A Hot Mess!


I am hot. I am tired. And I am jaded, slightly bitter and no longer believe in love, happiness and happy endings. Stuff is happening ( life DOES go on) and I can see the good and bad in what is happening. The best thing about these updates I am about to share is that it has taken my mind off both my process and problems;  the worst thing is….it has depleted my stash of Tylenol… I am in  need of coupons and hookups for them at this point. I am just going to jump into the updating….the majority of the characters you are already familiar with, and the other I just introduced you to….no need for background info….you will catch up and catch on fairly quickly,  so let’s just jump in the deep end of the pool.

Sister Someone:  You may have read the story of Sister Someone and Brother Everything…..and I honestly thought that after all that has gone down between those two, we would be free of this particular drama for at least a week. No such luck. Sister Someone is living her own version of fantasy make-believe and hell-bent on realizing her dream of family….the woman called up Brother Everything maybe 2 days following the last blowup/blowout and told him without preface or preamble that the man has her 5-year-old son raising himself. When she told me she said that, I begged her to tell me she did not say that to the man. I mean, really….that statement leaves me speechless on so many levels I can only imagine Brother Everything’s reaction. First, that is not that man’s child and if the baby is raising himself….what does that say about her as a mother?

Then she starts up about a “family vacation” she says he promised her and she is not the only person to break a promise here. He was supposed to be responsible for some things financially for her and here I am just shaking my head. Apparently Chef, Oscar and myself are the only ones who remember his income was coming from her! But she insists that he is hurting her emotionally and financially and Brother Everything makes no apologies…he is who he is and right now, this drama has affected him on a lot of levels. Materially, he wants that car back…it would be different if she had never given him the vehicle, but she did and for her to snatch it back in frustration, anger and as a means of blackmail? Unacceptable. His ego is bruised: Sister Someone is the only woman to deny him and refuse him anything and that again, is unacceptable. He is willing to give her another chance, but until she gives up her hold on the car, he will do his best to hurt and belittle her as best and as often as he can. Sue him.

Yet, she is still bringing the man breakfast and lunch and here I went ballistic. I told her to STOP  giving him anything and for him to stop taking from her. His acceptance of the gifts fuels that tiny piece of hope we all hold onto for that special someone, and that is not right. Granted, she is giving for unhealthy and convoluted reasons, but that does not make his emotional baiting right. She wants him to see her and declare she is the one to fulfill his dreams, but they are not even in the same section of the library, let alone in the same book…doubtful they ever were. She says it is to show him how very, very sorry she is that everything went south in such a fucked up way and says she really believes that this relationship can be salvaged….but it cannot. It really can’t…he is only accepting the gifts because she is foolish enough to give them. He is playing on her emotions and now baiting her with yet another tale of moving…perhaps with the roommate, perhaps not. The man has gotten yet another raise at work (I am still trying to figure out how he does it!!) yet, he is crying broke more often than before and still Sister Someone rushes to his rescue. She wants to try again, but neither can compromise and she has yet to realize the reality of their relationship….she is the other woman and has never accepted that fact. She showed up at his office one morning to drop off the breakfast and overheard a phone conversation between the man and his mother; at the first mention of the Roommate (Brother Everything’s live-in girlfriend), she ran crying from the office saying he knows she loves him and to mention that woman in her presence is cruel….and this is where this week’s episode ends. I have a feeling that more updates are forthcoming.

