So it is 9pm on New Year’s Eve, 2010 and I am alone, the house is a mess and I am listening to my music. Actually, I am okay with the being alone and definitely I am not alone with being alone. Craigslist is filled with lots of guys who are looking for someone to provide something so they do not feel lonely….at least for this night. Men and women single, heartbroken and just not wanting to be alone when a New Year breaks. Frankly, I do not see what this night has to do with anything….my heart has been broken ever since the fiasco took place as I am sure their hearts have been broken for longer than just tonight. I think people place too much stock in the superstitions and traditions that have surrounded this holiday. Eating greens does not bring a financial windfall, beans do not bring good luck and whatever you are doing and who you are with at midnight is no guarantee as to what or who the New Year will bring.
I have always been alone on New Year’s Eve…..I do not go out to party. I do not drink and noisy crowds make me headachy. Even when I had a special someone, New Year’s Eve is not a holiday spent together. It is just another night….people place so much emphasis on the year and tend to overlook it can only be taken one day at a time. True, it is a fresh start, but so is January 2nd, February 24th and September 18th. Every day is a new day and a chance to start anew and throw out the old and defective to make room for the new and improved. We all make resolutions and I do too….I used to make resolutions that I was going to exercise more or stop smoking. No more loser men and I was going to treat me better…..whatever. Exercise has always been and will always be a four letter word; smoking is so embedded in me now if you cut me I will bleed nicotine. Loser men….it is getting to the point where the two words are synonymous and I do treat myself in a great manner….until we get to the loser men part. So this year, I am making resolutions that I can actually keep and I will implement when it is time to….nothing worse than trying to start something when you are not ready. Below are my resolutions and those of the Panel. Join us as we strive to actually tell the truth this year and not lie like we usually do.
Me: I am going to be more social. Seriously. I live in a great city and I need to see it and explore it again. I resolve to try new restaurants and maybe a lounge or two. I will re-visit museums ( before they start charging admission) and dependent on my work/financial situation, take weekend road trips. I am going to maintain my no contact rule with Him….right now the rule is to not initiate contact, but I am expanding that to include no responding to his communications. It really is for the best, at least right now. I am leaving the negativity behind….not quite forgive and forget (work in progress) but no need in re-hashing past actions. We both know what happened and what happened when it happened. I am going to try to maintain my weight loss (no promises) and spend quality time with the people who have proven their friendship and have secured their place in my heart…including my crazy ass sister.
Morning Person: Nothing major for our Momma…she just wants to continue to grow emotionally, mentally and spiritually. She wants to continue to be our mentor, lead by example and give us the best advice she knows. She does however have a New Year’s wish and that is to see the Death of a Love Affair and attend its funeral. According to her, both parties involved are brain dead and the plug needs to be pulled. She would like to see us part us ways and be strangers to each other, but strangers tend to come around with candy and money and I am too outgoing, naïve and gregarious to NOT talk to the stranger. So, it has to die and be buried. Oh, and she is taking away my voodoo doll and book of spells so it cannot be resurrected.
Pregnant One: Resolutions? We have to be kidding her….she is birthing a baby in a month and we are asking her about resolutions? To raise her baby the best she knows how without losing her mind or abusing prescription meds and alcohol. That is her resolution.
Oscar: I am going to put her exact words down here as she said it best: start the fuck over – completely. Put my son in daycare, do what I have to do for myself, go on as many auditions as possible and just have a whole new start for me and my son..I can and will not allow 2010 to carry over to 2011.
Artsy Craftsy: She is going to stop procrastinating….when things need doing she is going to do it. Things like housecleaning, laundry, piles of work that sit on her desk…done. The house is remodeled enough for now and the holidays are over so no need for artsy craftsy things to be done unless she just wants to relax, unwind and indulge in them. She plans to start January 4th as it is a holiday weekend and who in the fuck starts anything on a Monday? (her words, not mine)
Chef: Successfully continue his cooking classes and save more money. He may feed us this year, but doubtful.
Quiet One: She never keeps resolutions so she does not make them. If she sees a need for improvement, she will make one.
Cuz: Cuz is funny…he says he is getting the hell out of town and he is dead serious. His top three choices: Dallas, Pittsburgh and Salt Lake City. He says that he has reached a dead end all the way around in this city and who knows? A change of scenery and climate may help with his various aches, pains and allergies. Oh, can’t forget…to have as many one night stands with as many orally inclined women as possible.
Girlfriend: To enjoy her singleness and fill her year with as much fun and happiness as possible. She says she will take me along for the ride….can’t wait!
Buddy: He is celebrating now with women and liquor and encouraging me to conduct another experiment but his resolutions are simple: to get a job (the ski instructor gig fell through) and to go back to school to polish up his skills as his long term goal is to re-enter his field of study.
And those are our goals for 2011….no one said a word about diet/exercise or stopping vices. We know what we need to get through yet another year of living and abstaining from the things that bring us comfort and mood altering substances is not going to cut it. Before I end this blog, I once again want to thank my readers…not only is this the first blog post of 2011, this is my 100th blog post!! I cannot believe I have written so many posts and without the Panel or your continued support and readership, I do not think I would have. Wishing each and everyone reading this has a safe and incredibly Happy New Year….may it bring you blessings, laughter and happiness beyond words. Enjoy your holiday and I’ll be back before the weekend is over.