The Other Side of the Story

The Saga of Sister Someone continues….and I am wondering how Chef, Oscar and myself find ourselves to be so fortunate as to be the ones to help our friend through the most convoluted break-up ever. I would think something of this magnitude would fall into the laps of our smartest and most experienced (anyone other than us) or into the laps of members who can let go and move on (again, anyone other than us). After all, we have Morning Person, Artsy Craftsy, New Mommy, Girlfriend and so many more to choose from. Cuz is NOT an option for this scenario ( he would be in Pimp Daddy mode)  and Quiet One will sum it up in five words or less and consider it a done deal: he’s using you. It’s a mistake. Next. Policeman will get all excited and agitated, interrupt people and wonder why logic and reason aren’t working and our Independent Consultants will pretty much not have the time nor the patience to deal with the he say/she say. Somehow, it is us three: a guy who still speaks of his fiancée, who passed away two years ago, in the present tense and two stuck on stupid  chicks still going through their own heartbreak and process, and in a week we have exerted more energy and man hours into this fiasco than we have into our own.

So, Sister Someone has come to us with her side of all that has happened and wondering what she will do and now Brother Everything has come forward….he says we have heard only half the story. There are two sides to every story you know, and she has him painted darker than the devil at this point and we need to know Glenn Close got her inspiration for her character in Fatal Attraction from Sister Someone, who apparently is a chick in need of lithium and has a rabbit in a pot on her stovetop as we speak. Truthfully, no one wanted to hear his side of the story….we have our friend’s version and it is neater, easier and cleaner to deal with that version. She is the victim, you are the villain and all we have to do is snap her out of her mindset that HE is the one she has been waiting for to fulfill her dream and calm will reign for all of 5 minutes over the Panel before the next drama pops off….but Morning Person and I are nosy and we said, let’s hear it.

So Brother Everything starts off by saying he told Sister Someone in the beginning that he was living with someone. Yes, he told her that things were not well at home and he planned to leave (he still maintains he is leaving) but there is no time frame. He says he was happy bringing baloney sandwiches from home and spending time with Sister Someone, but SHE was the one who suggested a “real” lunch date and she had no problem paying his way. According to Brother Everything, all outings were her idea.  In fact, EVERYTHING was Sister Someone’s idea. He never asked her to bring him breakfasts and lunches….he looked up one day and there she was like some Urban Betty Crocker. Sister Someone was the one who made all sorts of proclamations and when he told her he liked her, found her nice, sweet and long term material….she ran with it and in the wrong direction. Yes, he can see himself with her, but he has been in his current situation/arrangement for about 4 years now….he needs to get things in order in all areas before making the move and of course he is nervous about being on his own in all ways, but feels he needs to do it for himself. He is NOT moving from one house into another to simply jump through more hoops, and frankly, if Sister Someone is trying to make him jump through hoops now, what will she do once they are under the same roof? He tells us that she is so clingy and needy even that would not be enough…the time they do spend together, it is not enough for her to be in the kitchen and he is in the living room….when she calls his name, she wants to be able to turn around and see him.

In regards to this fiasco…..Brother Everything says it started over lunch back in early April….when he mentioned he would be moving, Sister Someone immediately jumped all over that asking where was he moving to, when was he moving and had he considered moving in with her? He was a little leery as he says she had been dropping hints about them moving in from Day 10; he told her he would be moving with the “roommate” until he could get himself situated financially and the FIRST words from Sister Someone were: come rent my basement. When I heard this statement, I was in disbelief for two reasons: first, the woman has had family members who were in need of a little help to get steady on their feet and I even asked her if my situation became dire straits could I utilize her basement? Granted neither party (myself and family member) could contribute much financially, but we could give something, and provide our own food, housecleaning and free babysitting services. We were both told…the basement was not for rent. Yet, for this guy…it is being offered on a silver platter. And my second thought was: your basement is NOT his own place…it is you, manipulating him into making your dream come true. Needless to say, he did not take her up on the offer.

The money….yes, he told her he needed it, but he never asked her for it. Call him what you will but if someone is offering you tax free dollars that do not need to be repaid, mama ain’t raise no fool. Besides, if the roles were reversed, we would be telling Sister Someone to get all she could from him. I am not going to argue with that statement. The lying/leading on: Brother Everything says he never directly lied to her face, but he never corrected her when she put timelines out there….he simply said “if you say so”. That was a mistake….clear communication is key and if you are NOT in agreement with something, tell them that. Women need a direct negative response…without one, we can analyze, rationalize and manipulate your response into whatever we want it to be. He did state that he would not accept anything if it had strings tied to it…he would NOT be moving in with her because she was helping him out. Yes, they would still be a couple, it would still be long term, exclusive ( even more so now) and wouldn’t it be great to have overnights at both his place and hers? Yes, he would move in with her one day, but not right now. And I have to agree with Brother Everything when he says the woman hears what she wants to: she only hears he will move in, and the not right now part goes out the window.

