because they don’t consult me. If you choose not to ask for my input on a shirt, then please, please, PLEASE take my advice and remember that less is more. 

My in-laws took this rule to heart for their family reunion t-shirt in 2002, with wonderful results. It was a simple white shirt with two green triangles together so it looked like mountains, with the family name and the year written in a light tan color, all fitting in about a 2 inch square over the heart. No big, dumb phrases on the back, or goofy/embarrassing pictures of some part of the family on the front.

My own family, on the other hand, did not learn this lesson, and for their 2005 reunion, had a navy blue t-shirt with 1 inch high writing in a single line across the chest, and another single line of one-inch text at the same height across the back. Very strange, very embarrassing. Thankfully, the message seems to have been properly conveyed, and we have not had a t-shirt at our family reunions since then.

But, dear readers, I trust that you are smart enough to handle more than one rule if you are going to design a t-shirt. (just as a refresher, if you ignore everything else I say, remember that less is more–minimal writing/graphics should be your default.) So here are other things that you should know about designing your own t-shirt.

First, make sure that the shirts will be printed on something comfortable. Like trying to make a paper airplane out of cardstock, many a good t-shirt idea has been ruined by printing it on t-shirts that are too thick and heavy. Your goal in selecting material is two-fold: A) you want people to forget that they are wearing a self-designed shirt; B) you want the shirt to be comfortable enough that they would choose to wear it on days that they aren’t doing activities with the group that designed the shirt.

A second issue with the shirt itself is color. You want it to be something that extremely fashion-conscious people can match outfits with without having to go out and buy anything more (read, no lime green, fuchsia, or lavendar). In my personal opinion, white, red, or grey are the safest choices. However, the color should correspond well with the subject matter of the shirt. Is it a gardening club? In that case, you could live life on the edge and go with something in a light yellow. Flag football team…not so much.

Which brings us to the third important aspect of t-shirt design–content. What is it you’re going to put on your shirt? Will you include a graphic of some sort, or just words? Or will you be sneaky and shape the words into some sort of picture? One problem with the picture is that most places will charge you per color of ink used. This can make things really expensive, really fast. If an image is going to be used, it should be simple, and amusing. In fact, that is the rule for anything that goes on the shirt–make it amusing. If it were going to be serious, it would have been made into a polo shirt. And, just in case you’re wondering, shirts with white-trash slogans on them (i.e. “no money, no honey,” “you say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing,” or “don’t hate me because I’m sexy, hate me because your boyfriend thinks so”) are not amusing.

Amusing content are things that the group finds especially funny, but that the larger population of those without the shirt can understand. A shirt that says, “Ceeboo!!!” may be funny to the people who saw the normally quiet and reserved person singing a song about a cebu, but wearing that shirt on the street is just going to get strange looks from people.

So, as you set out to design your own t-shirt, remember these rules:

1. choose a soft shirt
2. choose a good color (white, red, grey)
3. be amusing, not stupid with the content.

Or, if you can’t remember those:

4. think minimalist–less is more.

Crowded House

THIS is a Sister Someone post, so you know what that means. Grab your snacks, your aspirin and prepare for another novella. I am just going to jump right in and pick up where we left off in the post Insignificant Other… because really, does this chick even need an introduction anymore?  

So I left off with Sister Someone embarking on a dating game…it did not last long and lasted only one date. To her credit, she had two lined up…from the (to quote UTA) “skid row of online dating sites”, Craigslist. The first guy sounded really great on paper…he was tall, independent/employed, had two cars, a motorcycle, owned a condo, was a single father and a Redskins fan. He was looking to start slow and was looking for a good woman who wanted a good man. Sister Someone read the ad three times, had me read it twice and then she responded. Dude responded back and things started slowly (he was not quick in responding to emails) and after a few cool exchanges, dropped the bomb: he was a registered sex offender (statutory rape but not his fault…he was 24, the girl was 14 but lied and told him she was 19)…MAJOR red flag, but it was almost 15 years ago and the man had a child of his own. Sister Someone decided that happy hour meeting would not be too big a step, so they made arrangements. Except Dude emails the day before to say there had been a fire in his condo complex and his apartment was ruined with water damage and would be staying at a hotel for a week before moving in with family members. He still wanted to meet…just the following week. Sister Someone had me online searching for news of a fire anywhere in the DMV area, but nothing so we had no choice but to take Dude at face value…except she never heard from Dude again. He never initiated contact and her attempts to reach him were ignored. We have  seen subsequent ads that he has placed and apparently, he has no idea what his name is: he told SS his name was Derek and in two other ads, he was Javon and most recently, Carlos.

