There is a song with lyrics that say this: When you left me, you took the blue from the sky and left me wondering why. I wish I never saw the sunshine, then I wouldn’t mind the rain. I relate and understand…..when you have had days and days of sunshine and blue skies, rain can be a nuisance. I love rainy days but I want rain at my convenience. I only want rain when it is on a day I do not have to venture out in it, and if the day is too gray and the rain too hard, I will cancel plans to just stay indoors and out of the elements.. This fiasco (Chef says it simply was not a gentlemanly thing to do) has taken away my sunshine and left me with gray, rainy days that make me want to hide in corners, question myself and my attributes and just make me want to give up some days. But sun and rain are intertwined; you need both sun and water to make things grow, and who does not appreciate rain after a long, dry spell or sunshine after a rainy season? And too much of either causes extremes that can be unhealthy.
Too much sun burns and dries and can cause droughts. The intensity of the sun is magnificent but deadly (hell, it can cause cancer!!!) and people must be protected from it. Too much rain can cause floods, damage houses and is a known contributor to Seasonal Affective Disorder. Emotionally, sunshine of course equals happiness, stability and balance and rain is the heartache and hurt following the end of a love affair and definitely I am in a rainy season. I have an umbrella, rain coat and even boots, but still I get wet. I do my best to avoid getting too wet but I am soaked, and while I want to stay in and out of the elements, I cannot stay hidden. Rain can cleanse and wash away the debris…rain washes my soul clean and sets the hurt and anger free. Rain can allow acceptance in as acceptance has the towels and warm blankets to dry me off. Of course there are times the rain will be hard and unforgiving; a thick curtain that will not allow me to see a damned thing and I will stay indoors, safe and warm while I try to see anything through the torrent of water falling from the sky. But after all the rain, all the gray clouds…there will be a rainbow….a beautiful, colorful rainbow that will be my gift, and while all will see it, only I will know what pot of gold awaits at its end.
The rain will stop and I will have days that will not have the hot intensity of the sunshine I shared with him. This will be the sunshine of springtime….when I will throw open the windows and let the fresh air in. The sunshine that will dry sheets on a clothesline and leave them crisp and smelling fresh and clean. The sunshine that will warm my skin, kiss my face and will hold the night at bay by letting the day last a little bit longer. The rain gear will be gone, and cotton shirts, long flowy skirts and peekaboo sandals will replace them. There will be no humidity that will be thick and not allow me to breathe; there will be fresh breezes to refresh me and the blue of the sky will be that of a bird’s egg. There will be promise and excitement and surprises that come with this sunshine. It will offer me the comfort of a big fluffy robe and being snuggled under a down comforter on a cold, snowy day. Rain will come, but it will be a spring shower that will refresh me and allow me to splash in puddles and hold my tongue out to catch raindrops on my tongue, and I wait for that day.
Because now, even with the progress I have made and the shelter leafy trees offer, it is still raining and it is the rain that makes one lazy. You know the days where it rains so hard and so steadily, all you want to do is stay in bed? Where everything, including washing your ass , is a huge chore that can be put off until tomorrow? This rain does not soothe my skin which is burnt from the intense sunshine that has gone abruptly away. This hard, cold rain hits my skin and when it hits my skin, it stings and hurts. I wish it were snow….cold, fluffy and quiet. Yes, snow keeps you indoors and it needs to be shoveled and cleared away, but when it is falling…..it is beautiful to watch and it is quiet. It allows contemplation while you do your daily routine and while you know it is there, it is in the background not in your face and bringing thunder and lightning with it, but even snow has its dangers. It freezes over and there is ice underneath which can cause you to slip, fall and seriously injure yourself and it is only pretty when it first falls. Once the city starts to stirring, it turns black, brown and yellow and then it is simply becomes a nuisance as it will not melt completely. It will melt some and turn slushy, then re-freeze once night falls and the temperatures drop.
We all wish that we could have sunshine and blue skies, we all wish that life’s inconveniences would just delay themselves and we could chart a course that would bypass illness, heartbreak, betrayal and sadness…but we can’t. In life, we must take the good with the bad, and sometimes bad things just happen to good people. We will put our love and trust in the wrong people and there is no sense in placing blame; it will either be deflected or faced with indifference. We will all be hit with negativity and devastation, and we will need to devise a game plan to make the best of a bad situation. Into every life some rain (and snow) must fall, and if we have enough sunshine ( or memories of it) to keep us warm and cozy, we won’t mind the rain that much. And if you are like me with no sunshine right now, remember that the sun always rises and will eventually peek through the clouds; then we will see how all the rain made the sky just a little bluer and the grass just a little bit greener.