The car: he told her NOT to buy the car, he could borrow one of hers…but she insisted. She knew he wanted his own car, but how is it his if it is in her name? She swore that the car was not contingent upon him moving in and Sister Someone verifies that statement…she told him one had nothing to do with the other and as long as he did not default on the payments, he would always be able to keep the car. And here is where Brother Everything gets angry: IF one has nothing to do with the other, WHY did she snatch the car back when he ONCE AGAIN told her that he was not moving in? She has shown herself to be a woman with no honor or integrity and gave him NO chance to prove himself. Morning Person says that statement is a harsh one to issue to someone, but I completely understand….all a person has is their word, and when Him broke his promise to me while breaking my heart, I told him he showed me the type of man he was, which was not much of one. He was a liar with no integrity or honesty, disrespectful, cowardly and re-defined the word bitch. So I feel Brother Everything, and I asked Sister Someone about it…I presented her with two scenarios: they are living together , everything is going well BUT he defaults on the loan…what does she do? She said she would assume the payments. In the second scenario, they are living together, he is making the payments, but they aren’t working out and he wants to leave…what does she do? She says he can leave, but he will be walking when he does so.

So by her OWN admission….the car is her weapon to get him to come make her dreams come true. This car, which she cannot afford at all, she would gladly sacrifice and pay for if he were with her. Although since the breakup , she says she feels safer with it in her garage as he is a terrible driver. I am not sure about terrible…irresponsible , yes. She wants to know if he will pay the tickets and the payment that is upcoming. Brother Everything said he would pay the tickets but not the payment; he is not paying for what he is not using. Sister Someone  tells him he pays it all or he pays nothing…and as a threat, that falls a little flat to me. Alex, I will take nothing for $200 please.

And in spite of ALL of this….she wants to try again as she believes this can be salvaged. She wants to tell him how very, very sorry she is that she lied and broke her word and can they start over fresh? Except Brother Everything’s idea of fresh is to pick up where she fucked up…with the car and Sister Someone says no, from Square One. And now, this car…the source of contention, the bargaining chip…is crashed. Sister Someone drove it the other day, and got rammed in the back and WHO did she call first to report the accident? Not the police or the insurance company or even AAA…she called Brother Everything, who told her he was done. They cannot compromise and she is still seeing and hearing what she wants to see and hear. He advised her to call her insurance company and then figure out what she wanted to do with the car after that. Sister Someone told him she would find someone else…she is not going to allow him to string her along and he should know anyone she dated and spent her time and money on needed to know her goal was a family….and he told her that would have been nice to know before they got overly involved. And then she asked him would he consider another 90 days fair to try again.

This is where I am ending the saga of Sister Someone…she is on a Road To Perdition and unwilling to listen or see…not sure if it is a resistance to the pain of the process or if the blinders are permanently glued to her head but she is setting records for longest posts ever, amounts of Tylenol taken in a single setting and having us wondering if we should try to get on her Dr. Phil. She is our friend and we love her and we will be there for her, but at this point in time, Sister Someone has more than the blues and is giving the rest of us headaches.  















2 thoughts on “The Other Side of the Story

  1. As someone who has been through a similar situation emotionally, it is most likely the resistance to the pain of the process that has Sister Someone chasing Brother Everything as if he were the only man in the world, literally. This can also be linked to something in Sister Someone’s personality though: the naive idea that everyone has a good heart with pure intentions, and are also capable of change.

    It’s a long and painful road to even start to let go of someone who isn’t good for you, but manages to trick your brain into thinking they’re the bee’s knees. I still couldn’t let go, after being cheated on emotionally multiple times, friends threatening to disappear if I didn’t end the relationship, and yet.. a failed engagement and a miscarriage later, it’s still hard.

    Sister Someone needs to learn to love herself. Not just being able to say she loves herself, but truly and deeply love herself and her son. At this point, her son is inevitably and unfortunately, a witness to the pain that Brother Everything is causing her, which will take a toll on him someway, somehow.

    My only suggestion to you, as the friends who know well and deep of Sister Someone’s situation, is to continue to be there for her. Don’t abandon her, don’t throw your hands up in fury at the insane things she’s doing, and don’t lecture her to the point that she shies away from you. Continue to be there for her with open arms and an open heart.. and keep popping the Tylenol. When all else fails, move up to Excedrin and then Codeine.

    • Thank you, fatalerr0r…..we love her to pieces and she is not the first one to go completely bonkers on us. It IS hard to see her go through this but we all have our lessons to learn and letting go is effin’ hard…even when it should be the easiest thing in the world to do.
      Thank you so much for you advice and insight and suggestions on the best pain relief…we WILL be needing it! 🙂

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