Well, that did not stop our heroine in her mission to date and move on from Brother Everything….she found another candidate and not sure what his ad said as she did not show it to me. All I know is it moved from email to telephone pretty quickly and the two of them were on the phone for hours every night. Sister Someone said he was so wonderful and understood her and they had so much in common….they planned a date for later in the week and the day of the date, that chick calls me up asking me to give her conversation topics. I stuck with sports as he was a guy and all, and I had to keep reminding her to NOT say that Pittsburgh played the Steelers. Well, the date was wonderful…dinner at a Japanese steak house, bowling, a long drive to nowhere….after both had returned to their respective homes, there was a late night phone call and plans being made for the following weekend. And just like with the first dude…no more communication. THIS worried Sister Someone and she made repeated attempts to contact the guy, but to no avail. Turns out the best thing that ever happened was his falling off the face of the earth: this guy had prior arrest records for burglary, robbery and stalking; his business (he is self-employed) was in bankruptcy and his home had a $7,000 tax lien on it. Once these facts were unearthed, her weeping and wailing stopped real quick.  

It is important to note that while this dating game was taking place, Brother Everything was STILL in the picture….he had not gone anywhere and the woman was still preparing his breakfasts and treating him to lunches…hell, she called me at 4am one morning while she was preparing salmon cakes and fried potatoes for his breakfast. What we didn’t know was that Brother Everything was formulating a plan…a plan to further his own agenda and make Sister Someone’s dream come true. It hit everyone out of the blue and New Mommy, Cuz and Oscar are still reeling….Brother Everything MOVED IN with Sister Someone! Apparently, he asked her on a Thursday was she still wanting to give them a chance….of course, Sister Someone tripped ass over elbow to tell him YESYESYES….and he told her she needed to clean out some drawers, make room in the closet and get that house of hers cleaned up as he was moving in with her that Saturday and to not go off all half-cocked…they would be moving slowly and taking things one day at a time. She was yes babaying all over the place but balked at the one day at a time…according to SS that is planning to fail.

And here is where I am going to break this post down into a he said/she said….I am getting phone calls, text messages and emails from both of these fools and I am not sure whose story to believe but since Brother Everything has photos to substantiate his claim and Sister Everything has proven that she hears only what she wants to hear and has a pretty demented, dogmatic view of the world and since we never hear the truth until after the fact…I am going with Brother Everything’s version of events.

