Yesterday, I received another communication from Him. It is nothing to talk about really and only 2 Panel members know about it…Quiet One and Artsy-Craftsy. He sent me an email in the morning just as I was shutting things down to head out the door to work. It was another one-liner: Wishing you happiness and success in the New Year. Two thoughts hit me when I read it….you said this in the email last week and why would you wish me happiness when you were the one who made me happy and then took it away? All I said was: May you get exactly what you deserve in the coming year. And I left it alone and pretty much put it to the back of my mind. The only reason Quiet One and Artsy Craftsy know is because it came out during conversation. There is no need to sound the alarm and rally troops…..for once, there is nothing to analyze. The only strange thing to me is it comes after I have the strangest dream EVER about him (the man was dating my mother!) and Quiet One says he seems to reach out during the holidays so we are not expecting to hear from this idiot until Easter.
My sister sees my blog post links on the social sites I frequent (she will not read my blogs….she is not worried about the personal stuff I talk about as she can be objective; she says it is too long. According to her, I book, I do not blog) and she says I should be over him by now as he was not that important and we did not spend quantity time. See, I have my sister being over a guy just.like.that. Unlike me, she has her shit together and is filled with healthy doses of esteem. She is quiet, reserved and private; I do not see her losing her mind over a guy or allowing him to occupy a lot of rent-free space in her head. I see us as Izzie and Christina when Christina returned from her honeymoon with Meredith (Burke had left her at the altar so she took her BFF with her to Hawaii ,where she and Burke were to honeymoon): Me/Izzie: Are you sure you’re okay?? I mean, he was the love of your life and you took a big hit and all. Sister/Christina: I ‘m fine, I’m okay and I am over it. Me/Izzie: Either you are completely healthy or completely messed up. Me? You already know I am emotionally unhealthy and issue laden. I am open, intense and extremely sexual. When I love a man, I give them my all and with this guy, I gave more than even I know. So no, I am not over him; we had quality and intensity and say what you want….it had depth and substance when it was not completely fucked up and he knows this also. His demeanor, attitude and appearance tell us all just how happy he is; his random emails tell me how happy he is. He is staying with this woman who makes him so happy, yet when he is sick, she does not have a cough drop or a Kleenex. He looks as if he dresses in the dark and apparently no one does laundry. Truly, I hear and others see just how happy he really is. His actions seem calculated and orchestrated to keep me in his face and his business, but I am no longer playing the game and I am not making moves. Let him enjoy his happiness. I am ready to put Him on the shelf for a few days. I am starting my resolutions early and not being negative….it is what it is and I have to accept it and while I do not have to like it, I can be neutral. Hatred is exhausting and I do not hate him….disappointed and hurt, but beneath it all, the love still flows. I am staying in the moment and while I speculate about some things…it all comes with the territory and really it is not my business, just like what I do is not his. Of course, the Panel is trying to prepare for their version of a worst case scenario but they can calm down for a minute; I do not have any more communications coming for a minute ( remember, next big holiday is Easter) as I have not given him an entry of any kind. He will need to regroup and plan and that is going to take time….time I plan to use to my advantage and to tell you about the Day After fiasco.
Okay, so you all know I attract the weird guys who have issues and damage so deep it is not even funny. Reliable One is no different. I met him maybe 3 years ago when I was just out of the relationship with Married Man and I was still working on the Island. I was conducting the Craigslist Experiment at the time but Reliable One reached out via Yahoo personals. He lived near where I worked and said he was a huge I Love Lucy fan….which I am also. We emailed and I gave him my work number and we talked on our lunch hour. I should have known he was strange when he asked me my shoe size….but I attributed that to the fact that he may have had a foot fetish and once he found out how tall I am, he may have been curious. You know what I have discovered? That online dating leaves a LOT to your imagination….he did not have a picture posted and his general description and my imagination had me thinking he looked other than how he does. Put it this way….based on his description, I was thinking maybe heavyset John Forsythe and what I saw when we met for dinner (he was a half hour late, BUT he brought me shoes!!) was a cross between the guy who played Taggert in Beverly Hills Cop and Milton from Office Space.
