Bitch. We all know it is a female dog and has long been thought of as a derogatory remark. Nowadays, “bitch” can be worn as a badge of honor. It denotes a strong, independent woman who keeps it real in all ways at all times. Not many people (men or women) can handle a bitch, and if you catch the right bitch on the wrong day, you could end up needing therapy or in serious need of medical attention. We can all be bitches (although when a man is a bitch, that is NEVER a good thing) and it is usually the same thing that sets off my inner bitch: total stupidity. I can deal with a lot of things, but total stupidity will push my buttons every time. Raise your hand if you agree with me.
Him has always set off my inner bitch….it has always been verbally although this fiasco had me ready to get physical with him. In fact, Him is encountering not one, but two of the right bitches on the wrong day. One is me…..apparently, it is not enough for him to hear me tell him that he is limp dicked (once we had a free for all where first he says he had no libido, then in the next breath he says that he gave up all that was wonderful and me because he felt I deserved better…so which one was it? You couldn’t get it up or you gave it up?); it is not enough for him to hear he is an emotionally stunted coward who is less than a man and re-defines the word bitch. No, he has to keep on hurting me and hurting me. I admit, I did let my inner bitch run rampant in the beginning, but I knew when it was time to stop….and I left him alone until the missive asking for closure. It has been suggested that I am holding onto him not saying goodbye or explaining as a way of holding onto to him. Untrue. Holding onto that only hurts me….I simply had yet to accept the fact that whatever he claims he has or what he claims he wants for me, the man is too much of a coward to give it to me. The way he left showed me that, but I was blinded by love and denial. I can see that now and I am working on not beating up on myself. It wasn’t me….it was him all along. Of course, I am not all better or ready for much of anything right now, but I am making progress.
His last missive in which he stated he was getting married had me pissed, hurt and totally in freefall. HOW could this be happening? It was too soon, it was not true…..but I accepted it for what it was. The end of the worst case scenarios and the death of hope….and I sent him a response that I felt clearly expressed how I felt and truly required no response. Morning Person said that the response was well crafted, logical and totally wasted on him; Artsy Craftsy said it was clear, honest and if he does not get it, there is no hope for him. Chef and Cuz begged me to tell them I did not send it; I asked them to please tell me why I didn’t. In any case, it has been a week since our last communication….I did do a vent email which I deleted as soon as I shared it with Oscar because there was no point in it. WE are done, and no matter how many overtures I make or the way I make them, I will never ever get the response I want. In fact, what I want is for none of this to ever have happened, but it did. Why add to the regrets and unanswered questions? Apparently he does not feel the same way….damn near a week later, he responds to my response at 7:30 in the evening saying he is trying to decide how to respond. WHAT? It takes you a week to send that? YOU are going to forewarn me that another cryptic communication designed to make my head hurt and cross my eyes is on its way? Shit like this makes me believe in Cuz’s theory. I sprang into action fast.
The part of me that still loves him and refuses to believe that hope is truly dead called Morning Person and Bell Pepper….Morning Person is tired of this shit. She can deal with me still thinking and talking about him( barely) as she can see I have let go enough to let sleeping dogs lie. She sees I am trying to muddle through and do what I have to do to move on completely and meet someone else….and then he pops up with some bullshit to keep me in sight. I know I should just ignore his missives, but I think he got wise to that move as what he sends now, he KNOWS I will not ignore. Morning Person said to calm down and leave it alone, as did Bell Pepper. But then….my inner bitch came through just.like.that. The Right Bitch on the Wrong Day in me popped up and said, “Let me nip this in the bud. I will send a response telling him no need for a response. I will head him off at the pass.” Both said okay, and the bitch in me went to work. The response I sent is as convoluted as anything he has ever sent me. I told him there was no need to respond as he would say everything was perfect and no one knew what they were talking about. I told him I was offering him friendly advice and since he told me to do what I needed to be happy, I decided to give in to the caring side of me and I can still curse him out if he wanted that. I told him that nothing was necessary from him…no longer would it ever be enough and what good is it if I had to beat him over his head to get it? I told him that he was once my “someone”. I hoped he was not caught up in the commute from hell, that he was staying warm and dry and to not over work himself. If you had read the response I sent him, this response would have you wondering what the hell I was talking about, and THAT is what I want. My initial response had me pretty much breaking things down in a way that unless English was not his first language, he would know exactly what I meant and where I was coming from….and not in a good way. I want him to be the one to scratch his head and wonder what the hell I am talking about; I want him to wonder where I am coming from and where am I going with this. I want him to have a taste of his own medicine and I have my Right Bitch on the Wrong Day giving it to him. Her previous attempts have stung and belittled him to be sure, but he still comes around and if you want different results, try a different tactic. Of course, this could all backfire in my face and he actually relates to this response and then I am back to cursing him out and calling him the names no one has ever thought of….but if that bridge comes, I will cross it.
