9 ½ Weeks is my favorite movie….if you are a regular reader you already know that. John and Elizabeth are real people to me, and their love affair tugs at my heart strings. After 16 million views, I am still begging her not to leave him and urging him to either speak up before she walks out the door, or to chase after her and tell her what she means to him; it seems as if everyone can see how in love with each other they are except each other. In the original 9 ½ Weeks, Elizabeth found herself giving all of herself to John, only to find herself unappreciated and taken for granted; however, John DID love her, he simply couldn’t express it in conventional ways. He was, after all, a Dominant and had been hurt in his past…no way could he allow himself to be seen in a vulnerable light. In the sequel (which I think no one has ever heard of let alone seen other than myself and Oscar), we find that John’s love has evolved into an obsession that was more than unhealthy: kinkier and kinkier sex with prostitutes he called Elizabeth, traveling the world looking for her and purchasing her entire art collection just to have a piece of her; when he was finally ready to let Elizabeth go (we find out she too had searched for the edge and intensity she had only found with John, turned to drugs and died of an overdose), the woman he found wanted nothing more than to be Elizabeth, and help him re-live memories rather than help him create new ones. The whole thing is complicated, twisted and unhealthy….understood by only a few.
I always wondered what it would be like to have a relationship like that: to be consumed mind, body, heart and soul by someone. Him comes closest to all four…I am not sure about the mind part though. I have unanswered questions….from the beginning of the relationship to the end which beg me for answers but that is not him consuming my mind. That is me trying to make a way out of no way….that or either I have yet to fully accept the fact that I really will have to be the one to give me closure with very few puzzle pieces. I have found the more I diminish him verbally or via blogging, the more he invades my dreams….yet I have that being the emotions I am trying to suppress in an effort to rush through the loneliness of being rejected and having to cope with feelings of abandonment while being thrust into a very shallow dating pool. I have no idea what he and I had but I do know that there was period before the trip to Nebraska and right after Married Man and I called it quits that I had what could only be called a mind fuck.
In keeping with the anonymity of people other than myself, I will call this guy Tike. I call him that because he LOVED the movie What’s Love Got To Do With It (first clue) and always said Ike and Tina should have named one of their sons Tike (T for Tina and Ike is self explanatory). He could quote the entire movie verbatim and listened to Rolling on a River constantly, saying that song had his Daddy’s blood on it. He was younger (much), undeniably cute ( Morning Person said he was the first guy she did not have to wonder what I saw in him, at least on a physical level) and was incredibly self-centered: when I told him there was no “I” in team, he said maybe not, but there was “me” (second clue). His idols were Huey Newton (founder of the Black Panthers) and Che Guevara, the Argentinean revolutionary. We met on an online social site and hit it off immediately. He was into 9 ½ Weeks, we watched the same TV shows and within 3 emails had exchanged phone numbers and talked for over 3 hours.
I was neither lonely nor desperate but I was ready to explore other men….all I had known was Married Man and the man’s constant hurtful actions and recurring rejection of me had me eager to see what else was out there on any level. I was ready for a man to be decisive, slightly forceful and completely attentive. Maybe it is true what Artistic One says….guys have a special radar that hone in on a woman’s vulnerabilities, especially after a breakup, as this guy seemed to know exactly what I was seeking. I do not recall telling him anything of the sort but somehow, he knew what to say and how to keep me hooked. We talked via emails all throughout the day and talked all night long on the phone. He told me I had beautiful eyes and was simply the sexiest woman he had ever seen. The constant attention was heady and intoxicating; the thought a good-looking, younger man could be so into me was definitely a confidence booster.
We had the constant talks for 2 weeks straight. We shared childhood memories, career goals, thoughts on babies (at that time, I was still considering children with the right person and duct tape and chaining the children to furniture was not part of my child rearing plan), and just silly “popcorn” talk. Eventually the talk turned sexual and erotic….and I wanted us to meet. We agreed on a typical first date: dinner. I was still working at the Island and again, the Panel was not yet formed: no Cuz, no Oscar and no Pregnant One and still in two parts. When I came to work wearing a gorgeous red dress that covered enough to make it work acceptable yet short enough to make Buddy and Chef do a double take (Tike had asked me to wear something to show off my legs), Girlfriend and Artsy Craftsy wanted to know what was going on. I gushed to them about Tike and they were so excited for me. Married Man is the one person no one was fond of and Artsy Craftsy declared anyone was an improvement over him; after seeing a picture of Tike, Girlfriend seconded the statement. Tike and I talked all day (I had even given up lunch with the girls to be available for our workday talks) and by the time 5pm rolled around, I was floating on clouds. I rushed (as fast as the metro would take me) to the restaurant and was actually 15 minutes early for our date….the only man I have ever been early/on time for. I waited for him to arrive….and waited and waited and waited. I was becoming bitterly disappointed as I thought he was a no show and becoming more pissed by the second. I really do not abide three things: stupidity, lying and game playing. But he showed up….finally and looked like he had just rolled out of bed! His hair was in a nappy afro and the man was wearing the exact same outfit as in his profile picture (I later found out his closet was filled with nothing but black shirts and sweaters and jeans). He looked as if he had put no thought or care into his presentation and here I was….dolled, decked and looking ready for the red carpet. The look of appreciation on his face quickly faded my anger and we had a pleasant dinner followed by a stroll through Union Station, holding hands and window shopping. We kissed goodnight and parted ways on the subway. When I got home, he called before I could tell my girls about the date and we talked damn near until dawn.. And I thought I did like him, but all I was really liking was being the one and only for someone. We had another date and this time, he DID stand me up. Again, I dressed the way he requested and was early for the date. Again, we had talked all day and texted my entire train ride….and then silence. I was pissed, hurt and disappointed and went home practically in tears. When he did call that night, I cursed him out and hung up and could not get any sleep until I took the phone off the hook as he called me every three minutes. When I woke up, I had 20 emails from him filled with explanations and apologies and I was happy again.
