Some things I have learned through this process and my life experiences: unconditional love is in spite of and not limited to an intimate partner. I have learned that family is not always blood related and no one chooses drama…it chooses us, if you are a female. Men put themselves in drama filled situations constantly (Policeman, Buddy and Cuz come to mind first…..Him and Married Man come to mind next), but women…we try to avoid drama like the plague. My girls…I love them to pieces….even Mini-me….and I have also learned that while I may be a drama magnet, I am not alone. Today I will give you updates on two of the Ladies of the Panel who are dealing with yet more drama and me, whose gut instinct is in overdrive about something…which I am willing to bet cash money is not anything good.
Before I go there, rest assured the majority of the ladies are completely fine: Artsy Craftsy, while overworked, has no drama or issues rearing their heads; New Mommy is a little sleep deprived but enjoying her new role in life. Quiet One is being…quiet; Guardian Princess is planning not one, but TWO vacations for the summer…Puerto Rico and a cruise to Alaska; Mini-Me and Busy Bee are both fine and well, and Morning Person…she says her only issues are our issues. She wants to know is it our perfume, our mouthwash or maybe where we hang out….whatever it is, stop doing whatever it is we do. Bell Pepper is dealing with her issues, which is a story within itself but she is holding her own. The rest of us ladies need help, and I will start with me since mine (for once) seems to be the least drama-filled.
Me: Okay, so we all know I am chatting and have indulged in a one night stand and a couple of pampering sessions, most recently at the Willard Hotel with a businessman from Chicago who gave me a full body massage (feet included) after ordering room service for me. It was a nice time with a nice guy in a luxury hotel I will probably never see the inside of again. (It’s gorgeous!!) My pain is on the decline and work is disgustingly stressful which is par for the course. I am still a little lazy and lethargic at home, but I have it being a combination of the heat, stress and the pain (it has declined, not disappeared)….I find spending the weekend resting and relaxing rejuvenates me for the week ahead. The problem has been for the last week, I have been missing Him more than ever….I feel as if he just left me, that is how badly I am missing the man. And today, I woke up with the dread in my heart and the stones in the pit of my tummy. I do not know where it is coming from or what triggered it, but this is the feeling I had when I figured out the BTH situation was way more serious than he was letting on; this is the feeling I had when I knew he was going to marry her, before he even said a word. This is the feeling that heralds devastating drama and why is it back?
It COULD be the IRS situation, but I made numerous attempts to call them (of course, completely automated and when I was connected to a call center, on hold for almost an hour with no one picking up) AND I sent in the paperwork which should be postmarked no later than the due date. Besides, financial issues do not faze me the way they used to…I owe everyone else, why not them? I have no personal life, my job is secure for the moment (I got me working extra hard this week to make sure it stays secure) and I just have the feeling Him is involved in some way. Morning Person says it is the fibroid tumors…period. She flatly refuses to entertain the idea of Him being involved in my life any longer….she went OFF when I suggested he may be planning a comeback. She says to STOP saying that, and I will admit, in the beginning I was hoping against hope he would; now, after being completely and utterly rejected by this man, I have no idea what I want from or for him other than to see him in abject misery (not hurt, just miserable) and telling me how right I was. After that, it is all up in the air. Yes, I miss him and there are days I still want him, but for now, he can stay where he is. Seriously. I say he may be planning a return not out of wishful thinking or unrealistic dreams, but because comebacks and reconciliations are not only our history, it is my history with damn near every man I have been with, and a man with whom I shared a meaningful connection and/or good sex? It is a given. Married Man, local one night stands, even Nebraska is coming to town next month and wants to try again. So it is not me in denial…it is a fact, which Morning Person herself has been witness to damn near each and every time, yet she asks me to help her understand. The woman who has said herself that this time around, Him will truly miss me more than ever before is in need of understanding. I love it…finally, a conundrum not even she can crack, although she has said that with me missing the man so much lately, it may be some residual pain manifesting itself. I don’t know what to think…. I could finally be at the last stage of grief (acceptance); all I know is I am not sure what is causing the gut instinct to go into overdrive ( it has gotten stronger as the day progresses) , but will just wait to see what happens next.