Sister Everything says: First, this chick says she is not sure if she wants Brother Everything living with her anymore. Yeah, at the beginning of the whole relationship, it was her dream, but now? Too much water under the bridge and too many of the wrong things have happened. The man is not monogamous and he takes her for granted. Her efforts have gone unnoticed. She waffles between feeling/being overwhelmed (it does not take much to overwhelm Sister Someone…at work, if she has more than three tasks at a time, she is looking for someone to pawn the work off on) by the demands of her man and her son to saying this is wonderful and fun. She says that she is not a good cook and since BE is always boasting about what great cooks his mother, sister, ex-wife and ex-girlfriend are, she feels as if she is being compared to them. After a day of work and her son, she is  not up to the task of keeping the house clean on a constant basis…sometimes she just wants to enjoy her mess and veg out. Yet, Brother Everything is not willing to assist with housework or interact with her son, other than to discipline the child. The biggest issue to date for her is meal planning….two days after he moved in (she still insists that he sprung it all on her),she set out ingredients for spaghetti, which was going to be that night’s meal. Brother Everything asked what was he supposed to eat as she knew he was allergic to tomatoes and tomato products…when asked what he wanted for dinner, he said chicken. So after a day of cleaning the house and taking cars (there are 3 in her household) to the car wash, she packs up her son and trudges to the grocery store and stands in a super long line with her chicken. Once she returns home, Brother Everything has used her credit card (says he lost his bank card) to order a pizza. Sister Someone was miffed because no need to go out if he was going to order pizza, but I am surprised she STILL does not see the obvious: he did not want the pasta because it contained tomato sauce…the exact same ingredient on a pizza! Her son is not taking the new addition to the household very well…he is needy and clingy at home, saying she no longer loves him and at school? He has been sent home at least 4 times, and told he is a danger to himself and others with his temper tantrums and acting out. All she wants is some time alone but the one day she took off for herself, she called me every hour saying how much she missed her family. Yet, when they got home, she complained that Brother Everything went out and was calling her every half hour to check in, her son was all over her demanding her attention  and that BE is now saying if this worked out for another 6 months, they could “make it official”.

Brother Everything says: Once again, Sister Someone is a denial filled, delusional liar unwilling to accept responsibility for her actions. The woman did not get anything sprung on her…he was telling her that he was planning to move out months ago and she was all over him every chance she got to get him to move in. He told her from the jump that she was going to have to clean that house of hers up as she is a terrible housekeeper: only two rooms in her house are presentable and the rest is the result of years of neglect. I am going to veer a bit here as the man has said before how nasty the house was before but I thought it was an exaggeration, but he has sent pictures…he is telling the truth. There are clothes everywhere and I am talking PILES of them and according to BE, they are all dirty, the tubs all have permanent rings as she never cleans them and according to both BE and SS, her toilet seat is molded. Morning Person and I are speechless and I refuse to ask how in the hell that happened. Underneath her beds, are toys, junk and trash, the sink is filled with at least two weeks worth of dishes at all times and according to Brother Everything, her carpets are sticky and when he walks barefoot on them, fibers stick to the bottom of his feet. He made her get them all cleaned. He has no problem cleaning up behind himself or helping her with domestic chores, but he told her he was not cleaning what he did not help mess up. However, he has changed his mind and offered to assist with housecleaning but Sister Someone insists he sit still and let her do all the work. When it comes to her child, Brother Everything told Sister Someone he wanted nothing to do with the child in a parenting role until they figured out where they were and where they were going as a couple…work on them as a couple first, then work on them as a family but Sister Someone insists on making BE the disciplinarian and the bad guy. So now that BE is trying to instill some sort of structure into the household with regular meal times, regular chores and some basic rules…SS breaks them all which sets a bad example (one is no food except in the kitchen and SS has  snacks all over the bedroom which she eats at nighttime) and makes promises to her son that BE is forced to break since he is now the enforcer. One example of that is SS believes in spoiling and rewarding her son, regardless of his behaviors and had promised to take her son bowling….however, two days before he had been sent home from school but told the child he could still go bowling. Brother Everything said no, the child was still on punishment and Sister Someone basically pit them against each other by saying she didn’t break the promise…Brother Everything did.  Brother Everything says that the woman is clingier than ever….they live together, they sleep together, they commute into work together (and he says she makes him do all the driving, citing he deserves to cater to her in at least one way since she does everything for him and the household), they have lunch together and it still isn’t enough for her. NOW the woman is looking at engagement and wedding rings as she says she wants more than mere cohabitation.  He says the three times he has gone out without her, she is calling him wanting to know what he is doing and is he coming home soon  and he is using the opportunity to reinforce rules and maintain structure. Oh, did we mention that Sister Someone has now gotten her son to call Brother Everything “daddy”?

And this is where I am going to end yet another installment of this drama…who knows where this will go? I think it is interesting to note that since these two started living together, they no longer have sex and Sister Someone has started eating more and more junk food and she claims to feel dread in her tummy every morning. We are just going to stay tuned to this soap opera and see what updates the next installment brings us.