I am not going to get into a lot of details about him, but the man has googled me; he admitted this on the first date and he pretty much had to as he asked how I liked living on my street and said he was familiar with my neighborhood. …..and we had never discussed logistics. He has also been detained for stalking/harassment of a co-worker but he says he just happened to always be where she was the same time she was there. Whatever. Again, signs I should have just gotten up and walked away…..I am wondering if it really IS me as I stick around for men that tell me off the break how fucked up they are, but so far, the man has proven harmless and to be a dependable friend. He is generous….I have shoes, casual outfits, he has helped me financially, he feeds me and he brought me a new cell phone…and now I have to tell you guys about the restaurants and the blackberry incident.
Okay, the man is over half a hundred; has never left his mama’s house, is never married and has no children; he makes a really good salary and basically has no bills save for a pay as you go cell phone and car insurance…and the car is his mother’s and a good 30 years old. He told me that I can always pick the restaurant and price was no object…so with him I got to experience some pretty high end places. I did space out the dinner dates and tried to mix it up with some places that were not as expensive but one day he asked me did I want to go to dinner with him. I said yes and offered my suggestion….and I will say this: I always ask him does he have a place in mind. After all, he is paying so he should have a say in what we eat, but he always leaves it up to me. In any case, he shot my suggestion down stating it was too pricey. I asked him did he have a place in mind, and he wanted the Yummy Pasta place. I gave in…I believe you have to give to get and I do love yummy pasta, so we met there. At least there all he will want off my plate is some salad and their salads are definitely large enough to share. So while we were eating we were talking about my beat up cell phone that was laying on the table. I LOVE my little cell phone but it is in bad shape…it is banged up, beat up and the face of it is scratched all to hell. Reliable One had gotten it for me as a Christmas present the year before….the year before that, he got me a flat screen TV. In any case, he was saying I need an upgrade and asked which phone I wanted. I told him I wanted a Blackberry….and it could even be the Boost mobile kind as I could afford the monthly fee. So after dinner, we wander over to Radio Shack and this man who had just said over dinner that a Blackberry was okay with him did not buy me anything but a set of earphones for my Zune because he felt that $200 was too much to pay for a phone. I was floored…..not only was HE the one who put the suggestion of a new phone out there AND say that he was agreeable to my choice, but he has spent more than the cost of the phone on steak dinners! I was pissed and he knew it; even today he will ask about my phone and I will give him a look and tell him it is in his best interest to drop the subject.
Now do not get me wrong….while I feel nothing sexual towards this man, I have offered him sex. I am not a gold digger ….I firmly believe in quid pro quo: you scratch my back, I will scratch your itch. When he bought me the flat screen ( 32”), when he has paid my rent (he has even paid up to two months at one time), when he takes me to the five star restaurants or puts money in my bank account because I say I am broke….I feel damn near obligated to offer up something to him but he has never taken me up on my offer, until the day after Christmas. All I can say is what was told to me once: his timing was terrible. He has been backhand insulting me, I am in pain and the man ASKED me what I wanted as a Christmas present. I told him: a bottle of Romance perfume by Ralph Lauren. That’s it. It is a bit pricey but not overly so…a big bottle can be gotten at Macy’s for under a hundred dollars and a smaller one for under $70. I buy it for myself, so it is not as if I said I wanted something I could never get for myself.
So, the day after Christmas, Reliable One shows up and I had asked him to bring me some KFC. He comes in and before even handing me my food, he is worrying and complaining about how he MAY have gotten a camera ticket on his way over here….he is unsure because he was driving alongside another car and the camera could have caught the other guy. First thing…give me my food! I asked for it for a reason, primarily I am hungry. Second thing….you know if you were speeding or not, and those cameras will get you if you are 10 miles above the speed limit. Third thing….the ticket is only $50 and he says that it will be his second ticket of the year. Seriously?? You are bitching and moaning over what is only your 2nd ticket in 365 days, that will not leave points on your record nor raise your insurance rates AND it is not as if you cannot afford it…..the man makes 4 times my yearly salary and has none of the bills I do….and he wants to whine? In any case, he gives me my food and watched me as I divided it up….I put a piece of chicken, some potato wedges and the ear of corn on my plate….the other piece of meat and remaining potatoes I left in the box and asked him to place in the refrigerator for me. He does so, and when he returns he asked me what did I put in the fridge. He honestly did…..and that rattled my chain. You sat here and saw what I did and you want to ask me what I feel is the dumbest and most obvious question of the year….I told him he was nosier than hell and why in the word is he asking me that…..you KNOW what the hell you just put in the fridge. Reliable One got angry….why would I call him nosy?? He wanted to know what I ate, that’s all……and that statement leads me to believe he is one of those guys who not only has a fat fetish, but he has to see you eat. I have had one of those guys before….I think they feel that if they see you eat, they will witness the pounds just jump onto your body and that excites them.