We fell back into our routine and when time came for my annual trek to the beach, I spent the entire ride down talking and texting with him. Morning Person and Busy Bee were totally ignored except when he said something I found really funny. I spent my time in my room on the phone with him and I discovered that he really was not a caring person. One morning in the hotel, I showered and was walking into the bedroom area to get dressed and my wet feet slipped on the tile flooring and I fell. I was bruised and a little sore but nothing was broken. When I called him before leaving out, I told him what had happened and his response was: You still gotta get on stage, Annie Mae. Yes, he was calling Annie Mae and STILL I did not see the connection. When I tried to tell Morning Person and Busy Bee about my fall, it fell on deaf ears. I had pretty much pushed them and everyone else to the back of the bus and they had found a way without me and I was a little miffed, but when I got another communication from Tike, I was all better. We were planning another date and this would be the one where we consummated the relationship…..and I was excited. His kisses, the erotic communication and my own imagination had me more than ready to see what lay beneath those clothes.
So the big date arrived: I had bought a new dress for the occasion and had cleaned my house from top to bottom. I took the day off so I could get a pedicure and do an apricot scrub on my face. We met at the restaurant (I was early, he was late) and of course, he looked again as if he had just rolled out of bed but I did not care. I was going to have sex with him that night and you could not tell me that the sex would not be spectacular. I do not even remember eating dinner….I remember the cab ride to my house (I paid; I felt it was fair since he paid for dinner) where we were cuddled up and he was whispering sweet nothings in my ear. I remember calling my mother to let her know I was home safely and calling Busy Bee and Mini-Me to tell them he was IN MY HOUSE. I remember us listening to music ( I had a defective stereo system at the time; he kept asking how bad could it be….he found out) and kissing. I remember me running my hands through his hair and him undressing me. We climbed into bed together, snuggling, kissing and running our hands over each other’s bodies….and not having sex. We spooned and slept all night long; in the morning I cooked breakfast while he showered and we looked for some lingerie for me. He was going to a cousin’s BBQ that afternoon and said he would be back to see me afterwards and we would see what the other was made of. I kissed him goodbye and when he walked out of my door, he walked out of my life.
Tike never called back, and when I called him the phone went straight to voicemail. When I logged into the social site, he had removed his profile. I knew where he lived but had not yet honed my stalker skills. I am not going to lie….I was crushed. Over two months of constant talking, dating and attention; there were no arguments, no other people…WHAT happened? Morning Person and Girlfriend put it down to youth and immaturity. Busy Bee and Mini-Me could not believe we never did the deed and Artsy Craftsy trotted out her it’ s okay speech. To this day, I have zero idea what happened but I do know there were too many signs that this would not be something long term or lasting. I do know that I did not like him the way I thought I did….he caught me at a vulnerable time and gave me what Married Man couldn’t…undivided attention. His dress and appearance were not what I was used to in a man….he was not pressed and neat looking, so in at least one area, I would have been settling. The fact that a movie about a woman’s abuse at the hand of a coward was his favorite was probably an omen. I cried for two weeks and fell into a mini depression…then I discovered that he had resurrected his social site profile under a new name (this site shows/tells you who has viewed your profile) and that he was talking to a chick I will call BabyPhat who looked pretty much like me! I was done at this point and was ready to reach back out to Married Man. I was receiving no male attention and I needed to feel wanted, desired and validated. Him/Big Poppa asked what was wrong as I was no longer happy and laughing in the office…I told him my romance was over and I was going to return to the Married Man and he sat me down and told me I was worth more than that. I just looked at him and told him easy for him to say….he wasn’t the one going home to an empty bed and an empty life.
And that empty life is one I created for myself. I had no balance and pushed true friendship aside for something brief and fleeting , all for selfish reasons. I wanted someone or something to validate me and really a man cannot do that. I do know now that validation comes from you and your self esteem. I know now I am needing to repair that within me as I still feel that however a man treats me is okay as long as I get something other than a wet ass out of the deal. I have not talked to Tike again….he is still on the social site as am I. He still views my profile and every once in a while I wonder how good he would have been sexually, but that’s it. I never loved him and the infatuation I felt was for a love affair with attention. He was simply looking to exert his need for control and I was a willing victim….there is no great love story here, no fireworks and no happily ever after….hell, not even a happy ending. Just a poor man’s (or lonely woman’s) version of a movie not many understand.