Thanks for reading and enjoy your day!


In my last blog post, where I was telling you guys what a non-slut I was and the “date” with the sex-addicted Meteorologist, I mentioned that him was still putting stuff out there that has us shaking our heads. At the time I wrote that post, I said I was not going to elaborate on the matter…him and I are done and the door is closed…and damned if that fool didn’t come crashing through it. It had Panel members on the phone, sending emails and just generally wondering what in the hell was really going on in the land of Happier Than I Have Ever Been. After talks with Artsy Craftsy (I am going to tell you about that in a minute) and Morning Person, it was decided that no way could we NOT blog about the incident…you guys have read/heard about everything else and we need to put this in writing so I can re-read it to remind myself of how surreal this has become and how I need to stay far away from this mess that will end badly.

Okay, so it starts soon after the email exchange between the BTH and I….pretty much the next day him was bringing the BTH’s two youngest children to the office with him. Now, I only have  three questions: why weren’t they in school? When did the Island become some form of Daddy DayCare? I mean, the Island is very laid back and very understanding of unexpected school/day care closings and having no one available to watch the kiddies…but BTH is a stay at home wife. Third question: it isn’t enough him is the sole breadwinner…he has to be the babysitter also? But hey, that is between them as a couple and a family…what got folks were how blatantly rude and disrespectful the children were to not only Islanders but to him, the man who is providing a roof over their heads, food in their bellies and will be playing Santa this year. I mean, seriously…the last place I expect to find disrespect is in my own home and especially  from kids that aren’t even mine. But again, him’s choices and lest we forget, the man is happier than he has ever been in his life.

Well, pretty much the Islanders are able to ignore the kids…after all, they are not speaking, smiling or making eye contact with anyone at all and him is keeping them in his office, so pretty much they were non-existent. Then came the day of a company meeting at the Island…and BTH showed up. Remember I told you all how she was making cameos on payday and that pissed me off? Seriously, she had the man, the house and the name…leave the Island (with MY friends on it) alone! It is the consensus of the Panel that this chick is behaving as an animal might…pissing everywhere to mark territory and she can mark all she wants….I am still well-known, well-loved and much missed at the Island and the impression I left is a lasting one in a good way…I still have the opportunity to go back there should all else fail; the impression BTH is leaving is lasting all right…it is in.your.face. and negative and really, I am wondering why…we already know you are him’s wife and right now, she is hurting more than helping. I am wondering how the man is still holding onto his job and position.

BTH arrives at the office looking like pretty much a Poor Man’s Star Jones before the weight loss with not properly attached weave damn near down to her ass. Her outfit was pure ghetto trash: a red mini-dress that was too tight and too short: Quiet One swears she could see the woman’s panty line and my Independent Consultant there says once again, the woman’s tits were on a platter as if they were appetizers. She had on makeup by the poundage and wore hooker shoes that went so well with that hooker dress. Oh did I mention everyone could see her leopard print bra that managed to somehow escape the tight confines of the sleeveless (in November!) dress that really was not flattering to her figure. Here is where we are unsure whose idea it was to introduce her to certain people in the office/department, but him escorted her around, making introductions. The woman was disdainful and disrespectful to the women (guess we know where the kids get it from) and to him (remember, the man who is her husband?)…she did not speak and was giving folks the once over;  yet, fell all over herself when it came to the men…she actually spoke to them and in that fake, syrupy tone that makes you want to tell people to save it before you throw up a little in your mouth.

