I know what I want to blog about today….I have been wanting to blog about it for awhile, but it was never the right time. The process has so many thoughts going through my head, drama is popping up everywhere, control issues are trying to take over EVERYTHING and just life in general keeps happening. One thing about life….it goes on regardless of what you are going through. Heartbreak, terminal illness, death of a loved one…..this old world keeps turning as it has seen it all before and will see it all again before it is all said and done. So, I have the topic but not sure quite how to go about it so I am just going to go for it.
Music is among my loves…I would have to say it has surpassed even reading as my #1 pastime. The only time I am not listening to music is when I am asleep or having movie day. And just like movies, life requires a soundtrack and music provides that: it is what is in the background when we are experiencing intimate moments (who hasn’t made out with the radio playing or made love at least once with Quiet Storm on) making us slaves to the rhythm; it is what is playing in the background at parties, clubs and backyard cookouts, making a good time even better; we hear the Wedding March at weddings and Amazing Grace at funerals. We sing praises to a Higher Power, we sing Happy Birthday to mark milestones and the blues are what we want when it all goes to hell. Jazz helps us chill and relax, classical music helps us to clear our mind and music allows us to dance which is a form of release or a prelude to the ultimate dance…which brings us back to intimate moments. My taste in music is eclectic to put it mildly but I have a deep affinity for ambient/chillout and indie adult alternative: Thievery Corporation, Beth Orton, Allison Moss, Ingrid Michaelson, Alucidnation, Macy Gray, The Mary Onettes, Annie Lennox, Stars, Boxer Rebellion, We Are Scientists, Passion Pit, Aimee Mann, Alana Davis, Moby, U2, Ish, Me’Shell Ndegeocello, techno/pop, and the list goes on. Of course I love my Luther, Angie Stone, John Legend, Marvin Gaye, Sam Cooke, Motown, Billie Holiday, Sarah Vaughn, Shirley Horn, Al Green, Phyllis Hyman, Nina Simone and cannot forget my gospel or my 80s….you get the idea. My Zune player has over 5,000 songs on it, and I know I have heard all of them at least twice.
When I am happy and halfway healthy, music is just that…..music. It gets me pumped, ready to face the world and lets me dance (even though I can’t, with the right mood and the right song….I AM a contender!). It helps the workday fly by faster, it is my companion on long drives around the city at night and it is my companion when I am reading. Songs like Finally by CeCe Peniston, French Kissing in the USA by Debbie Harry, Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves, U2’s All I Want Is You, Luther performing Superstar, Matt and Kim singing anything but am partial to Lessons Learned, Key Line and Robbie Rivera want to be my Girlfriend, The Greatest Light Gives the Greatest Shade by The Joy Formidable, Norah Jones (I have a remix album from her earlier years), Huey Lewis and the News (he is stuck on you and happy to be that way) , Deep Rez by Alucidation.….I play them, and let them carry me away on a cloud….carefree, balanced and happy. Music sets the mood for and encourages my intimate encounters and it helps give my home a totally relaxed vibe that makes everyone feel at home and is as much a part of me as my cigarettes are.
When I am sad, depressed or heartbroken however…..music begs the question: who the hell else is living my life?? Heartbreak is universal and does not discriminate and the musicians I love so much, I now find are so easy to identify with and relate to….Phyllis Hyman singing Living All Alone or welcoming back an old love(r) with Old Friend; U2 telling us what it is like With or Without You (I am torn and bruised and you have me with nothing left to win and nothing left to lose); Ingrid Michaelsons’ Corner of Your Heart is especially poignant: she tells us (and the man she loves) I know there is a corner of your heart that is just for me, I know there is room under your bed just for me and I would give up this man to occupy one minute of your day. Kate Nash is holding onto the cracks in the relationship’s Foundation although she knows she should let go and Sam Cooke is in a sad mood tonight. Stars ask How Much More and they cannot leave because their hands are tied and yes, they said they were brave but they lied; Hem reminds me All I am Good For…is him and We Are Scientists let me in on secret: the stolen glances and sweet words mean nothing as they are after only one thing and that is to sleep together. The Cranberries wonder why you have to make it Linger and Over the Rhine is packing a Suitcase because you are so Cruel and Pretty.
Now that I am going through the process and trying to heal the hurts, music lets me know that again, it understands. Allison Moss tells me when my world starts to tremble and shake, and my footing starts to slip and shift, grab her and we will hide in the Corner until it’s over; Natalie Walker lets me know that yes, he played a good game, and that I will cry for days and days and feel as if I am drowning in Quicksand, but I will wake up one day and be okay. Kate Nash let go of the cracks, got rid of her Pickpocket lover and told him to get out, get out, get out and A Fine Frenzy says they do not fear the Elements as he was the greatest disaster of them all, and they will find any way out to escape him again. Passion Pit lets me know that while I am Swimming in the Flood I will not drown, and maybe Annie Lennox said it best in two songs: it is a Bitter Pill to swallow but it will go down eventually and Money Can’t Buy it, drugs can’t give it and sex can’t provide it. You can have it all and still not be satisfied. Love alone may do it, but you must kick down the door, throw away the key and toss the poison seed….only then will you find peace of mind.
Carly Simon says that Love Will Come Round Again, but until it does I will use music, faith, and friendship to obtain my peace of mind.