I promised to blog today, but I have nothing to say. I was supposed to go to the Island today for lunch, but circumstances beyond my control, and circumstances beyond other Members’ control interfered. Pretty much no one except Chef could make it (and he was actually waiting on us at the restaurant AFTER voice mails and emails telling him not to go), so we have re-scheduled. I am not upset….things happen, and we have decided if we have to walk there, we will all meet that day. Yes, I wanted to see him and wanted him to see me (looking fabulous, of course) but apparently Somebody, somewhere knows best. I still have some accepting to do as I am pretty much a wrong look from him away from going ghetto on him…again, and in public this time. He is still a coward, and a liar and really….if I cannot move on from that, I am pretty much always going to be right here, right now and that is not a good thing.
My financial situation is still in shambles and the end of November is coming up fast. Mind you, I still have not paid October’s rent. I was going to ask Reliable One for assistance (I usually do, and usually I get it) but we had dinner earlier this week and I pretty much fucked that one all up. I am still processing and accepting which makes me pretty short tempered; I am back to restless nights, which makes e cranky and tired, and despite my best attempts to keep that man off my plate of food…..he STILL finds a way to put his hands all over my freaking food! Seriously, I ordered 2 appetizers (which he ate 1 ½ of) AND ordered a trio combination plate ( shrimp, chicken fingers and ribs) just to give him the ribs as his salmon would not be enough (of course), and that man had the NERVE to grab for my fries…..and I stabbed him in his hand with my fork. When he looked at me as if I had gone crazy, I told him to try it again, he would be a lot more hurt than a couple of puncture holes in his hand. Seriously, would it KILL him to order a fucking carb as he apparently eats them anyways?? I even called Pregnant One to tell her about it (in the middle of dinner) and while I was on the phone calling him names in his face, he was eating my dessert! I mean, seriously?? And when the check came….he actually wanted to know what the hell did we eat. I told him he was eating for one and I was eating for two, and if this kept up, it would be for three.
I want to add a music player to the blog……and seem to be having technical difficulties. I have come across two great songs and one of them, in Oscar’s words, is so sad. It is called Don’t Forget Me by a group called Way Out West and it is a break up song. The woman is accepting the fact that they are over, and is walking away against her will…but she has one favor to ask of him: don’t forget me, and that is what we all want, isn’t it? You may not have loved me, you may have moved on, but please remember me. The other is a techno, jazzelicious instrumental called Coastal Brake by a group called Tycho and it makes me think of the ocean, warm breezes and waking up in a house with high ceilings and beds with fluffy white sheets and pillows. I have re-discovered Me’Shell Ndegocello’s Bitter album…..and I swear, if Fool of Me wasn’t written for me, I do not know who for. So, I would love to add a music player so you can have something to listen to while you read, but I make no promises.
I am still losing some weight as I am still not eating properly. Today, I had 2 slices of pizza and two big chocolate bars. The chocolate bars scare me as each bar had 60 grams of sugar and I had 2 of them. It is a wonder I am not voiding syrup when I use the bathroom. I am not as young as I used to be and I am trying to keep myself as healthy as possible seeing as I have no insurance to cover medical expenses. The cigarettes are not going anywhere anytime soon, so my diet is all I can control. Tomorrow, breakfast will be a plain buttered bagel and water and maybe a salad with light dressing for lunch. I am not trying to lose a lot of weight as I am a poor person, and cannot afford an entire new wardrobe…..my clothes have to still fit me people, and call me shallow, but I LOVE having big breasts and I want to keep them. They are heavy, but not wrinkly or sagging and I want to keep them that way. Too much weight loss could affect areas I am not trying to change, but I can try to reduce my muffin top.
This weekend I am having date night with Girlfriend and we are both looking forward to it, and I plan to finally tackle my closet and do some laundry. I may even cook (beans with sausage, tomatoes and onions with some cornbread). It is time to shake off the lethargy; it is time to get back in the swing of things and no, I am not ready to forget him or run right out and date the first thing to come along…but I can make changes within me. This sleeping all day, laying in bed all weekend….it is not me and I miss me. I will probably blog again this weekend also….it could be about Oscar ( she has DRAMA), or introducing you guys to Chef or more about my friends on Grey’s Anatomy….I love those characters and they either take my mind off my problems or help shed light on them.
So now we are all caught up on what I have been doing and where I am; everyone have a Happy Friday and we’ll talk later this weekend.