Well, by this time it is time for the employees’ only company meeting…and BTH marched herself right in there, stating she was taking him’s place and introducing herself to all and sundry as BTH, him’s wife. THAT had everyone on the Island with their jaws on the floor and wondering what the hell was going on. Artsy Craftsy said she was outdone and so were a lot of other people who all wondered aloud why in the world a spouse was sitting in on an Island meeting. Granted, it was an insurance enrollment meeting, but it was for employees’ only! AND as if this chick has not made every speculation I ever had about her a fact (seriously, who shows up at their husband’s office to sit in on a company meeting as if she is in between johns at the local whorehouse?), she proved the undereducated part more than correct as apparently the informative talk from the Insurance Rep and the paperwork which explains everything was a little over her head; afterwards BTH was following the Benefits Coordinator around the office saying she had questions. The only person who has ever had questions about insurance enrollment on the Island was the German Hausfrau who wanted  all to know that her wrinkly, droopy eyelid was an actual medical issue versus a cosmetic issue.

The Islanders were still talking about him’s “wife with the inappropriate dress and behavior” the next day; people were torn between snickering and shaking their heads and all this stunt proved was who really wore the pants in that relationship and those aren’t earrings BTH is wearing…it’s him’s balls. It has Panel members feeling sorry for him: Morning Person says no matter what goes in the privacy of their home, the woman should not be allowed to interfere with the man’s livelihood and what the hell is him’s problem he saw absolutely nothing wrong with his wife’s dress or attitude towards the people he worked with? Quiet One wonders if BTH is running his insurance, what about his finances? Chef states that this is what him wanted and is willing to bet that him is missing the green, green grass of DC (that’s me!) right about now. Oscar is speechless and says the story gets stranger and weirder the more she hears of it and Cuz says we all should pull up chairs, grab some Jiffy Pop and watch the show. Bell Pepper is saying “oh, my” and wondering why the woman felt the need to sit in on a company meeting and more importantly, who allowed such a thing to happen? Artsy Craftsy (who did not even make my ass hurt) says that THIS is the end of the soap opera…no specials, no two hour movies…the series is over and done and ran a season too long for her. Artsy also got an up close and personal look at BTH and says the woman is  no match for me in any capacity and it is obvious that him is as lacking in class and taste as BTH is…I was simply too many good and positive things for the man. Apparently respect for your man, good manners, great personality and knowing how to present oneself in public are NOT attributes him looks for  in a “good woman”.

For myself, I am speechless….and not going to lie…there is some sympathy for the devil right now. Him is obviously in something that is now out of control and the man is seeing no benefits and I am guessing, no way out. I do not believe his lies of happiness and healthiness….he is bald (no longer balding), pale, thin and sickly looking…do you know one of his colleagues actually asked him why does he look so bad for a man supposedly so happy? Him returned from a vacation asking MY members to ask him about his vacation…when they did, he responded with: is that what they call it? So yeah, him can no longer keep up the charade and I no longer believe him….but guess what? Him did me wrong, and long before the BTH entered the picture….after she did, it was an all out FUCK YOU to me and that is what I am going to remember. The see-saw is tilting, and maybe the validation I needed so desperately a few months ago may become a reality…..but I no longer need it. We already know this man will not leave the marriage, at least not yet: him will never admit he made a mistake and will not wish to look foolish, but after this stunt….you are looking more foolish than ever before. The only one who doesn’t know this BTH fiasco was a mistake and a farce from the beginning is him….and the man I knew and fell in love with would never in a million years have allowed himself to be disrespected and played in such a manner…at work and in front of his colleagues.

For now, me and the Panel are working on fixing the door and changing locks because no way are any of us going back that way again….I have Thanksgiving in the fridge and am excited about how I am going to turn raw food into tasty treats (I am going to try out a butter and Italian dressing marinade on the turkey), I need to prepare for a temp assignment next week and I need to finish the Sister Someone blog. There are errands to run, chores to do and friends to call. There is a life to live today.

As always, thanks for reading and enjoy your day!

