I want to begin today’s blog with huge thank-yous. First, I want to thank each and every member of my Panel….these people always and without fail are there for me whenever I need them, no matter what the problem…and Lord knows they have been beyond patient with this problem that will never die. Each and everyone understand where I am and they all encourage me to take my time with the process and the healing…they have all been there ( at least 2 are still there) and they tell me all the time it is okay. Secondly, I want to thank my readers. Your support, encouragement, comments and emails mean more than you will ever know. To know that there are so many others going through, and drawing inspiration from what I feel is only confusion and crap….unbelievable, and in a good way. You listen to me cry and whine and I am so glad for the good days when I can offer you some of the positive encouragement and enforcement you give me just by clicking a link to see how I am doing and where I am on any given day. The emails and comments I get remind me to NOT give up hope as only a Higher Power has the final say in anything and that while I do not have any new opportunities on the horizon now, I will never see them when they do arrive if my eyes are clouded with tears of what used to be. And my final thank you goes to Him. Without Him, this blog would not be around, I would not be processing and discovering just how damaged I still am…in words it sounds like a really fucked up thing but how many of us are in need of taking an inventory/reality check and repairing some damaged areas? Probably all of us but we have not had a reason to do so because on the surface everything seems to be bubbly and rosy….Him gave me my reason. This fiasco has brought my Panel and I closer together than ever and my openness has encouraged them to open up even more: to themselves, to me and to each other. It is helping me to help others, and while it is hard now….one day, I will look back on this and know that it healed me. So, to Him….thank you. Just don’t tell him I said this, okay?
Well, I am tired, in pain and had dinner with Reliable One….yes, I wore the perfume sampler; yes, I was nice; and he apologized for his behavior. He actually ordered what he wanted to eat and did not eat off my plate, so it was a pleasant evening. Now, without further delay, I present to you Oscar’s Poetry Corner. Yes, she is still in love with Him, Jr. and yes, she is going through but she is releasing her emotions through poetry and wants t share with the world her feelings. Enjoy, show her some love and we will talk tomorrow….debating between Nebraska and the Phone Booth.
|One Million Words
One million words have taken the place of the space you used to fill; I contemplate the feelings my heart tells me not to feel. You’ve gone away, to some distant land, at night I hear your voice; when the world is silent and I’m alone, you’ve left me with no choice. So I use these words as comfort, one million of them at a time; paper and pen are my new best friends, they take the place of what I can’t hide.
Clear As Glass
This girl. This Boy.
Was It Love?