In any case, I told Reliable One that he knows what he bought me, and he saw me divide the food so he already knows what the hell I am eating and yes, he is nosy. When I told him my assignment was moving me downtown, he asked where. I give him the cross streets and general area because at the time even I did not know exactly where…..and the man pressed me for an address for 3 days. Seriously. When he comes to my house (which is not often), the first place he always needs to go is the bathroom and when I go in after him, the man has moved back my shower curtain to see my tub….I say it is to see how nasty I keep it and I am so sorry to disappoint but it is always clean and shiny. He has gone into my closet to see my clothes and so yes, Reliable One….you ARE nosy. Well, by this time we are pretty much full blown arguing so I suggest we just drop the topic….he knows what he bought me to eat and he knows I will eat the rest at another time and really, go look in the box yourself if you want to know what I did not eat. I ask him to hand me my presents and not only did he not get me what I wanted, he actually left the price tags on them: I got a pair of black summer wedges that he got on clearance form Payless ( and nothing against Payless as I shop there, but all of my other shoes he bought me came from Nordstrom Rack) and a Ralph Lauren perfume sampler.
I swear, I am not trying to sound or be ungrateful ( the man had just paid my rent the month before) but I think the man is trying to downgrade me. Seriously…..but in trying to save a few dollars ( the perfume sampler cost $45), he ended up wasting his money. I know what I like to wear and I know what I want and that sampler box was not it. When I tried to explain to him that I do not like or wear the perfumes in the sampler, he wanted to know how did I know I did not like them? Is it because it wasn’t Romance? And I told him…exactly. I buy perfumes, I know what I like and what I asked for is what I like and want. I told him to take the gift back and get his money returned as I would not be using it but he asked me to keep it and that I wear the perfumes when I see him. Then he asks what can he get me that would elicit the reaction he got when he bought me the TV…..he said I hugged him so tightly and was so happy with that gift; and I told him: buy me a gift that I want myself but cannot afford. It has to be a surprise and it has to be something you know I want/need but just cannot afford at this time. His suggestion: a Jeep Liberty. I told him if he got me that, I would pass out butt naked on my street and when I came to, I would suck his dick for 24 hours straight. Apparently, that gave him the courage he needed to do what came next…..the man stands up in front of me, unzips his pants and asked me for a handjob. Seriously?? You are in my house bitching over a possible $50 ticket, asking me the world’s stupidest question, giving me merchandise I do not even want that totals MAYBE $60 and you want a handjob? Again, his timing is terrible; he should be asking when he has saved my ass from possible eviction, not when he has fucked up a simple gift request. Needless to say, it was time for Reliable One to go home.
So now I am a bitch ( the man called me the next day to resume the nosy argument), probably ungrateful but I just do not see it that way….you asked what I wanted, I told you; you have the resources and for someone who wants to see me happy and showing you appreciation, why keep telling me what to put out there if you have no intention of picking it up? I do not get it…I do not ask him for things….he asks what I want. Personally, I think I am getting too worked up over a guy I feel is a friend at best; he is even more inexperienced than Him and who knows what issues lay beneath Reliable One’s surface? What I do know is when the chips are down and it’s crunch time, Reliable One is the first to the rescue and I am not a dumb chick….I cannot let a perfume sampler and summer shoes be what fucks up a sure thing. I will retract the nosy statement and replace it with Curious George and suggest we go to dinner someplace nice….not five star but not cheap or chain either. I will wear one of the perfume samples and make nice. No handjobs though…..when there is a Jeep Liberty parked in front of my house and he hands me the keys telling me it’s mine, he can get one. Hell, I may even do it topless!
And this is my last blog post for 2010. I want to thank my readers for hanging in here with me and if you are around for 2011, I would love that! The process is not finished, and who knows what will happen in the coming year? I can tell you that there will drama, funny stories and dates….I will re-visit Nebraska and there will be cryptic communications from Him (you can bet money on that one); Pregnant One will get a name change as KBugg is coming and pretty much, I will be telling all of my business and lots of other people’s too. I wish everyone a safe and Happy New Year’s Eve and hope to see you guys in the New Year. Tomorrow I will blog about the Panel’s New Year’s resolutions and we will take it from there.