Before I begin the Oscar update, I have to apologize for not including Guardian Princess in the Panel update….that is how cloudy my mind is over this latest fiasco. Guardian Princess is fine…still losing weight, giving away clothes and looking out for me in more ways than one. As for the title of the blog, it is the title to a song by Josh Rouse…and I have the title summing up what is going on with Oscar perfectly. And until this post, only 4 Panel members knew what was going on: myself, New Mommy, Bell Pepper and Morning Person. Oscar and I decided to keep it amongst the members she trusts and identified with the most but now she is ready to let it all out as it is driving her crazy and killing her inside.
Life is not going well for our Oscar….as soon as the clouds break to let the tiniest peek of sunlight in, they close up quicker than the legs on a hooker with a broke john. Her job fell through after 3 weeks; she was planning to move to NYC with a friend of hers, who asked HER to move with them, then they fell off the face of the earth and of course, Him, Jr. and Miss Minor have been playing their silly little head games with her. Through it all, Oscar has been holding her head high, being mature and trying to rise above. She has not been making herself out to be a victim nor is she wearing her heart on her sleeve; she is hiding her hurt and frustration, smiling to people and hiding in darkness…but now here comes the light and she can no longer pretend or hide…she has to stand her ground and fight the battle.
You all know Oscar has a son….he will be 4 this year and is the light of her life. He is nerve wracking and active and a handful all of the time, but that child loves her son more than anything on God’s green earth. Lately, he has been acting up or acting out…not sure which is the correct term here. He has hit her, thrown all of the toys she and Santa Claus brought him saving only the ones from his Daddy. He says he likes his Daddy better than Oscar, and he wants to go live with Daddy and Miss Minor because they are nice to him. When Oscar told Him, Jr. about the outbursts, all he did was laugh and claimed he was both the better parent and “the best Daddy in the world.” Whatever…he did not have $40/week for daycare, but went out and bought some huge ass aquarium, saying it was for his son…who is there a good one day a week. Oscar’s mom and I advised her to call her son’s bluff: pack Baby’s bags and tell him he was going to live with Daddy…and it worked. Baby Oscar cried and yelled and kept saying NO MOMMY. And we thought that was the end of that.
Then Baby Oscar came home from an overnight visit with his Daddy and Oscar noticed his privates were extremely red and when she went to examine him, the baby winced and said ouch. Oscar asked did it hurt, and the baby said yes. Then the baby kept saying he had to go potty, even after already having gone. And he was touching himself…constantly. Once during a phone conversation with his father, Baby Oscar had his hands in his pants the entire time. Oscar was forming suspicions but she put salve on the privates and decided to wait until she saw the results of another overnight visit. Again, the baby was red and sore down there and actually fought her when it came to bath time. After the bath, she noticed he was doing something with his hands under the blanket and again, Baby Oscar was playing with himself. Oscar asked the baby outright and in a serious tone of voice was anyone touching his privates….and her son said yes. How the woman managed to keep herself composed I will never know, but she asked him WHO was touching him? Her son said Daddy, and if Oscar’s world had crashed with the first revelation….this one demolished whatever had been left standing.
She asked the baby was he SURE? The baby said yes, Daddy touched him but it was okay because Daddy touched girls too. (We are not quite sure what to make of that statement; Oscar thinks the baby is defending/protecting his father while I think the child has seen Daddy and Miss Minor doing some adult activity) Oscar asked him to show her how Daddy touches him….and the child did. I told her to call Social Services and she did; there was a doctor’s examination at the local Children’s Hospital where her baby told the doctor exactly what he told her…his Daddy touched him down there. It was discovered that the baby has a urinary tract infection (which is a sign of sexual abuse in younger children) and after a lengthy talk with a social worker, the acting out could also be signs of abuse. She has had an in-house interview with social services and she and the child are due for a forensic interview this week. It cannot come too soon…the baby has not pooped in 5 days (constipation is another sign of sexual abuse) and now is around the house on his knees, humping the air doggy style. He is still angry, whiny and blatantly disobedient.
Oscar has contacted Him, Jr. to tell him what was going on and what the child has said. Him, Jr. has pretty much ignored the entire issue: he states that Oscar is a lying , jealous bitch still trying to ruin his happiness with Miss Minor and he will fight for custody of his child because she is an unfit piece of shit. Social Services has suspended all contact/visitation between Him, Jr. and the baby and NOW the man wants to see his son. Seriously, Oscar has to walk the baby to his house any other time and beat Him, Jr. over the head to spend time with his child and now that all of this has come out, he wants to see his son….calling Oscar all day and night and his latest voicemail said he WILL see his son sooner or later even if he had to blow up her fucking house to do so. When Oscar pointed out the man that his SON was the one making the allegations and why would her son lie, when she asked him point blank was it true and to PLEASE give her an explanation….he ignored all of that and said again Oscar was making it all up to discredit him and cause a breakup between him and Miss Minor.
The police will get involved when the forensic interview takes place and now Oscar is missing Him, Jr. and wondering is she doing the right thing. I have her having these feelings now because she IS doing the right thing….people always second guess themselves when they are doing what is hard, and no one ever said the right thing was easy. In spite of ALL that has gone down, some part of Oscar still loves this man and we all know that when the shit hits the fan for real, he will be all alone in his corner and the part of Oscar that still loves him does not want him to be alone and ostracized. She wants things to remain the same because she still wants him back with her and their son. Oscar still wants them to be a family and this cannot be true because this…this is a game changer for real and nothing good can come from this. She is also feeling guilty because she is the whistleblower here and what consequences he suffers, she feels will be at her hands. I told her that HE caused this….however he meant it (Oscar thinks it was playful and not intended to be hurtful), there are laws in this country and so far, it is looking as if Him, Jr. broke at least one f them. It is about time this man was held accountable and responsible for his actions and to hurt his own SON? WHO plays with their child in that manner? I told Oscar to snap out of it…..she can love him all she wants but this is her child. The man will not even acknowledge what the hell is happening, her son is fucked up physically and mentally and she HAS to stay focused.
New Mommy is near tears and cannot bear too many more updates…..Bell Pepper is wondering why the man is not dead yet and Morning Person has no words. It is unbelievable and inconceivable that something like this is happening to one of our own. I am so not telling Cuz what has happened….that fool will be at Oscar’s door making her tell him where this scummy piece of shit lives; personally, I am at a loss. I have no clue what to say or do now that the ball is in motion. I promised her that I will be there for her and I will, but what to say? What to do? I have there being nothing I can do that would help her or ease her pain. AND then we hear that in the middle of all this hoopla, Him, Jr. got engaged to Miss Minor. Good…now he can go to jail for child abuse and statutory rape. We all know that this will get uglier and worse before the air clears and I have Oscar being strong enough to take the blows. I have her having truth and the power of doing the right thing on her side. Honestly this would all go so much easier if Him, Jr. would just be a man and tell us what the hell goes on with those overnight visitations…but this is a man who has no idea of responsibility or of honesty. I have him telling a lie when the truth would do so much better.
Obviously, this is NOT the Oscar update I was planning to post….her poems will wait another day as this situation has stilled her voice; the only word she knows now is why. I know that my words and this post are inadequate also as mere words cannot convey the severity of this horrible, horrible situation. The hurt, the pain, the frustration and helplessness of what has been thrust into Oscar’s world….we all know to protect our children from pedophiles and strangers, but from their own PARENT? No one can wrap their heads around that… a step-parent, we can see. Biological parent, no. Our prayers are with her and her family and of course, when there is more to tell, with her permission, we will.