Bi-Polar Dude: I first mentioned this dude in Thank Yous and In-Between Things…I left off torn between whether or not I would meet him for a dinner date. Well, I never did as he stood me up. I swear, I am being rejected by the mentally unstable…WHAT is the world coming to?? He never called to confirm or to see what time I would be at the metro station or anything…..so I went home, relieved. I did not have to be the bad person here and it felt good to stop off, eat some yummy pasta and grilled shrimp salad and head home. Then the next day, Saturday, my phone is ringing back to back to back and it is Bi-Polar Dude wanting to know what I am up to, which pissed me off. No, I did not want to see him but why are you calling me now when you were supposed to be around yesterday? I really hate that crap…nowhere to be found when you are supposed to be around but all up my ass afterwards…but he is bi-polar, off his meds, a recovering alcoholic who is not happy or comfortable with recovery and has self-admitted  “other” mental health disorders…so I made general chit-chat and he tells me he has a date with two women….one he saw the day before and will be seeing again the next day and a date that day. One thing about Bi-Polar Dude…he is not happy being single…he says being single and alone is physically painful to him and is the reason the only place he will ever live is in a house that rents either rooms or the basement out as an apartment. So out of these two dates he has decided that the first one he French kisses will be his girlfriend and he will break it off with the other one because he is not a dirty dog. I am just kinda wide-eyed at this point in the conversation….first, a French kiss makes a committed relationship AND he is the one who decides that? Second, this is the guy who told me his biggest kick is being deliberately late for dinner dates so he can ride slowly past the restaurant and see the date waiting for him…..and he does it every time, whether it is the first date or the fifth. Oh, but this conversation is just beginning…..he says that his new girlfriend will make him a better man and he will go to college and get degrees in: Law, IT and Hydroponics Vegetable Gardening. Simultaneously.

So, we fast forward maybe 3 days and he calls me again to tell me he had sex with one of the women ( I will call her Bolivia as that is where she is from) and she is now his girlfriend. He has never been to her place, she works at a fast food restaurant part-time and they had a total of 2 ½ dates: once at a “Bolivian” restaurant where he had a steak & cheese with fries and a bike ride on the 2nd hottest day of the year where she damned near passed out from heat exhaustion. The half date….he invited her over for Chinese and a movie on the computer, but somehow they ended up in bed where he stated he could not concentrate properly because of the buzzing in his head. Wow. But he says this chick is THE ONE. He will put his dream of living in California on hold for now…he is not  single (and he says it with the fervor and excitement of a cancer patient being told they are now in remission)  and they would have to find jobs out there. Well, I am sure with their combined skills set they will have no problems wherever they go.

One would think the conversation would have ended there but the man talks non-stop without taking a breath and then he tells me he is a chef. A true, genuine chef…give him a recipe and he can follow it to the letter. Okay…again, I have no comment to his proclamations, but then he wants to know if he and Bolivia can use my kitchen to cook each other a homemade meal…after all, he is being evicted from his place for beating the crap out of his landlord and she has roommates and they just want a place to be alone. And my response to that was pretty much…HELL, no. He tells me he understands and I am still a really good friend to him and talking to me calms the excessive energy that builds up inside of him. America, you can thank me at anytime for the service I am providing.

Nebraska: Remember Nebraska? Well, he is coming to town in two days and wants to see me…and in the beginning I agreed. He asked me before Him married the BTH and I was lonely, lost hurt and so many things….I figured a random encounter with someone who found me sexy, beautiful and would worship me could be instrumental in putting Him further to the back of my mind and I could lose myself in another if only for a few hours. Except now Nebraska has gone and complicated what should have been a simple hook-up. We have been emailing off and on for a few months and plans were made….we would meet after I got off work; he would have a BBQ dinner waiting for us in the room and then we would be naked and getting lost in each other. Then I get an email from him yesterday in which he states he wants to be honest (in case I find out somehow)….he is married with two children. He should have told me a long time ago, but in his defense…he didn’t have the two kids when we hooked up 4 years ago. Honestly, if he had told me this 4 years ago, it would not have made a difference to me what his status was….it was one day out of one year and he lives 1300 miles away. So what? But now….now I am processing, changing and growing and I have only two thoughts: WHY  be honest NOW? And a man who has no need to tell me his personal life does and the one who should have never did. I am not going to see him…it has become too convoluted and messy and I am not ready or willing to be a participant in his selfishness that is hurting more people than he even realizes.

So, these are the hot messes that are taking place around me….,how do I find these people and why won’t my people pleasing tendencies go on hiatus as I can see where two of these messes do not even need to be a part of my life….at all. I will be back sooner versus later with another new post…meanwhile, enjoy your day, stay cool and stay hydrated!

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