Thank Yous and In-Between Things


Now that the latest drama has been put to rest…at this point, we have to let time and nature do what they do….it is time for some overdue thank yous. I told you guys in Things I Did While Sick that I discovered a great blog about heartbreak and starting over run by Catherine (http://simplysolo.wordpress.com/), who then read some of MY blog and invited me to be a guest author on her site!! My blog post for her can be found here: http://simplysolo.wordpress.com/2011/07/12/simply-solo-spotlight-february-31/. Her readers are delightful, insightful and just a little flirty. So thank yous also go out to: Zak, KD, Kat Richter, Tori Nelson, Liber8tedsoul, Melissa Diane, bumberina, Larissa,  Mark Petruska and undertheabaya. You guys are awesome and showed me so much love…thank you ALL so much. I feel like a Hollywood starlet who has been discovered! And to anyone and everyone reading this right now, feel free to click on any of the hyperlinks here to meet new people and read about their experiences.

So I am watching Grey’s and eating double chocolate cake (I had salad yesterday so it balances out) and I am not sure if it is all the drama with Sister Someone or me just being hormonal, but the episode has me ready to cry. It is the conclusion of the 4th season finale, and it is all about loss and carrying on; friendship; letting go and forgiveness and just all things Grey’s Anatomy and I wonder am I getting closer to forgiveness with my own heartbreak and fiasco? Granted I think and wish the man all kinds of things negative and yes, he is the villain in my story….but does that make him a bad man? People do bad things, stupid things and crazy things all the time (raise your hand if you have not)  but that does not make them those things. Maybe, just maybe….there is another side to the story I am telling and when I am ready to listen …him will tell it. Yes, I have admitted and sincerely apologized for the role I played…as small as I think it may be, I also set some things in motion which pretty much sealed the deal towards a messy, dram filled fiasco. The hate and anger keep me a victim and we all know I still love him despite everything, but letting go of anything is so hard. Once you let go, who are you and what happens to the person you used to be?

 While I am eating chocolate cake and becoming philosophical, I am also emailing Oscar….she is back from a two day vay-cay in NYC to help calm her nerves from everyday life in general and the Sister Someone drama in particular. We are talking about an email I received yesterday that has me puzzled and has silenced everyone but Morning Person and Girlfriend. I cannot even describe the email….it looks as if it has been pieced and patched together and dated October of 2008. The subject is “feet”….now given my tendency to Craigslist, I automatically assumed it was from some guy I had met there and perhaps had actually hooked up with….I was addressed by name and the body of the email went like this: “I hope this message finds you well. Just wanted to see if we could still get together some time. When are you avail.”There was no email name or handle…just the initials R.E….and my first thoughts jumped to the Big Tittied Hooker (BTH) who is living my McLife ( I love Meredith Grey but she is wrong….people say that about people who are living the life they thought they should have been living)…when him gave her my personal info, she began emailing me using the initials RG…my initials. I mean, I have emailed with tons of people: Redskins4Life, an Oaf, whoknowswhy, mysteryenigmaquestionmark and even someone who went by OhGodIHopeYouAren’tFat…but the only initials I ever encountered came through her. Except….the email address was different and the woman is supposed to be on a family vacation with her husband, children and stepdaughters. I shook off what was beginning to look a lot like paranoia and asked who the person was. The response was this: “jonathan. I cam over a couple of times to your house. tall dark skinned guy. ring a bell? Its been a hot minute, though.” And that was when I knew whoever it was, they did NOT know me. I have not dated or been with a black man since Married Man….well, there was the potential Baby Daddy episode but there was money involved. I do not deal with younger men (the spelling and lack of grammar suggests younger) and tall?? Give me a break!! Pantyhose Dude is the tallest guy I have been with and he is not named ‘jonathan” nor is he dark-skinned. As for the subject of feet….mine can be professionally pedicured and at best they will only be presentable….so I am not emailing with folks about feet, feet fetishes or anything related to feet. So I am in two camps: based on the fact the email was pieced together, they addressed me by name and the body of the email would suggest something of a sexual nature, Girlfriend is going with a Craigslist spammer/scammer….Lord knows I respond and place enough ads for them to have the email address. But Oscar says the paranoia is correct, but it is not the BTH…she thinks it is him!! My mouth is hanging open, I am lighting cigarettes and all I can think is…Morning Person is so sending Oscar to her room for the rest of the day for that one. I do not know what to think (although a lot would point in that direction and why would the BTH go all undercover on us now? She had no problem addressing me by my name before) and I am not going to think about it…my head hurts enough without all the convolution and mixed signals him brings with him. There have been no more communications and it was probably all some huge coincidence anyway.

While all the drama was taking place, I had a date. Yeah, an actual, real life date….we were supposed to do Starbucks but ended up at the yummy pasta place instead. He is nice, introverted and just a little slow. I put it down to his being “normal” and shy. When he asked me questions, he took his time but it still came across as “questions to ask while on a date”. We took a short walk after dinner and he has called me every day since. I am not reading too much into it because he is into Latina women and still has some crazy ex-fiancée running in and out of his life. In any case, during one of our talks, he casually mentioned being bi-polar and off his medication. Oh, and he is a recovering alcoholic who hates going to AA meetings. So while I am trying to process all that he has just said, he keeps talking about the yelling and screaming going on upstairs in the rooming house he lives in…except all I hear is him talking and the sips of orange juice he is taking. Then he asks me do I hear the yelling, and I was stuck….do I say yes so he doesn’t feel completely crazy or do I tell truth and say no because by saying yes, I am telling him I hear voices too and then I may be expected to back up all his hallucinations all the time. I told him I did not hear anything, but maybe it is his phone not having enough signal. Now, he wants another date as he thinks I am kind and sweet and a great friend….but I waver. Yes, it is free food and something to do on a Friday night besides still trying to change over the closet and I may be safe as I am not Latina….but I am looking at him differently now since he is off his meds. It would be so much easier if he were on the meds….it really would be. And if you have to ask why, I am asking why you are reading this blog.

Well, this is the end of this blog post….I am out of cigarettes, the laundry needs to be put in the dryer and I need a shower. I will be back soon with more for us to read and enjoy. Have a lovely day!

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