Girlfriend: If I were to ever write a post entitled Why You Should Date My Friends, Girlfriend’s entry would read something like this: smart, educated, gorgeous, sexy, active, employed professional, laid back, sparkling personality, versatile ( goes from hockey game to opera in less than 2 hours), great hair and the one thing that would make her every man’s number one choice? She’s bi-lingual so she can talk dirty to you in Spanish. Seriously, with all those great things going for her, she should be the last one amongst us to have any type of drama. You would think the guy she chose to spend her time with and give her heart to would recognize the treasure that is Girlfriend and treat her accordingly. Newsflash: not only nice guys finish last…nice girls do too and we get thrown under a moving bus in the process. Every man she put herself out there with has hurt her and every guy she really liked and something special could come of it has come and gone so quickly, I have you blinking your eyes slower. Little Marine proved himself to be Prince Cheating and while Girlfriend was licking her wounds, The Ex made his way back onto the scene….and it has been Mixed Signals Central ever since. He says SHE left HIM but he forgives her; he doesn’t want children just yet, but if Girlfriend were to give him one, that would give their relationship an unbreakable bond. He says he wants a committed relationship with Girlfriend, and when she asks The Ex if he is serious, he just laughs it off. Despite her misgivings and second guessing her decision to allow him back, Girlfriend embarked on the ride a second time. Again… no commitments, a lot of fun and outings, dates, calls, texts…it seemed to be going as smoothly as it could until she got a call from one of her BFFs. Girlfriend and The Ex had been over to the BFF’s house the night before to watch the game with BFF and her husband (who, if I understand correctly, is a friend of The Ex). It was a good time…cuddling, laughing, and just enjoying a Couples’ Night. However, the very next night, The Ex shows up at the BFF’s house with ANOTHER WOMAN. BFF could not get to the phone fast enough to tell the news and Girlfriend is not sure what to feel or how to feel. She is hurt and wondering if she can even be angry. Granted, it was no strings, BUT they both said they weren’t seeing other people. I say she can be pissed at the fact he is flaunting his other women within her circle of friends. Seriously, you have NO other place to take a date other than the same place you just took another woman? A place where her BFF lives and is sure to pass on the news? The man is either stupid, cowardly or both. One thing Girlfriend isn’t, is surprised. We are not sure if The Ex is still in the picture, or if she has confronted him….her thought was to just walk out without a word or explanation…just like he did her. So, this is still a developing story and as soon as we hear new news, you will too.
Oscar: I have been saying that Oscar is an isolationist who ventures into CrazyLand, but if I were to hold a contest asking people to vote for their favorite Panel member, Oscar would win hands down in my book. I talk about Buddy’s resourcefulness, but Oscar has an inner strength unlike any I have ever seen. She has been through a helluva lot lately…..one of the incidents had her so traumatized, she would only discuss it with me. I was allowed to confide in Morning Person, Artsy Craftsy and New Mommy about it, but she does not want it publicized and we have respected her wishes. Then Him, Jr. started acting all off the wall and stranger than usual and began verbally abusing her and berating for no reason at all. He would text her just to call her a “fucking piece of waste” and telling her what a terrible mother she was because she did not throw Baby Oscar some huge block party for his birthday. Oscar had a small party at home with a Toy Story 3 cake, ice cream and presents…only his mother, uncle and grandparents were there and the child had a great time. Of course, Him, Jr. is STILL the better parent even though he had less than that for his separate party for the child (he did not even have a present!) , and he cursed Oscar out when she brought the baby over 15 minutes early for a partial day visitation.
Now here is where it gets weird…..soon after Oscar gets home, HJ’s number pops up on her phone. She answers, and it is her son on the other end, calling her all kinds of bitches and just downright disrespectful names….being coached and encouraged by his father in the background. Oscar was LIVID…and she and her parents went right over there to collect the baby. They all expected HJ to not go down without a fight, but what they did not expect was the child to come out of his house swinging a lead pipe at Oscar and her mom, telling them to get the fuck off his property before he smashed skulls…and he was NOT playing. Oscar was scared to death and kept screaming for her son, and the baby was on the front porch seeing all of this, crying for his mother and grandmother and telling his Daddy to stop it. Somebody had the presence of mind to call the police and once that happened, HJ picked up his son and carried the child back in the house ignoring Oscar who was banging on the door for him to return her child. The police came, the child as returned and Oscar promptly filed a Restraining Order against Him, Jr.
She didn’t want to but it is time…the man has no respect for her as anything and is teaching their child to disrespect her also. Every time she takes him to court for more child support, he brings in some lame ass paycheck which always allows him the option of DECREASING his support payments (seriously, $21/week is all he pays) and now he is using deadly weapons against her and her family and it is time for the madness to end. Personally I have never heard of anyone using a lead pipe, but Cuz says that’s how they roll up there. So the restraining order is good for 3 years with 6 month reviews and he is only allowed to contact her concerning the baby. However, in court, he is looking at her and asking her: three years? I can’t see you or talk to you for three years? He’s yelling for Oscar’s dad to call him and when leaving court he actually tried to break free of the guards preventing him from riding the same elevator as her.
So Oscar is not crazy or an isolationist….she is mourning the death of her first love, her first relationship and coming to grips with the fact that maybe it really wasn’t all wine and roses. She did the right thing in putting to a halt something that was toxic, restricting and slowly killing her inside….trying to reconcile who HJ used to be to what he has become was driving her crazy and now…it’s over and the hard part begins. . It is all a jumble to her and it is a chore to even open her eyes in the morning. She cannot verbalize what she feels and she cannot write it out….it releases itself in her tears and her silences. We will give her all the time she needs to heal and are here when she’s ready.
Okay, so now we are all caught up and updated. I will be back before the week is up with a new post. Stay cool and stay tuned!