Hits and Misses

In my last blog post, I told you guys about a new round of mutually beneficial dates and the actual date I was preparing for…well, I am here to update you all on the entire dating game (traditional and mutually beneficial) process and tell you about the actual date. First, there are no traditional dating game updates to report. The ad I placed on Craigslist expired and my ad on Plenty of Fish has yielded a guy in Las Vegas who swears I am his soulmate. Nothing against my potential soulmate being in Las Vegas, but I think I specifically mentioned I wanted someone more local to the DC area…I want to date a person, not just have talks and chats. I want to see the person, and not via webcam. So, no traditional dating prospects as of yet. I do have a profile on match.com, but you have to pay to do anything there and really, I cannot see myself paying to get the same quality/caliber of men that are also perusing CL…maybe one day I will break down and so something more substantial with Match, but not just yet. I hear and read the stories from people who actually use the site and apparently, married men and misrepresentation run rampant there also.

The mutually beneficial arrangement experiment is actually doing pretty well…a lot of responses to weed through and a lot of frogs, but there are some more viable responses that actually panned out. Please don’t think I am a slut or anything…. I do not have intercourse with these guys and since I seem to be drawing a lot of guys with either breast fetishes or needing massages, any other slut-like activities are also off the table. One dude, I am going to call him American Pie because in the picture he sent, Oscar said he looked  just like Jason Biggs. We chatted some the night before meeting and discovered we had a love for the same TV shows (Friends was one and we both stated that Phoebe and Chandler were our favorites) and had both recently come to terms with the breakup of our long term relationships. He seemed friendly and nice and most importantly….sane. However, the guy who showed up was fatter, had WAY less hair and pretty much had moles everywhere…even all over his back. And he was the shortest 6 foot tall man I had ever seen, but he was friendly, respectful and quiet. We had a nice time, everyone got what they came for and he suggested I email him later in the week…I didn’t. Another guy I actually met with I have no name for…he was nice, conversational and made me feel amazing with his massage…he told me I was no way a disappointment and my skin was so soft and I was super nice. He says he wants to meet again before the weekend, but I have heard that one before. We’ll see. I have a guy who wants to meet but I have my doubts about him…first, he is not a fan of BBW, BUT he is a fan of big breasts and says I am proportioned well. My doubt with him comes from the fact that he flakes in and out on email conversations, blaming it on his bouts of depression. Apparently, he is constantly depressed and can shake it off long enough to hold brief conversations and you know what? I have recently spent too much of my life and energy with a flaky, depressed dude…damned sure not trying to get involved in that again, no matter how brief or casual the fling so I simply broke off communications with him. Since he has not attempted contact, I am guessing he either doesn’t care or is too depressed to notice.

Now, on to the actual date…since I told you guys earlier in the post that the traditional dating ad is gone, you have probably figured out he responded via the mutually beneficial ad. The guy was 50, tall and he is a meteorologist by profession. Not on TV or anything, but a meteorologist  nonetheless. He wrote me, saying he was looking for someone to get to know, hang with and be friends with…and just by him saying that, I KNEW he didn’t get the concept of a mutually beneficial arrangement. He does not drink, smoke or do drugs but did not mind if I smoked and wanted to meet for dinner. Well, I was in good humor and had been craving IHOP pancakes all day so I suggested we go to IHOP. He asked was I sure and here was my chance to go someplace really nice but I did not feel like dolling up and I really wanted those pancakes. He picked me up at my place (and I was looking cute) and I will say this: from the beginning I knew something was not quite right with him. He had rung my buzzer when I was so not ready and I told him I would be down in 10 minutes; I decided to take the trash down on my way out so I exited out of a side door versus the front door and dude was standing at the front door bobbing and weaving (no other way to describe it) in an effort to see me coming out the front door.

I thought that strange but he seemed pleasant enough and could carry a conversation. He understood the concept of the arrangement I was looking for and insisted he wanted it to be more than sex…he wanted to be friends and we could do movies, dinner…even day trips on the weekend. He is very recently divorced and said he had the time. Once we were at the restaurant (yes, IHOP IS a restaurant) , he kept looking at me…telling me I was gorgeous, had the smoothest prettiest skin, how cool and funny I was, how much he loved the way I was rocking the bronze hair color, how he could not take his eyes off me…. I ate.it.up. Seriously, after the emotional upheaval I have been through this past year and men who had to be beat with bats to say nice things about me, this was just what the doctor ordered. But then he started fidgeting….his legs kept hitting mine under the table and he was sliding from one end of the booth to the other and really not touching his food. I, on the other hand, was starting to get a little irked because he was distracting me from my pancakes….I swear, between his fidgeting and the screaming baby the next booth over, I was ready to order some pancakes to go but chose to order more and eat them there.