The second Right Bitch on the Wrong Day him is about to encounter is of all people, Artsy Craftsy. The woman has been his staunchest supporter from Day 1. She is the one who can still find excuses for his behavior; she is the one who still believes we can get it right…..and he has shown her what I keep telling people. The man is the Master of Mixed Signals, he does not listen and with all he showed me and told me, for us to end up this way….no, I am not over this yet. So while I am sorry that Artsy Craftsy had to find out first hand, I am glad to not be alone and that it was her. Her character and honesty are unquestioned by anyone and she is the one who will give the most straightforward and objective re-telling of any story….and after hearing what happened, Morning Person is regretting the day ANYONE ever met this man.
Artsy Craftsy is leaving the Island to take up residence on Island 2 beginning next week; she came in Monday to go over her current projects with Him and the Second in Command. She helped them determine who would best be suited to take the lead on them and was asked if she would continue to at least advise the new person in charge on her projects? When she had time to of course, and only until they got to know what all was involved and who the people they needed to talk to were. She said of course. She told them she would be keeping her compressed work week schedule (10 hours a day, 4 days a week) She reminded him that she was on vacation the rest of the week and would call once she was settled at her new digs. Him agreed with her schedule and suggestions and wished her luck.
When him sent out an email to the department informing folks of the change in personnel, he stated Artsy Craftsy would be available on a constant basis to help out the Island, would still be the lead person on her existing projects and would be working for Island 2 8 hours a day, 4 days a week and would be working for the Island on Fridays, for 8 hours a day. When Artsy Craftsy confronted him on the errors in the email, the man looked her dead in her face and said he did not recall saying or agreeing to anything of that sort. Artsy Craftsy was flabbergasted but told herself she would deal with that once the move was over. BUT, he was not done with her……all this week, the man has been sending her WORK and actually expecting it to be done. Artsy Craftsy is OUTDONE….she is on VACATION for the love of God….yet, him is acting as if she is supposed to be in the office and looking for results from the work he is sending her.
Now, Artsy Craftsy is screaming fuck him and who cares what the FUCK is going on with him right now? Whatever it is, it has him losing his mind and he is bringing his personal life mindset into the professional realm and he totally disgusts her. She feels for me because no one actually knows what one goes through until they do so themselves and she sees why I am so confused and never know where I stand, but it also has her looking at me strangely. I am in love enough to put up with that shit on a constant basis and could possibly want this back? I have her planning an intervention. She wants to curse him out and shake the stupidity out of him, but for right now she does need her job….however, this could be the catalyst she needs to light the fire of a job search under her. She has not been happy at the Island for some time and moving to Island 2 will not be any better…they are stranger than the original Islanders and use “inside voices” but she has them actually listening to her and not hearing what they want to hear. She is washing her hands of the entire thing and says she will deal with what needs to be dealt with when it is time.
Morning Person has promised that we all are going to meet her Right Bitch on the Wrong day if we do not start acting like we have some sense…..Cuz is crazy, I am still in a defeatist mindset, and him….she will beat the man senseless with a baseball bat if ever she sees him. He is messing with people and maybe that will put an end to a lot of problems for a lot of folks. Remember Girlfriend’s guy who has the girlfriend he neglects to mention? He is all over her and she is torn as to what to do …she tried being nice…nothing. She is being the Right Bitch on the Wrong Day with him….and he is lapping it up. However, she has a new toy who she calls Little Marine….she met him at a club, and while she had fun dancing and flirting, he wants more, and even though the boy is barely legal….she may want more too. While she makes her decision, she says being bitchy is fun.
Not quite the bitchy blog you were expecting probably (I got the drama in He Said/She Said) but it just goes to show you that total stupidity brings out the bitch in people, and when it comes to total stupidity….Him wrote the book.