When I was finally fat and full of pancakes, we left…..and once outside the restaurant, he holds his arm out. I am thinking he wants to hold hands but instead, he hugs me close to him so we are looking like conjoined Siamese twins, except he was a tall white dude and I was a tall black chick. He asked would I invite him up once we got back to my place ….he knew what was expected of him and I am like: SURE! Pancakes AND money? I may do foolish things, but I am not a fool and once back at my place…it started out fine. He liked my apartment, my furnishings, my knick knacks…it was when it got to the mutually beneficial part that it got weird. He kissed me….and I think he turned into a werewolf or something and was trying to swallow my head. He was shaking, and grunting and sweating and I was thinking he was having a seizure or something. He told me I was so sweet tasting (maybe the cigarettes had not completely overpowered the butter pecan syrup) and smelled so great…he started pulling off shirt and shoes and when I pulled down the top of my dress…it was over.

He sat in my chair and kept looking at the floor…I thought he was embarrassed but when he spoke it was to tell me he was a sex addict and he had just relapsed. He had never felt such an overwhelming attraction to or powerful pull from a woman before and asked would I be his new addiction? At first, I did not believe him but the sweats, shakes and fidgeting are definitely tell-tale signs of some sort of addiction. I told him I was flattered by his words but in light of the fact I am a recovering addict, I was unsure of the validity of the first part of his accolades and I wanted to be no one’s addiction….I am done enabling. He said he understood, got himself together and wished me good night. Then ten minutes later (before I could even pick up the phone to call anyone about this), he rang my bell again. Said he missed me so much and had gone to the bank and had $100 to just hold me for a few minutes….and I let him back up. I could justify it by saying I was broke (not really….he just gave $75 and I have a few dollars here and there) or since he was going to relapse anyway, may as well be with me….but I was wrong. The man has a problem and I am not helping…hell, I am using him to further my own agenda and that is not who I am. I am not one to exploit a weakness. But, I let him in and I swear, I was putting him out in less than 20 minutes…you see, while we were laying there in the dark and quiet so he could feel some companionship and not so lonely…the man was HUMPING my leg!! That was it…he had to go. I did consider calling/emailing him the day after to see if he was okay and seeking help, but I think that would be hurting more than helping…Oscar agreed and told me to leave him be. Cuz thinks I should have milked him for all he had but what else can I expect from the guy who wrote the 48 Rules of Pimping?

So this is what has been happening with the arrangements….I am going to put myself back out there for traditional dating maybe after Thanksgiving. I am temping here and there so that is helping me to stay busy and out in the real world…and who knows who you may meet out there?  And other things have been going on: I bought the HOTTEST zebra print rain/trench coat that has Oscar jealous and will have men wanting me; my cutie pie burgundy pumps came and Artsy Craftsy will beg to borrow them…they are REALLY cute! I have told Cuz and Morning Person about the email exchange and they both understood and did not even raise their voices; Artsy Craftsy read the blog and is going to word her response carefully, but as long as she doesn’t take too big a bite out of my ass and threaten to break off friendship, I can handle it. I even broke down and told Buddy about everything and even Buddy understood…he is really sad that the him we knew once upon a time has disappeared. And him is still putting stuff out there and yes, I heard about it (hey… good gossip is good gossip)  but none of the Panel are jumping at the bait except to say amongst ourselves that BTH really is wearing his balls as earrings and the lack of class, taste and judgment are mind boggling, but guess what? They are him’s choices….let him live with them.

Okay, so I am headed out to the grocery store and will return soon with updates on Sister Someone, a blog post about Chef (his very first, all about him post!) and I will also have a guest writer on here really soon…SO excited! As always, thanks for reading and enjoy your day!